


Sister

by Talsi74656



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Comedy, Depression, Endgame Fixer, F/M, Romance, romantic dramedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-23 10:03:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 61,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3763999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talsi74656/pseuds/Talsi74656
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After meeting at the welcome home reception Phoebe Janeway and Sekaya hatch a plan to get their siblings together.</p><p>Endgame Fixer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reception

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Voyager. 
> 
> This is my first big story (completed and published woo). I did not have a Beta so all the mistakes (most of which I'm sure I will find about 2 minutes after posting the story) are mine. In 60,000 words there are bound to be a couple...
> 
> Now broken into chapters for easier viewing.
> 
> I may write a part two (an Action) - one day.
> 
> I know there are a few cliché rom com elements in this story and there are some 'scenes' I don't like, but without them, story kind of stagnated.
> 
> This is my first NC-17 - I hope it's... acceptable...
> 
> If you like this I will be posting more, here is my Tumblr which I shall post everything through: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/talsi74656.

Sekaya glanced around the reception hall, standing on her toes in an effort to spot her brother’s broad shoulders among the rather large crowd. She’d been here for around ten minutes without luck so far. Reportedly the command staff were talking with Admiral Strickler – and probably being bored to death.  
  
That would figure, she finally gets her big brother home only for some pompous Starfleet windbag to talk him off a cliff.  
  
She sighed and dawdled to the nearest table, picking up a glass of Champaign and almost bumping into a small red-haired woman who'd obviously had the same idea. She didn’t think this woman was one of the crew although she did appear oddly familiar. Prompted by curiosity and in the spirit of being friendly Sekaya decided to introduce herself. After all, there wasn't much else to do while she waited.  
  
“Hi, I’m Sekaya,” she she gave a bright smile and proffered a hand, which the other woman took rather more enthusiastically than she was expecting.  
  
“Sekaya? As in, from Trebus?” the woman questioned. There was an obvious note of recognition in the woman's tone, though Sekaya still couldn't quite place her. Perhaps she was one of the surviving Maquis? She knew a few of them, through Chakotay. With a curious grin she nodded her affirmation.  
  
“A pleasure! My sister’s head over heels for your brother,” she responded in rather a flippant manner. She was none too careful about the volume of her declaration, much to the shock and amusement of a Bolian woman standing a couple of feet away.  
  
Sekaya couldn’t help but laugh. “That must make you Phoebe Janeway,” she realised aloud.  
  
Phoebe grinned broadly, before taking a sip of her Champaign. Her expression changed to a disgusted grimace and she glared at her glass, obviously offended. “I don’t know why I keep going back for these."  
  
Sekaya couldn’t help but laugh and she wondered idly how many glasses the other woman had had. She took a sip of her own drink and frowned distastefully.  
  
“See!” Phoebe exclaimed, motioning toward Sekaya’s glass. “Terrible stuff right? Starfleet can replicate anything, why do they need to go with the cheap stuff?”  
  
“Maybe they believe it’ll keep the Voyager crew sober enough to remember the occasion?” Sekaya posed. One glance around the room told her how ridiculous the statement was however. She noticed more than a couple of men and women in the older Starfleet uniform who appeared to have enjoyed a little too much already.  
  
Phoebe nodded with a thoughtful frown, though her eyes must have fallen upon some of the same people. They considered the room together for a short time, before her new friend spoke again. “So, any idea where our idiot siblings are?”  
  
Sekaya smirked at the comment, that was certainly an apt description of Chakotay. “I haven’t seen them yet, no, but I’ve heard they’re in a meeting with Admiral Strickler.”  
  
“Oh god, I hope the armoury’s locked,” Phoebe muttered, taking another distasteful sip.  
  
Sekaya shook her head in amusement. “As long as the air locks are secure, I think they’ll be alright.”  
  
Phoebe snorted into her Champaign and apologised to a tall, skinny blonde wearing a rather ridiculous looking skin-tight cat suit, who glanced at them with a raised brow.  
  
“Alright, odds on them walking in, holding hands?” Phoebe asked eagerly.  
  
She pondered for a moment. “I’m going with about eighty percent. Chakotay’s last letter wasn’t overly encouraging,” she answered honestly. “And he can be a bit stubborn,” she added a moment later.  
  
Phoebe sniffed in amusement. “My sister re-wrote the definition of stubborn!”  
  
“Perhaps there’s no hope for them then,” Sekaya sighed wistfully.  
  
“Oh, if I have anything to do with it they’ll be married before the debriefings are over.” If Chakotay loved this woman _half_ as much as he claimed and she returned those feelings, Phoebe would have no trouble.  
  
“Let me know if you need some help,” she wasn't entirely serious, though Phoebe gave her a lop-sided grin, seemingly considering the idea.  
  
Sekaya glanced up hopefully as the doors to the room hissed open, the person who entered, while not Chakotay, was someone she recognised. B’Elanna walked in cradling her new baby, with her husband at her side.  
  
“You know them?” Phoebe asked. She smiled at the pair, and Sekaya saw a glint of recognition on her face as well.  
  
“The woman, B’Elanna,” Sekaya responded, trying to grab her old friend’s attention.  
  
“Oh! B’Elanna, Kathryn _loves_ B’Elanna,” Phoebe exclaimed.  
  
“Is there anyone she _doesn’t_ love?” Sekaya joked, with a small smile. B’Elanna’s eyes locked with hers and she gave a brilliant grin before nodding to indicate that she'd join them in a moment.  
  
“Ah, Admiral Strickler is probably topping that list at the moment,” Phoebe replied.  
  
That was probably true of Chakotay as well. If she knew him as well as she thought she did he was probably rather frustrated at missing time at this reception.  
  
Sekaya watched as B’Elanna handed her newborn to her husband and began winding her way through the crowd toward them. When she was close enough she opened her arms wide, for a hug. Despite her surprise, Sekaya obliged happily, trying not to strangle the poor woman, though B’Elanna’s hug was equally as voracious.  
  
“B’Elanna, this is Phoebe Janeway,” she introduced her new friend. “Phoebe, B’Elanna.”  
  
B’Elanna snorted a laugh. _“Figures.” _A pleasure to meet you, your sister is - incredible."  
  
“Oh, please say you never told her that? She had a big enough ego as it was, when she left, there’ll be no living with her if everyone’s been feeding it all these years.”  
  
Both B’Elanna and Sekaya laughed at that.  
  
“I think the Delta Quadrant has knocked her down a few pegs, not to worry,” B’Elanna replied, with a grin.  
  
“Yeah, but all this, ‘getting her crew home,’ business probably isn’t helping much.” Phoebe sipped her Champaign giving another grimace. “Why do I keep doing that?”  
  
B’Elanna shook her head, thoroughly amused. “Here,” she offered a hand to take the glass from Phoebe, who thrust the half-finished drink away as though it might bite. The half Klingon glanced around before waving at someone, a young ensign waved back and darted over.  
  
“Harry, these lovely ladies are the Captain and Commander’s sisters,” B’Elanna introduced. “Can you recycle this for us?”  
  
“Hi! Pleasure!” the young man said, sounding elated for a brief moment, before finally hearing the second part of Torres’ sentence. He took the drink with a pinch-lipped expression. “Fine,” he agreed. “I will – ah – introduce myself properly, later,” he added with a small smile, before dashing off.  
  
Phoebe gave B’Elanna an impressed grin. “Certainly earning the _chief_ in your title!”  
  
“B’Elanna never does anything half-arsed,” Sekaya spoke in support of her long ago friend.  
  
B’Elanna beamed at the compliment.  
  
“Katie said I’d like you, B’Elanna,” Phoebe revealed with a smile.  
  
If she was beaming before she was downright radiant now. She placed a hand over her heart. Obviously Kathryn Janeway had profoundly influenced the former Maquis aboard. Sekaya had never truly witnessed Chakotay happy and in love and she had never witnessed B’Elanna act this proud or confident.  
  
Sekaya decided then and there that she liked Kathryn Janeway, a lot, and she would do _everything_ in her power to ensure that Chakotay married her.  
  
“So, B’Elanna, have our siblings done the horizontal tango yet or do we need to have an intervention?” Phoebe’s abruptness made Sekaya just about choke on air. B’Elanna’s expression, however, became rather dour.  
  
“What?” Sekaya asked seriously.  
  
“Ah, it’s – they’re, well,” B’Elanna mumbled.  
  
“The real reason they’re not here is, that’s what they’re doing now?” Phoebe translated hopefully.  
  
B’Elanna cleared her throat uncomfortably and glanced around as though looking for help, “actually, I don’t – see it happening,” she admitted.  
  
Both Sekaya and Phoebe baulked at B’Elanna’s denial.  
  
“But they’re in love,” Phoebe whispered, “I have hours of reading material to prove it!” she asserted. Sekaya nodded her silent agreement. If she printed her brother’s letters she’d have an entire library of evidence.  
  
B’Elanna frowned, “well, maybe the Captain is,” she griped.  
  
Sekaya raised a questioning brow at her old friend, “what does that mean?”  
  
With a huff B’Elanna moved closer, lowering her voice before speaking, “he’s – dating someone else,” she told them.  
  
Phoebe wore a wide-mouthed, indignant scowl.  
  
Sekaya felt as horrified as her new friend looked. “Who?” She couldn’t help but ask.  
  
B’Elanna rolled her eyes and glanced around, making certain there was no one in ear shot, “Seven,” she replied distastefully.  
  
“Seven?” Phoebe and Sekaya exclaimed together, thankfully both had pitched their voices low, but that didn’t stop B’Elanna from glancing around anxiously.  
  
“But, why?” Sekaya gasped. From his letters he seemed to distrust and dislike the former Borg drone immensely.  
  
“Your guess is as good as mine,” B’Elanna flicked her hand in a dismissive gesture.  
  
“Oh, Katie,” Phoebe whispered sounding as heart-broken as though she _were_ her sister. “Well, we need to get her drunk after the reception,” she declared.  
  
“That’s something I’m tempted to see, but I’ll have to bow out, for now at least. Give me a couple of months,” B’Elanna said, glancing across the room toward her husband.  
  
“Oh yeah, baby! Congratulations, by the way!” Phoebe exclaimed brightly.  
  
Sekaya had almost forgotten, “yes! Congratulations B’Elanna!” she agreed quickly, feeling embarrassed by the lapse.  
  
Phoebe concentrated on the new glass of Champaign she held in her hand. Sekaya blinked at it wondering how the hell she’d managed to find another in the two minutes since B’Elanna had relieved her of the last. B’Elanna gave the glass a curious glance as well and seemed to be about to question her on it when Phoebe spoke, “this, Seven, what does she look like?”  
  
B’Elanna cocked her head to the side and frowned, “tall, blonde, implants on her hand and eyebrow – wears a cat-suit – you couldn’t miss her.”  
  
Sekaya exchanged an awkward glance with Phoebe’s who placed a hand over her mouth, her face a mix of amusement and embarrassment.  
  
“Do you think she heard us?” Phoebe asked quickly.  
  
Sekaya ran over their conversation again and grimaced, “she’d have to be deaf not to,” she answered. Her eyes skimmed the room looking for this _Seven_ feeling a sudden urge to apologise.  
  
“What did you do?” B’Elanna asked, with an amused tone.  
  
“Well, we may have been talking about our siblings being in love – or something,” Phoebe responded with another distasteful sip of her Champaign.  
  
“Phoebe may have mentioned her desire to see them married before the end of the debriefings,” Sekaya added quickly.  
  
“ _Me?_ ” Phoebe exclaimed innocently, “you started this!”  
  
Sekaya baulked, “all I said was, ‘hi, I’m Sekaya,’” she defended herself with a grin.  
  
“Exactly!”  
  
B’Elanna snorted, “oh, you two are in _so_ much trouble,” she mused.  
  
Phoebe shook her head in denial, “how were _we_ supposed to know?” she grumbled taking another swig of her drink.__

*****

Chakotay watched as Kathryn made a half-hearted excuse and all but ran down the corridor, in the opposite direction to the closest turbolift.  
  
Admiral Strickler’s forty minute explanation of their homecoming celebration and expectations had been trying, but surely not _that_ bad. He had looked forward to laughing with her about their discussion on the way to the mess hall, but there had been a change in her these past few days and he couldn’t put his finger on _what_ exactly it was.  
  
Briefly he considered following after her and confronting her about the issue, but they had plenty of time to hash this out and she was more likely to respond well after the celebrations were over. Days and days of celebrations; Chakotay sighed at the thought, he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep for a week.  
  
The bright spark in this was just how flexible Starfleet were being. The crew were allowed to take two months of vacation time and then be debriefed or they could get their interviews over with beforehand. He felt the offer was remarkably kind considering the depth and detail into which the debriefings would go.  
  
Despite Kathryn’s aloof behaviour Chakotay still felt on top of the world – _almost literally_ , he chuckled at that thought. Against monumental odds they had made it seventy five thousand light-years across the galaxy with relatively few casualties. They had broken so many records Starfleet hadn’t even been able to list them all. If that weren’t enough, they had also dealt a devastating blow to the Borg, which might take them years to repair and brought back technology that would give them a significant advantage against their long-time foe.  
  
Yes, today was most certainly a day to celebrate.  
  
He boarded the lift, “deck two,” he requested.  
  
The lift began to move the six decks up toward the mess hall and he leaned against the wall waiting to arrive at his destination.  
  
He had been overjoyed when Voyager burst from the Borg cube and then to hear B’Elanna and Tom’s baby girl over the comm. The day had been fantastic, with the very slight exception of Kathryn calling him _Mr_ Chakotay. That had been odd, even at her most peevish she’d simply resorted to calling him ‘Commander’.  
  
He pushed the thought out of his mind and forced it to wander back to their homecoming. He couldn’t wait to see the crew with their families, together at last. He was overjoyed to meet the people important to his crew, not to mention the surviving members of the Maquis, who had been invited.  
  
He’d also been shocked and delighted to hear that his _sister_ was currently on Earth and would be here, somewhere. Their last encounters had been strained; he barely even spoke of her on Voyager; until two months ago in one of their calls to home, when she had requested to see him. He had, however, reached out in the few occasions he’d been able to make contact with Earth.  
  
Sekaya was currently working on a rebuild project in the DMZ and was employed as a civilian contractor in charge of securing materials and aid from Starfleet.  
  
The doors hissed open onto deck two and he strolled through, heading for the nearest entrance to the mess hall. The room was packed, and it came as something of a shock to see so many people in civilian clothes and in the newer Starfleet uniform. He grinned at the throng glancing around for familiar faces. Mike stood speaking with Sveta toward the kitchen area; he also spotted his cousin cornered by the Delaney twins which made him chuckle.  
  
A raucous guffaw rang through the room and he knew immediately who _some_ of that laughter belonged to. He grinned to himself following the sound and almost had a heart attack. Sekaya stood with B’Elanna; the pair had been drawn together from the moment they’d met, and another woman. The third woman Chakotay knew well from her sister’s holoimages. Phoebe Janeway had engaged his sister and B’Elanna in what appeared to be rather a lively discussion.  
  
Phoebe looked quite a lot like her sister, though she was taller, a little rounder in the face and her auburn hair, pulled back into a tail, had to be nearly waist length. Her eyes held a glimmer of cheekiness and her smile could only be described as conspiratorial.  
  
Putting on a grin he approached the women. Phoebe saw him first and gave a wide-eyed nod over her Champaign. B’Elanna and Sekaya’s eyes followed and moments later he had a barrelling ball of sister to catch.  
  
Sekaya threw her arms around him excitedly, certainly more excitedly than he’d ever witnessed.  
  
“Thank you,” he breathed.  
  
She laughed releasing him and placed a loving hand on his cheek, “I forgive you for – whatever it was we were fighting about,” she told him.  
  
He cleared his throat, “how generous,” he grumbled, “apology accepted,” he added a moment later, with a grin.  
  
She pushed him with a fist, before waving Phoebe and B’Elanna over. “I’ve just met your Captain’s wonderful sister,” she said, motioning to Phoebe.  
  
“I’ve heard a lot about you, Commander,” Kathryn’s younger sister said with a rather awkwardly suggestive tone.  
  
He had to clear his throat again and found his hand rubbing his earlobe uncomfortably, “I’ve heard a lot about you too,” he replied. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” he added, proffering a hand for her to shake.  
  
She grinned as she shook it, “what, like I’m a terrible excuse for a human, and a sub-par artist?” she suggested, scoffing.  
  
He laughed at her tone; they both knew Kathryn would never refer to her own sister like that, “more like, you’re an underrated talent, and the best sister a captain could have,” he responded levelly.  
  
Kathryn had indeed said as much, she had been talking about the deaths of her father and her first fiancé and insisted that if it hadn’t been for Phoebe she’d probably still be sulking in her room.  
  
Phoebe appeared more than a little taken aback by the sentiment, as did Sekaya. B’Elanna just stared at him with a rather pinch-lipped expression. So, Kathryn and B’Elanna were angry with him for some reason? He pushed that thought out of his mind in order to concentrate on his sister.  
  
“Phoebe, why don’t we give the Commander and his sister some time, I’ll introduce you to my husband,” B’Elanna suggested, nodding to the edge of the room.  
  
_The Commander?_  
  
“Oh! Yeah – Tom; never met him before,” Phoebe said uncertainly. Chakotay knew that she was lying, whether or not B’Elanna knew was another matter, but the engineer seemed intent on escaping.  
  
The Captain’s sister followed B’Elanna through the crowd, leaving Chakotay with a rather perturbed looking Sekaya who punching him in the arm.  
  
“Ow, what the hell was that for?” he griped, rubbing the spot.  
  
She seemed satisfied by his reaction, but shook her head and grabbed him by the collar, dragging him to the corner of the room. He received more than a few intrigued stares from the Voyager crew. He gave a small smile and shrug hoping the crew would just ignore this whole situation.  
  
“What are you doing, Sekaya?” he snapped once they were out of earshot of anyone important.  
  
“I could ask you the same, Chakotay,” she retorted. “Seven?” she growled.  
  
Chakotay blinked as the puzzle pieces slotted into place, “how did you know about that?”  
  
“Why? Are you ashamed? You probably should be,” she growled.  
  
That explained why B’Elanna had been so brusque, _could it also be the reason for Kathryn’s standoffishness?_  
  
“That’s my business,” he retorted in a low tone.  
  
“Well, tell me about her at least. To have _captured_ my brother’s heart she _must_ be an impressive _young_ woman,” Sekaya punctuated her words carefully, and gave a measured glare that sent a chill down Chakotay’s spine. “You _must_ have a lot in common,” she added coldly.  
  
He frowned at her, ready to tell her to go to hell, but he hadn’t seen her in so long. He couldn’t bear for their rift to re-open, not now that they were standing in the same room again. “Ah – sure, we have plenty in common,” he responded, vaguely.  
  
“Oh really, like _what_?” she questioned, crossing her arms beneath her breasts. “She’s in to Anthropology is she?”  
  
“In a way,” he answered, evasively.  
  
“Being Borg means she’s into removing culture, not studying it!” Sekaya snapped, testily.  
  
_Not evasively enough._  
  
“What? She’s not Borg anymore,” he retorted. He was beginning to regret his earlier decision to remain.  
  
“So, ok, if you won’t talk about her, let’s talk about the subject of _every single one of your letters to me!_ ” She must have noticed his interest in walking off, she moved into his way, fixing him with a strong glare.  
  
“That was never going to work, I moved on,” he sidestepped the statement.  
  
She weighed him up in an instant before shaking her head, “bull! I can’t believe you’re dating someone while you’re in love with someone else,” she alleged, “ _very_ healthy, Chakotay.”  
  
“Shut up, Sekaya, you don’t know me _at all_ ,” he responded, angrily.  
  
“Well,” she laughed, “one of us doesn’t.” She studied him from head to toe with a derisive frown, “that’s for sure.”  
  
He glared at her furiously and almost jumped as the door behind her hissed open, and Kathryn stepped through. Someone in the room yelled, “ _Captain!_ ” A cheer rippled through the gathering.  
  
Kathryn covered a face with her hand, blushing intensely at the noise.  
  
“Figure it out before it’s too late,” his sister whispered with a sidelong glance at the Captain.  
  
She walked away, heading back in the direction Phoebe and B’Elanna had gone. Chakotay stood still, hoping not to attract Kathryn’s attention. She strode into the room; eyes fixed on someone in the crowd, her sister in all likelihood.  
  
Without a second glance, Chakotay stalked out of his corner and through the door Kathryn had just entered.  
  
He knew that seeing his sister again would be a mistake. They’d never gotten along particularly well. In fact the only family member he’d gotten along with had been his mother, really. In spite of their differences he had thought this time might be different, but _no_ , she was still the pigheaded know it all she always had been.  
  
The nerve of her; assuming that she knew his heart better than he did – _and yelling at him in front of the crew no less._ He shook his head as he stalked the halls aimlessly. No, he’d moved on, he’d had to! Things aboard had been strained for months now, and if he hadn’t distanced himself when he had -  
  
Perhaps she’d been right about the person he had moved on with, but Seven had asked and it wasn’t as though their liaison was serious.  
  
How the hell did everyone know though? Surely Seven hadn’t said anything.  
  
They didn’t have a right to be angry with him, it was his life and he’d lead it however he damn well wanted!  
  
He stalked around the corner almost walking headlong into Seven who jumped at the sight of him.  
  
“Commander,” she blurted, shocked.  
  
He gave her a small smile, but it fell when he noticed her expression, she was obviously upset.  
  
“What’s wrong?” he asked quickly.  
  
She glanced toward the window with an awkward expression. “I must terminate our romantic affiliation,” she replied. She refused to meet his eyes.  
  
“Why?” he asked, sounding rather more hurt than he actually felt.  
  
“I – do not wish to engage in this experiment any longer,” she responded, though he sensed her evasiveness.  
  
_Experiment?_ “Did someone say something to you?” he asked immediately, had Kathryn or B’Elanna told her to end it?  
  
Her eyes flicked to his for the briefest moment, “no,” she replied in a definite tone.  
  
“Then why?” he pushed. He heard himself and mentally slapped the back of his own head. For some reason he couldn’t stop the line of questioning until he had a clear answer.  
  
“I – know you have affections for someone else. I should have noticed this much earlier. My own interest clouded my judgement – I apologise,” she divulged rather awkwardly. He’d never heard her babble like that before.  
  
“What! I’m not interested in anyone else,” in his mind he silently cursed Sekaya, somehow he _knew_ she was responsible for this.  
  
“You can tell me that you do not have feelings for the Captain?” Seven asked directly.  
  
Chakotay coughed, and choked on his response; he wanted to say the words, he wanted to tell her that his feelings for Kathryn had vanished long ago. But he couldn’t lie, not to Seven, and certainly not to himself.  
  
“I understand,” she said with a nod, and she truly did. Her eyes seemed brighter and happier than a moment ago. If nothing else her ability to let go was enviable, he was certainly jealous.  
  
“I’m sorry, Seven,” he told her, earnestly.  
  
She raised a brow, “do not be sorry, you have affections for someone else. That is nothing to apologise for. I am – undamaged by our parting,” she sounded sincere, though her expression was difficult to read. “I wish you and the Captain the best for the future.”  
  
With a small nod she continued walking in the direction she had been headed before they’d almost run into one another.  
  
He stood for a short time staring out the view port considering their encounter and realised that honestly, he was ‘undamaged’ by their parting as well. Perhaps Sekaya had been right, if pushy, arrogant, annoying and rude. He’d never tell her that of course, she was unbearable as it was.  
  
With a resigned sigh Chakotay made his way back to the party.  
  
_If Kathryn and B’Elanna knew about his – fling with Seven did the rest of the crew know?_ The thought caught him just before he reached the door to the mess hall. Suddenly he felt horribly embarrassed. Licking his lips nervously, he gritted his teeth before stepping inside again.  
  
A few people glanced at him, a derisive, pinch-mouthed frown from Harry, and a flicker of disappointment from Dalby, both Delaneys and Rollins told him that his secret liaison with Seven had not been so secretive.  
  
He gave a small grimace as he proceeded into the room, eyes searching for Sveta. Perhaps she didn’t know what an idiot he was? She was still nestled to the side of the room, chatting happily with Mike.  
  
Braving the stares and irritated looks he pushed through the crowd to her position. She gave him a brilliant grin at his approach, Ayala however, huffed a small sigh.  
  
“I should go and find my brother,” he said politely before leaning forward to kiss Sveta on the cheek. He gave Chakotay a rather curt nod, “Commander,” he said before retreating into the crowd.  
  
Sveta’s brow quirked at the brush off, but she turned her attention to him, “Chakotay, it’s good to see you. Or should I be calling you Commander as well?” she teased lightly.  
  
He gave a small smile, “no, Chakotay from you, please,” he requested. “It’s good to see you, Sveta,” he added after a moment.  
  
“It’s been so long but I have no idea what to say, what to talk about. Isn’t that ridiculous,” she said with a laugh.  
  
He shook his head realising that he too had no idea where to begin. They had so much to talk about but there was little context on either side of the conversation. They’d both need to start from the beginning of course. “Not ridiculous at all, I’d love to catch you up on everything from Voyager, that might take a while though,” he joked.  
  
She stared at him for a moment, blinking uncertainly, “where the _fuck_ has your fire gone?” she asked pointedly.  
  
He coughed despite himself, he’d almost forgotten how abrupt she could be – swearing had also been rather out of place on Voyager. He’d heard an expletive once or twice from very few members of the crew, which was usually followed by an embarrassed and apologetic look.  
  
She studied him further and smiled slightly, “oh, she must be a ball breaker indeed to have stolen your spirit like this,” she joked, jabbing him in the side.  
  
“She?” he asked before he could stop himself.  
  
“Yes, this woman that everyone is so disappointed in you for dating,” she added. _Oh yes, Sveta really had no filters._  
  
“I’m not dating anyone,” he told her frankly, with an irritated frown.  
  
“Oh,” she replied, taken aback. “You could have fooled your crew,” she glanced around at the glowering Voyagers.  
  
He shook his head, “ignore them. Tell me about you, what do you do now?” he asked quickly, wanting to avoid the subject.  
  
“You’re dodging, but I’ll allow it,” she responded with a cheeky grin. “I’m working with your sister actually,” she replied, glancing in Sekaya’s direction. “We are part of the-”  
  
“The rebuild project, yeah,” he finished for her, “so, you’re consulting with Starfleet?” he questioned.  
  
She gave him a rather forthright look before nodding, “you don’t know what the Federation has done for us since you disappeared. They will never make up for abandoning the border worlds. But that is not for lack of trying,” she explained.  
  
“Looks like someone stole your fire too?” he joked. He realised too late how tasteless this comment had been, and felt the crushing weight of the loss of his people again, and the loss of the Maquis.  
  
She frowned at him, “we’re actually heading to Trebus tomorrow with some of the supplies. It would be a short trip. If you are able to join us I think you would be most welcome,” she offered.  
  
Chakotay cleared his throat, “I’m not sure, I mean, there are going to be a lot of Starfleet functions and such – it might be hard to get away this soon after our return,” he said awkwardly.  
  
“There’s a memorial on Trebus, one for all of the Maquis and border worlders,” she told him.  
  
“A memorial?” he questioned.  
  
She nodded, “and you should see Trebus now, it’s booming,” she smiled knowingly.  
  
_A memorial_. His heart tightened again at the mere mention of the loss. He found himself nodding slowly before he could stop himself. “Yeah, I’ll need to clear it with Admiral Hayes, but I think he’d be willing to make an exception,” he said.  
  
“Good! It’s settled, now – tell me about this woman you’re not dating.” 

*****

Kathryn blushed furiously as a cheer welled up through the gathering, from the crew as well as their guests. The embarrassment was two-fold, she didn’t deserve the attention, and she certainly didn’t deserve the praise.  
  
She covered her face in a feeble effort to hide, thankfully though the crew seemed to sense her discomfort and the noise died down once again, focuses reverting to their loved ones and friends. Her eyes scanned the room and she spotted her sister across the other side of the hall speaking with Tom and B’Elanna. With a delighted grin she crossed the room, through the throng, toward them. She had yet to meet B’Elanna and Tom’s new baby who lay nestled and presumably sleeping in the pilot’s lightly bobbing arms.  
  
Try as she might though, she could barely take a step without someone introducing her to a family member. Almost all of whom seemed about to break-down into tears, expressing various levels of profound gratitude and admiration. Kathryn barely managed to keep it together as Chell’s wife drew her into a deep hug and held her face speaking a Bolian chant of thanks. Or when Harry’s mother began to sob clutching her son’s arm and certainly not when Megan and Jenny’s parents called out for another cheer. Why did Phoebe have to be all the way over the other damn side of the room?  
  
By the time she made it to the Paris’s and her sister, she felt emotionally wrung. As though having to run to catch Tuvok, before his transport left, wasn’t bad enough. If the old windbag Strickler hadn’t prattled on for so long she’d have been able to give her friend a proper goodbye. But they were home now, she reminded herself.  
  
Before she was able to say anything to the small gathering, she heard a squeal that she hadn’t heard in seven years as her sister pushed past a woman they’d been talking to and jumped at Kathryn. “Katie!” she screamed in her ear, much to the amusement of everyone in visual range.  
  
“Oh god, Phoebe, you’re going to strangle me,” she choked.  
  
“You’re home!” her sister exclaimed, holding tighter.  
  
“Not for long,” Kathryn coughed, prompting a chuckled from B’Elanna, Tom and whoever they had been talking to.  
  
Phoebe released her, “I thought you were immortal,” she said with a curious expression.  
  
Kathryn rolled her eyes and then drew her sister into a more normal hug on her own. She kissed Phoebe’s cheek and smiled. “Would you believe I’ve missed you?”  
  
Phoebe laughed, “no, but you better believe I missed _you_ ,” she retorted.  
  
“I didn’t doubt that for a second,” Kathryn answered with a sly grin.  
  
With a giggle that made her sound younger than she actually was, her sister turned back toward the group. “In case you didn’t know, Katie,” she motioned to B’Elanna and Tom, “this is B’Elanna Torres, Tom Paris and their adorable baby girl, Miral Kathryn Paris,” Phoebe grinned as she spoke. Neither B’Elanna nor Tom objected to her sister’s revelation of their daughter’s middle name.  
  
Kathryn couldn’t stop herself from gasping like an idiot and Tom and B’Elanna met her eyes with deeply affectionate smiles. She placed a hand over her heart.  
  
“She owes her life to you,” B’Elanna spoke moving toward Kathryn to hold the baby girl out.  
  
Kathryn was left speechless.  
  
“And we’ll never let her forget it,” Tom joked brightly. B’Elanna handed her the precious bundle. Kathryn cradled the baby affectionately; she was remarkably calm and absolutely beautiful.  
  
“I truly don’t know what to say,” she breathed, trying not to burst into tears. She was not going to get through the next week without doing that in front of her crew, she was certain.  
  
“Aaand, before you forget where you are, this is my new best friend, Sekaya,” Phoebe introduced the other woman in the group.  
  
Kathryn blinked, _Sekaya? Oh god!_ “Sekaya? Chakotay’s sister?” she asked warmly.  
  
The tall woman was the image of the one holophoto Chakotay had showed her years ago; tall and slim with long, silken black hair, dark eyes and golden skin. She was positively stunning.  
  
Sekaya stepped forward looking as though she might reach a hand out for her to shake but thought better of it, given Kathryn’s burden. “That’s me, your sister and I met a short while ago, we decided that we dislike the Champaign immensely,” she responded.  
  
Kathryn laughed, giving her sister a sidelong glance.  
  
“It’s truly terribly,” Phoebe responded. Knowing her sister she’d had at least three glasses by now.  
  
B’Elanna laughed, “hasn’t stopped you from grabbing one any time the caterers walk by.”  
  
Phoebe cupped a hand over her mouth and ‘whispered’ conspiratorially, “it’s free,” Kathryn was certain half the room must have heard. If her hands weren’t otherwise occupied she’d have slapped her own forehead.  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me about her?” B’Elanna asked motioning to Phoebe with her head.  
  
“I’m your Captain, listen to me, and by the way my sister’s a drunken freeloader,” Kathryn joked.  
  
Phoebe glared with feigned indignity as the others laughed.  
  
“You have a point,” B’Elanna chuckled.  
  
Phoebe’s glare rounded on the chief, “come on, I’m not even drunk!” she complained.  
  
“Yet?” Sekaya interjected.  
  
Phoebe motioned to her and nodded.  
  
“I see why she’s your new best friend,” Kathryn joked with a smile for Sekaya who nodded, pleased.  
  
“If you lot don’t mind, I’d love to catch up with my sister for a bit, I’m certain she’ll make the rounds soon,” Phoebe said. Kathryn made a move to walk toward the other side of the room, almost forgetting about the snoozing baby in her arms. “You probably need to leave her with her parents.”  
  
Kathryn glanced down shocked and gave an apologetic smile to B’Elanna as she handed Miral back over.  
  
“It’s alright, Captain, we know where you live,” Tom joked.  
  
Before she could respond Phoebe grasped her arm and began dragging her away to a corner of the room. “So,” she said with about as much tact as a Klingon lawyer, “where’s _your_ bestie?”  
  
Kathryn frowned, “who?” she asked. She was going to make Kathryn talk about the one thing she wanted to avoid at the moment.  
  
Phoebe’s brow rose, “you know, mister tall, dark and delicious?”  
  
Kathryn drew a deep breath and shook her head trying not to give away her rather turbulent emotions on that particular matter.  
  
Phoebe however, seemed to pick up on her dismay, “damn, I was hoping you _didn’t_ know,” she commented, taking a sip of her drink.  
  
She gave her sister a quizzical frown.  
  
“You don’t have to pretend, the entire room’s been speaking about little _other_ than tall dark and stupid and his new blonde b-”  
  
“Phoebe!” Kathryn snapped angrily glancing around, hoping to _god_ no one had heard her sister’s less than complimentary comment.  
  
“What, that’s what Sekaya called him,” she retorted.  
  
“I don’t care, don’t you dare refer to the members of my crew like that,” she responded in a quiet but biting tone.  
  
“Welcome home!” Phoebe exclaimed throwing her arms around her sister again.  
  
Kathryn sighed and shook her head, “hah,” she breathed.  
  
“I’m sorry, you’re obviously upset about it; I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Phoebe gestured to the Champaign.  
  
They stood silent for a moment. Kathryn had forgotten _just how quickly_ her sister could get under her skin, but they hadn’t seen each other in seven years. If there was _any_ time to let sleeping dogs lie, it was now.  
  
“It’s just that, well, from your letters I almost expected you to walk in and announce your _engagement_ or something,” Phoebe continued.  
  
Kathryn sighed audibly, “we’re not talking about this,” she growled. “How’s Mom?”  
  
“She’s great, better when I talked to her yesterday than she has been in years,” Phoebe’s acceptance of their change of topic let Kathryn know that her sister would press her again. “She’s at a symposium on Vulcan,” Phoebe added.  
  
“Yes, Owen let me know,” Kathryn responded.  
  
“Well, she can’t wait to see you again,” Phoebe added pleasantly.  
  
“I can’t wait to see her, either,” she replied.  
  
The rest of her evening was spent talking to the families of her crew. She was almost brought to tears several times. Tom’s sisters, both of whom had arrived a short time after Kathryn had left the group, wouldn’t let her go for some time. Mike Ayala’s brother told her of their family’s struggle to come to terms with his disappearance. Susan Nicoletti’s parents had broken down pulling both Susan and Kathryn into a firm hug. Samantha’s husband wailed almost uncontrollably when he met his daughter for the first time. Naomi had taken the encounter remarkably well, holding her father with equally as much affection as he held her. The hardest moment, perhaps though was her conversation with Sekaya before the festivities wrapped up, her brother had vanished some time ago.  
  
Sekaya embraced Kathryn with as much love as she expected from a family member or close friend. “Thank you, Kathryn Janeway, you are an amazing woman, you brought these people, my brother, the former Maquis and your crew home _safe_ ,” she began.  
  
Kathryn smiled and brushed the comment off, a little bashful about the compliment.  
  
“You should be so proud of your accomplishment, Captain. I knew some of these people when they were in the Maquis. They were bitter, enraged and grieving. Seven years ago I couldn’t imagine B’Elanna smiling so joyously, I couldn’t imagine Mike ever getting over the death of his wife. I certainly couldn’t imagine Chakotay being so - calm,” she continued.  
  
Kathryn blinked at that; he’d damn near been a pacifist at times!  
  
“You have changed them for the better, they are truly beautiful to behold, thanks to you.”  
  
Her shell cracked and she hugged Sekaya firmly, unsure what to say in response, ‘it was my job,’ didn’t really seem fitting, nor did, ‘all in a day’s work.’ She allowed her embrace do the talking, since her words had failed her.  
  
“I truly believe you deserve all the happiness in the universe, Captain,” she whispered in Kathryn’s ear, as they hugged.  
  
“Thank you, Sekaya,” she responded. “I can see why Phoebe was so taken with you,” she added again after a moment.  
  
“She’s one of a kind, your sister,” Sekaya responded with a fond look for Kathryn’s now, quite inebriated sister.

*****

Phoebe made sure to get Sekaya’s details so they could stay in touch; after all, they had some planning to do. Sekaya revealed she would be off-world for the next month visiting her former colony, but promised to keep in contact.  
  
She had planned to somehow get her sister and Chakotay dancing at the welcome back dinner the next night, but her plans had been shot out from under her faster than she could say ‘dammit.’  
  
Chakotay had vanished. The entire mood of the party had gone from rather buoyant to desperately scathing in a matter of moments once the senior-staff had taken their seats. Kathryn sat all alone in the centre of their massive table, since her first officer and Tuvok were both absent.  
  
Thankfully B’Elanna and Harry quickly assumed the seats and the senior-staff – or what was left of them – piled into the middle six seats of the table.  
  
Her sister had tried to suck it up and keep a brave face, but her eyes flicked to the seat Chakotay would have occupied far too often for Phoebe’s liking. She planned to comm Sekaya at some point and tell her to kick her brother’s arse whenever she saw him next. In fact she did just that after the dinner which was when Sekaya revealed that she had a stowaway for her journey to Trebus.  
  
Sekaya had already yelled at him for about two and a half hours reportedly, and demanded that he contact a member of his former crew to let them know where he was going. Apparently suitably admonished Chakotay had stormed off to do just that.  
  
Katie had chosen to remain aboard Voyager while Starfleet did the – whatever it was they were doing to the ship. Downloading stuff and pulling things apart, Phoebe assumed. So Phoebe had the Indiana home to herself for a while. She was currently house-sitting for their mother, leaving her husband to fend off their two daughters on his own, _ha, ha, ha, sucker._  
  
Days began to pass and Katie spent a majority of her time in debriefings. Phoebe dragged her out afterwards, despite Katie’s vehement protests that she was exhausted. “You can sleep when you’re dead, Katie!” she insisted.  
  
Her sister had come along to dinners and a couple of shows and even a bar! But all the while she had been maudlin, despondent and just no fun at all. Phoebe had finally relented to hosting simple dinners in Indiana after journalists and paparazzi showed up on their forth night out. The vultures had been relentless, dogging Katie with questions about every facet of Voyager’s journey some of which were entirely inappropriate! So Phoebe asked them all the next night when they were alone.  
  
Katie remained guarded; of course, a lot of their time out there was classified until Starfleet could review the files and such. That didn’t stop Phoebe and after a while of plying her unsuspecting sister with real alcohol she finally managed to manoeuvre the topic to a certain hunky XO.  
  
“I didn’t know there was anything wrong until I told me,” her sister slurred in a rush.  
  
Phoebe squinted as she ran the words through her mind again. She was remarkably lucid when she drank, which came in handy – that being said, sometimes it took a drunk to understand a drunk.  
  
“But, I thought you said he was in love with you for years?” Phoebe asked.  
  
“I – thought he was – but I was _stupid_ and I was _wrong_ ,” Katie responded, darting a finger in her direction as punctuation.  
  
“No! You were – Captain!” Phoebe attempted to cheer her up.  
  
Katie shook her head, “I didn’t want to be,” she admitted with a rather dejected frown.  
  
Phoebe nodded her understanding before pouring more wine into her glass.  
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes and Phoebe noticed Katie’s glance to the empty seat on her left. _What’s that about?_  
  
“The thing that I don’t get is _Seven!? Why Seven?_ ” she grumbled drunkenly. “I mean, he could just about have had his _pick_ , you’ve seen him,” she continued, slurring, and waving her slightly too full glass to the side. A splash of red wine slopped onto the table and Phoebe dabbed it with her sleeve quickly – it was one of Katie’s old tops.  
  
“Mm, and he is – mm,” Phoebe responded.  
  
“Exactly!” Katie nodded, her face turning to a rather peevish expression, “But _Seven_ , that was – like – he was _trying_ to hurt me,” she said. “I mean they’d barely said a word to each -” she hiccupped, “other the entire time Seven was aboard, and then suddenly his tongue is down her throat?”  
  
“Sekaya says they broke up, if that’s any consolation,” Phoebe informed her sister. She wondered whether Katie would actually remember this in the morning.  
  
Katie glanced at her for a time with a depressive frown before shrugging, “he ran away,” she pointed out. She took a long drink of her wine and sighed.  
  
“Apparently because he was embarrassed and he wanted to see the Maquis memorial on Trebus,” Phoebe informed her.  
  
“It’s just that she’s so – cold, abrasive and – analytical and he’s almost effusively passionate, spiritual – they have,” she hiccupped again, “ _less_ than nothing in common.”  
  
Phoebe’s last discussion with Sekaya had involved a plan to get their siblings together, phase one being remind them why they fell in love. She seemed to be doing a rather terrible job of it so far – vaguely she wondered whether Tom or B’Elanna might be able to get her access to some of Katie’s personal files. B’Elanna certainly seemed to have the skill, from what she’d learned so far.  
  
“Well, opposites suck together,” Phoebe said straight faced.  
  
“It’s, opposites attract!” Katie grumbled in irritation. She took another gulp of wine.  
  
“Oh! No wonder people look at me weird when I say that,” she joked.  
  
“But, _why Seven!?_ ” Kathryn groaned again.  
  
“Who cares about Seven,” Phoebe attempted to bolster her sister with a good ol’ fashioned ‘gang up on the other woman’.  
  
“ _I do! That’s why it hurt so much!_ ” Katie responded, sounding far too sober. Phoebe topped her up again.  
  
“Why don’t we talk about something else, tell me when you fell in love with him,” she attempted.  
  
“No,” Katie refused.  
  
“Oh come on, I’m sure -”  
  
“No, Phoebe.”  
  
Phoebe huffed and slumped on the table in front of her feeling rather like she’d failed, she needed those files if she was going to get Kathryn over his ill-fated relationship with the Borg woman. She made another mental note to contact B’Elanna in the morning.

*****  
  
Sekaya spent a good deal of the trip, on the way to Trebus, reading over the schedule for her arrival. She had relatively little time available once she was there, and given the resources that needed to be allocated she had to get every detail perfect or she wouldn’t make it back to Earth in time for her next negotiation.  
  
Chakotay’s presence had – upset things, a little, though he had been a help, she was irritated with him for walking out on his crew so blithely. He owed Kathryn Janeway a great debt and his actions were, for want of a better term, dishonourable. She was almost ashamed that she was related to him.  
  
All that being said he hadn’t been here to grieve the Maquis, and Sekaya had always known of his propensity for running away when things became too real. He had done so when he was young, after their mother had died, he had run away from Starfleet when Trebus had been attacked, and he was doing it again. This time Sekaya would not allow him to lose the one good thing in his life, even if she had to hog tie him and drag him back to Earth kicking and screaming.  
  
Phoebe’s plan to help their siblings remember why they had fallen in love was a great idea, though it would have been better if Sekaya understood the catalyst. Sekaya had queried B’Elanna, but she’d been unable to pinpoint the exact moment. The engineer had known that it was early in their journey, but that was about the best she could do.  
  
She spent far too much of her time trying to figure it out, probing him gently for information on Voyager’s early days. At first he’d been reluctant to talk about it, but she pushed him, “come on, Chakotay, this was your _life_ for seven years. I’m _family_ ; if you can’t tell me about it, then who can you tell?”  
  
He grimaced and shook his head, “fine, what do you want to hear about?”  
  
She had less than no idea and shrugged, “what were your early days like?” she answered hopefully.  
  
He gave something approaching a wistful sigh, “wonderful, terrifying, adventurous and heart-breaking,” he answered.  
  
“Wow, thanks. Now that I know _all_ about your life, why don’t I tell you, about _mine_?” she grouched.  
  
He sniffed, “There’s a lot, ok.”  
  
“Fine, what did your guide think of Voyager?” she asked pointedly. If she couldn’t get him to tell her directly, then he could tell her through his spirit guide.  
  
He blinked uncertainly.  
  
“You _did_ contact your guide while you were out there, _didn’t you_?” she pressed.  
  
“For a few years, yeah,” he replied vaguely, “the last year was – hectic, there wasn’t really time.”  
  
Sekaya stared at him in disbelief, “wow,” she managed.  
  
“Don’t berate me, I didn’t talk to her through most of my childhood, either,” he grouched.  
  
Sekaya shook her head, “maybe you should have a chat with your guide?” she prompted.  
  
He grimaced, “no, thanks though,” he grumbled.  
  
“Did you offend her?” Sekaya asked.  
  
“Something like that, can we just drop this?”  
  
Sekaya gave an irritated grunt before giving up, for the moment. “You’re quite a fool, you realise,” she said before exiting his room.  
  
“Yeah, I’m aware, thanks.”  
  
Perhaps she should ask if B’Elanna could get access to his personal files, she needed to know what had gone so wrong in her brother’s life that had turned him into such a moron.

*****

Chakotay’s mood soured over the course of their journey to Trebus, the only person he could think to contact from Voyager’s crew was Tom of all people. Perhaps because he’d been through this kind of funk before? Tom had promised to pass the message along though he did rather pointedly say that Chakotay should contact the Captain himself.  
  
When they arrived in orbit of his childhood home planet he still hadn’t managed to work up the courage to call Kathryn. He needed time to sort himself out, if he talked to her now he’d probably say the wrong thing. Besides, she may very well be uninterested in talking to him, after their last encounter.  
  
Trebus’ change had been magnificent, the first thing Sveta and his sister did upon arrival was take him to the centre of the small city.  
  
Chakotay approached the memorial with trepidation. The tall tungsten and bronze metal work had been crafted into the shape of a blooming flower, each petal symbolising a planet, and the bud at the centre the Maquis. The names of _every_ border world colonist and member of the Maquis, who had been killed by the Cardassians or during the Dominion war, were engraved upon its frame. The tribute was touching, fitting and utterly heart-breaking.  
  
He drew a careful breath as he placed a small bunch of native flowers at the base of the structure. His eyes flicked to the names and he saw his father’s.  
  
His heart became heavy and he drew a shuddered breath trying desperately not to cry. Despite his attempts his eyes clouded with tears and his throat closed. He cleared his throat in an attempt to dislodge the lump, it didn’t work, unsurprisingly.  
  
Sekaya’s hand rested on his arm lovingly, “I cry almost every time I come here,” she whispered gently.  
  
Swallowing past the lump in his throat he turned to her and gave her a thankful smile, “it’s a beautiful memorial, simple, but strong,” he commented. He could scarcely think of anything else to say, the delicately lacing petals were a touching tribute. He marvelled at the way the flower glimmered brilliantly in the harsh sunlight of the day. Not enough to blind, they’d used dulled metal, but enough to catch the eyes of anyone who might pass by.  
  
“I’m glad you think so,” Sveta said as she placed her own bunch of flowers down, “I helped design it,” she added.  
  
“It’s remarkable, Sveta,” he sighed as his eyes flicked up to the centre, where it promptly fell on B’Elanna’s name. “We might have some names to scrub off though,” he said.  
  
Sveta nodded with a grin, “that will be the best time I’ve ever crossed a name off a list,” she stepped forward and rubbed her finger over Mike’s name. “And I finally got Evek, you should know,” she added.  
  
Chakotay stared at her half impressed and half shocked. Evek, the bastard, had been a thorn in their side since _before_ the Federation had handed the colonies over. He was dead and now the universe was a better place.  
  
“Never underestimate a small Russian with a gun,” she joked.  
  
“Never even crossed my mind,” he responded with a small laugh.  
  
They all stood, staring at the flower for some time before Sekaya sighed sadly, “we need to go over the re-supply and make sure everything is going where it needs to.”  
  
Sveta nodded, “duty,” she made a feigned disgusted grunt.  
  
“If it’s ok, I’d like to stay here, maybe wander around the city a bit,” Chakotay said. He kept his eyes on the sculpture as he spoke.  
  
“Take your time, call us if you get lost,” Sekaya responded brightly, before kissing him on the cheek.  
  
“I’m not kissing you,” Sveta growled before punching him in the arm.  
  
“Ow,” he laughed, “why?”  
  
“For not being here, but –” she rubbed her hand over the names in the centre again, “I’m glad you weren’t here.”  
  
They left him standing there as he read each and every name in the centre of the flower trying to bring up a face to match. Some he didn’t know at all, they’d likely joined after the Val Jean went missing, others he only knew from reputation.  
  
These people may not have been the most moral minded men and women, but they were each of them good and noble in their own right. They’d had to fight dirty against the Cardassians, his only regret, back then at least, had been that they’d had to fight the Federation as well. The Chakotay from that time had hated Starfleet almost as much as the Cardassians. He’d hated himself as well, for leaving his home to be plundered as it was. _That_ Chakotay had hated a lot to be honest – until he met Kathryn.  
  
He shook his head and sighed mournfully, that was something he didn’t want to think about now – he’d probably blown that for good anyway.  
  
Forcing his attention back to the metalwork he began to run through the list of names from Trebus. Friends he had gone to school with, his neighbours, family and people he loved dearly. He could scarcely believe the weight this flower carried, the burden of each petal. Each engraving representing a person, their thoughts, their fears, their loves and hates, it didn’t seem enough. Each person should have their own damn monument!  
  
He felt a tear falling down his cheek.  
  
There had been countless children slaughtered by the Cardassians, civilians ripped from their homes and raped, beaten, tortured and worse as their colonies were burned around them. Not for the first time he wished he had been here, he wished he could have fought for them. In all likelihood he’d have a legitimate claim to space on this flower, if he had, though.  
  
Despite the devastation that had been wrought, and all the anguish the Cardassians had rained down upon his people, they’d made a remarkable recovery. The Federation had been quick to swoop in and reclaim their lot of the DMZ. The Cardassians were hardly in a position to contest the claim thanks to the war; they had gone from a dangerous power in the quadrant to a mere blip that required aid. Shamefully that thought bolstered Chakotay. He knew in his heart that not all Cardassians were monsters, relatively few probably were. Right now they were having about as difficult a time rebuilding as the colonies, though he doubted the Cardassians had produced anything so wonderful Trebus.  
  
He marvelled at the small city that had been built in the short time since his last visit, over fifty thousand people lived here now and the number was growing daily thanks to the rebuild project. It was a testament to the resilience of his people and those from the other worlds that had been sacked.  
  
With one final goodbye to those he’d loved and lost so long ago he stepped away and began to wonder the streets, awestruck by the culture that had developed here. This wasn’t exactly the Trebus he remembered, but it was vibrant, peaceful and beautiful. This city was incredible, _he could move here_ , he thought, once his debriefings were over of course. He had little to keep him on Earth and he doubted Starfleet would maintain his commission. Even if they did he could surely come up with some reason they needed a Starfleet Commander out this way.


	2. Welcome Home

B’Elanna had laughed when Phoebe requested Kathryn’s personal files; apparently Sekaya had asked the same of her brother’s. The engineer had threatened no small amount of bodily harm should anyone find out where Phoebe had gotten them. She took the responsibility in stride, she wouldn’t let B’Elanna down, and she couldn’t let Katie down. After two and a half weeks B’Elanna finally delivered the files, but only after another torrent of strict and violent threats.  
  
It appeared that a goodly portion of Voyager’s crew knew about their Captain and Commander’s affections for one another and she had had numerous offers of assistance should she require. She’d laughed at that, though a small part of her wondered why they hadn’t tried to fix them up while they were still in the Delta Quadrant. Katie had always been a strong believer in love, she couldn’t imagine, as her crew said, that she would push it aside so fervently for duty or some crap. That being said she was a strongly emotional woman. If she felt guilty, if she felt that she didn’t deserve love then no one would have been able to convince her otherwise.  
  
Apparently in the Delta Quadrant there had been, for some time, a betting pool of replicator rations dedicated to when Katie and Chakotay would finally ‘go supernova’. The pool had petered out in their last year, which had reportedly been rather full on. The crew attributed this to a number of ‘incidents’. The first was Katie’s assimilation _by the Borg! The friken’ Borg!_ Harry, who had revealed that little tidbit, had admonished himself right away, forgetting that the incident had been classified. He begged, profusely, that she not tell anyone – which of course she wouldn’t. That, along with a mind-control induced mutiny, a fracture in the time-space continuum (whatever that meant) and a memory erased sojourn with a native alien had apparently wedged the gap. After Quarra, where a majority of the crew had had their memories wiped and were forced to work for some local energy distribution facility, the pool had all but disappeared. The death of one of Voyager’s engineers only two months before their return had apparently all but sealed the end of their intimacy.  
  
By Katie’s own drunken account they hadn’t had dinner together in around six months. She’d missed their meals terribly and it wasn’t for lack of trying on her part. He always had something else to do, which sounded like jerk talk for ‘I’m just not that in to you.’ Sekaya refuted this however; the last communication she’d had with her brother, whilst he was still Delta Quadrant bound, he had apparently still maintained his affections.  
  
The only thing they could do is push them until they went crazy and killed someone or finally kissed. If there was one thing Phoebe knew how to do well, it was drive her sister to the edge of insanity. She felt as though her entire childhood had been building her for this one moment where she could shine!  
  
She had to be subtle though, her sister was wickedly astute and if Katie felt she was being manipulated or manoeuvred, she was likely to move to another planet and never contact her again.  
  
So far her plan with Sekaya hadn’t developed much past ‘remind them why they’d fallen in love’. They intended to talk once Sekaya returned to Earth but that wouldn’t be for a few weeks now. In the interim Phoebe had some reading to catching up on.  
  
While her sister was in her debriefings Phoebe took the opportunity for study. She glanced at the data B’Elanna had sent through, disguised in episodes of ‘A Briefing with Neelix,’ whatever that was. She followed the engineer’s instructions getting to the encrypted files, before opening the first and discarding it almost immediately.  
  
The realisation that she was fitting perfectly into the little sister cliché hadn’t escaped her attention, the idea amused her greatly. It also seemed to add a small thrill of danger to the whole adventure.  
  
Phoebe was uninterested in the depressive writings detailing her sister’s guilt. She made a filter and removed any file that didn’t mention Chakotay, Commander, First Officer or love. Out of the hundreds of files only a handful were removed from the list and Phoebe huffed a sigh. With the amount of time her stupid sister spent thinking about the man, it was a wonder he wasn’t wrapped in her hair long ago. It was also a wonder Voyager made it past the first sector.  
  
She opened the first file which seemed to be from early in their travels. It described some weird ritual thing where Commander Chakotay had shown her how to contact her spirit guide. She read it thoroughly and, though she mentioned being thrilled by opportunity, this wasn’t exactly what she’d been looking for.  
  
A couple more appeared like this, their discussions and her commiserations in regard to some woman named Seska who – was a Cardassian spy of all things!  
  
The first entry that caught Phoebe’s interest was one from about eight months into their travels. They found a colony of Humans who had been abducted from Earth hundreds of years ago. They had given their crew the opportunity to stay behind and Katie was filled with a dread that if too many people wished to remain they wouldn’t be able to run the ship and would all be forced to stay. The Commander’s mention, though brief, reminded Phoebe of something she’d said about Mark at one point. 

_Despite my fear that we may be stuck here, Commander Chakotay was there to offer comfort and support. Without his strength I don’t know that I could have faced that room._

When Justin and their father had died, and Phoebe finally managed to drag Katie out of her room she’d had a run in with their pesky neighbour. Katie mentioned the meeting in passing to Phoebe a time later, saying that Mark had offered her the comfort and support she’d needed. After they had begun dating she mentioned that his strength helped her through each day.  
  
If this wasn’t the moment she’d fallen for her Commander, then Phoebe was a tribble.  
  
She just about had a heart attack as the door _slammed_ closed. She exited the files and everything on her computer screen with a haste that would have made any little sister proud.  
  
Katie stormed in, her face a thunder cloud so wrathful Phoebe almost worried that she might be struck by lightning.  
  
“What happened?” Phoebe’s eyes flicked to the computer with a deep panic that somehow her sister had found out about the invasion of privacy, and was here to kill her.  
  
Katie stood still, fists clenched, breathing slowly as though trying to calm down. Phoebe stood and approached cautiously, “Katie?”  
  
“I have to face a hearing to determine whether I’m going to be court-martialled,” she growled.  
  
Phoebe blinked, “what? Why?”  
  
Katie frowned at her sister and shook her head, “I did – some things out there that I’m not exactly proud of. I knew they’d come back to bite me.” She made a guttural growl and sniffed. Her eyes flicked around as though she was looking for something to throw; instead she scrubbed her hands over her face and through her hair.  
  
“Surely it’s just – a formality though, right?” Phoebe questioned.  
  
Katie met her gaze with a steady, if exhausted expression, “either way this could be the end of my career,” she responded.  
  
“No, are you kidding me? This is just publicity!” Phoebe countered dancing forward, wary of Katie’s still balled fists. “They need something to bring Starfleet back into the news after the Dominion war,” she added quickly.  
  
She’d been following news coverage of Voyager’s return which had begun to dissipate slowly when they couldn’t get a hold of any of the crew for interview. Phoebe cringed wondering whether this was some kind of pseudo punishment for Katie’s less than stellar participation in the journalist’s efforts to corner her for an exposé.  
  
“No, this has nothing to do with publicity,” Katie maintained. She shook her head.  
  
“Sure it does, I bet if you agreed to do an interview with the FNN the charges would just disappear,” she prompted.  
  
Her sister glared ferociously at her, “you _don’t_ know what I’ve done Phoebe, I’ve broken the Prime Directive a half dozen times and in some of the _worst_ ways,” she growled.  
  
Phoebe frowned at her sister’s reaction; surely she couldn’t have done something so reprehensible that Starfleet would seriously court-martial her. She was a _hero_ ; the negative publicity alone would kill recruitment to the academy for years.  
  
“I’m sure this will blow over,” Phoebe tried, earning an almost disgusted grimace.  
  
“I’m going to bed,” Katie growled, “wake me when it ‘blows over’,” she made air quotes over the last two words while rolling her eyes – obviously unamused.  
  
For the first time Phoebe realised just how _different_ this Katie was from the one who had left seven years ago. That Katie had been ambitious, happy, fun and so self-assured it made Phoebe sick at times – _this Katie_ , she had deep issues.  
  
When the door to Katie’s old room slammed shut Phoebe dashed back to her computer and opened a comm channel to Sekaya.  
  
A moment later a sleepy looking, but smiling Sekaya appeared on the screen, “you have to get your brother to watch the news network in the morning,” she hissed keeping an eye on the stairs to make certain there was no movement.  
  
“Good -” Sekaya glanced to her side and grimaced, “ _morning_ , Phoebe, how are you?” she asked.  
  
“Wonderful, sorry, you?” she responded, awkwardly.  
  
“Yep, it’s three in the morning here,” Sekaya told her in a rather matter of fact tone.  
  
Phoebe gave an apologetic frown, “it’s sixteen hundred here,” she joked.  
  
Sekaya laughed and shook her head, “so, why does he need to watch the news?” she prompted finally.  
  
“Oh, yeah, Katie’s being court-martialled,” Phoebe replied.  
  
Sekaya sat forward, “what! Why?” Her expression appropriately shocked and outraged.  
  
“Katie says it’s because of some decisions she made while in the Delta Quadrant, but – honestly, I think Starfleet is trying to get their name back in the news. The crew have been hiding and the networks haven’t been able to pin anyone down for an interview,” Phoebe explained.  
  
Sekaya frowned uncertainly, “that – seems a bit of an extreme length to go to for some publicity.”  
  
“I’ve been following the coverage,” Phoebe responded haughtily, “there’s no coincidence that this is coming up now, there wasn’t a _thing_ about them in the news this morning,” she said. “Er, yesterday morning for you, I guess,” she amended.  
  
With a considered sniff, Sekaya leaned back, “you _could_ be right,” she replied.  
  
“I’m totally right, when have I ever been wrong?” she asked jovially.  
  
The other woman laughed, “I’ve known you for what, two weeks now?” she answered.  
  
“Exactly, so never,” Phoebe said with her most charismatic smile.  
  
Her friend sniffed a laugh, “I’ll make sure Chakotay sees it and I’ll report on his reaction,” Sekaya said finally with a wink.  
  
“Ha, ha, good,” Phoebe smiled before signing off.  
  
If he didn’t come running they might not have a chance.

*****

Sekaya couldn’t sleep after her call from Phoebe so she ploughed back into her brother’s personal files feeling only the slightest tinge of remorse.  
  
Her search to find out why he had fallen for Kathryn Janeway had been resolved immediately.

_The spark was instant, the moment I laid eyes on her. She was a force to be reckoned with. I thought my attraction nothing more than idle fancy, when I beamed to Voyager’s bridge this tiny woman stood head to head with me. She was either crazy, or ballzy, or both.  
  
She involved the Maquis in the search for our missing crew without pause, and listened to my recommendations – as an equal.  
  
The moment I knew though, the moment it really hit me was when she stood on the bridge and she tossed the Prime Directive out the airlock in favour of a colony, someone’s home. In that moment, destroying the array, she embodied the Federation’s ideals and principles better than the Federation had in years. That was the moment I fell in love with Kathryn Janeway. _

Sekaya could hardly believe her luck. Only a few files later he had introduced her to her animal guide, a deeply intimate and spiritual event shared only with ones closest friends, family or lovers. She couldn’t help but wonder whether Kathryn Janeway knew the depth of this interaction. She would need to tell Phoebe; perhaps she could do something with that?  
  
There had been a couple more logs before she found another, rather devastating entry. Chakotay had been raped. Seska turned out to be a Cardassian spy and she was obsessed with Chakotay. Sekaya had met the woman only once and was ashamed to say that she’d been taken with her. That was the point of spies though, wasn’t it? Draw you in, gain your trust and then – apparently steal your DNA to impregnate themselves.  
  
While the assault on her brother had angered her, and broken her heart he mentioned a discussion with Kathryn afterward that moved her almost to tears. Kathryn Janeway had been captured by the Cardassians, with one of her commanding officers, when she was young. The revelation had been a small showing of comfort to Chakotay; their friendship had been blossoming at the time. Kathryn had said the Cardassians hadn’t hurt her in the exchange, but Chakotay had his doubts about that, as did Sekaya. From what Chakotay gleaned this was Kathryn’s subtle way of telling him that she was no fan of the Cardassians either. Sekaya wasn’t certain herself; this sounded more like an offer of support. Kathryn had some inkling of what he was going through and was letting him know she was there for him.  
  
There were many more entries involving Kathryn in their second year and Sekaya could see just how much respect Chakotay carried for the woman. It also seemed that she was an incorrigible flirt, which had given her brother some modicum of hope.  
  
She didn’t manage to get much further before her alarm buzzed scaring her half to death – in a moment of fright she closed the files, before realising what the noise actually was.  
  
Laughing off her ridiculous reaction, Sekaya moved into the bathroom and readied herself quickly before heading out into the lounge area. Chakotay sat nursing a mug of tea, staring blankly at the wall.  
  
At least he was up.  
  
Sekaya turned the display in the kitchen on and flipped to the Federation News Network.  
  
Her timing had been perfect, Kathryn Janeway was shown stalking up the steps to Starfleet Headquarters.  
  
“- As the hearing is set to commence within the week,” a far too cheerful reporter announced. “Captain Janeway refused to comment-”  
  
Chakotay almost dropped his tea as he bolted upright, “what was that?”  
  
Sekaya feigned uncertainty, but turned the sound on the monitor up.  
  
“The Voyager’s former crew have been out in force this morning protesting the arraignment.”  
  
Chakotay raced to stand in front of the screen almost panic-stricken.  
  
The image switched to Tom Paris and Harry Kim who wore infuriated expressions, “this whole thing is ridiculous, they don’t know what it was like out there!” Kim growled angrily.  
  
“She sacrificed more to get us home than she should have, and now Starfleet wants to punish her for it,” Tom added testily.  
  
The image flicked back to the news reporter, “the indictment has caused quite a stir within Starfleet with a number of Captain Janeway’s colleagues coming forward in support. Some have threatened to resign their commissions should the court-martial proceed.”  
  
“I have to go, I have to get back there,” Chakotay babbled.  
  
“There’s an express leaving in three hours,” Sekaya told him, “it’ll have you back there in eight days,” she added.  
  
He looked as though he’d just been punched in the gut, “I won’t make it in time.”  
  
“As long as she knows she has your support it should be enough, Chakotay,” she told him.  
  
“Is there a faster transport I can take?” he asked. The trip could take five days if you had warp nine and could maintain the speed the entire way. Sveta’s transport could certainly get him there in almost that time, but she and Sveta were needed here.  
  
She shook her head.  
  
“Dammit, I can’t believe – I should have seen this coming!” he growled at himself.  
  
“Because of the array thing?” Sekaya asked tentatively, she hoped he didn’t ask how she knew about it.  
  
“That – other things,” he grumbled, “I feel like such a jack-ass!” he yelled.  
  
Sekaya ran through the list of items on her personal itinerary for the next week, she could come back and finish up with their next shipment in three months. Her eyes fell on Chakotay’s, he almost seemed lost.  
  
“I’ll talk to Sveta, if we push it we can have you there in five days,” she said.  
  
He glanced at her with a brilliantly heart-warming expression.  
  
“Go pack!” She snapped.  
  
He became a sudden flurry of movement as he danced back and forth seemingly unsure where to start.  
  
“Your room?” Sekaya suggested.  
  
“Right,” he muttered darting off to the guest room.  
  
Sekaya moved to the comm panel and opened a channel to Sveta.  
  
Sveta growled something at the screen and glared at her, she appeared dishevelled as though she’d just woken – which she probably had. “Sorry, Sveta, I need you to prep to head back to Earth.”  
  
Her eyes opened brightly, “An hour, then we can go,” she agreed far too eagerly. Sekaya wondered whether Mike had anything to do with her enthusiasm.  
  
Sekaya gave her a warm smile, “thank you, see you in an hour.”

*****

Phoebe spent the next few days fielding a frustrating torrent of calls, mostly well-wishes for Katie from various Captains and Admirals who were positively outraged by Starfleet’s reaction. There were a good portion of calls from Voyager crew members who had left Earth for some reason or other, all of whom sent their support.  
  
About the only person in Starfleet who _hadn’t_ contacted yet was Chakotay, which frustrated Phoebe no end. Sekaya insisted that the first thing he had done when he heard the news was almost break one of her tea cups in his haste to pack. They’d called their trip to Trebus short and would be back in a couple of days. Why he hadn’t contacted Katie directly was beyond Phoebe though – perhaps he wanted to talk in person?  
  
All of these calls of support, great as they were, did nothing to help her research which was cut dramatically short when their mother returned early.  
  
Her sister had been forced off Voyager rather unceremoniously when the news of the hearing was made public, so she’d been spending her time here – unfortunately for Phoebe. But of course Katie wasn’t home when their mother arrived, still debriefing and probably in the midst of ripping some poor unsuspecting Admiral limb from limb.  
  
Gretchen Janeway was a force of nature wrapped in a bunny costume. The woman was all roses and chocolate on the outside but made even the toughest Starfleet drill sergeants appear a mewling kitten in comparison. If her mother caught Phoebe with Katie’s personal files not a being in the universe would be able to hide her from the carnage that would ensue. She had stowed the, now non-networked, device in her quarters and deleted the original file sent through by B’Elanna.  
  
Her mother strode through the front door dropping her bag, “Phoebe?” she called from the door.  
  
Phoebe poked her head out from the, now spotless, kitchen. “Mom!” she exclaimed, racing over to hug the woman.  
  
“You didn’t bring the girls with you?” her mother asked sounding somewhat disappointed.  
  
“Oh, they’re with James, they’d make _such_ a mess if I brought them here,” she said awkwardly.  
  
Her mother’s thin-lipped expression told Phoebe that she knew exactly where the mess would actually come from. She couldn’t deny it, after all she’s spent the past four hours cleaning to her mother’s ridiculous standards.  
  
“So,” Phoebe decided to change the subject, “Katie’s at Starfleet Headquarters, I’m sure she’d love to see you for lunch though,” she said brightly.  
  
“Good, we’ll head out in twenty minutes then,” Gretchen replied with a tone that suggested that indeed they would head out in twenty minutes.  
  
Phoebe sighed inwardly; she’d hoped their mother would want some alone time since she hadn’t seen her for – what, six years, nine months and some change. She’d hoped she might have the afternoon to study more of the files but it looked like she wasn’t going to have a decent opportunity for some time now. Sekaya would be arriving tomorrow making what was sure to be a record run from the DMZ to Earth, and she doubted their mother would allow them any time to relax.  
  
Phoebe decided to contact her husband, James, and ask him to head to Earth. Their daughters would provide an excellent distraction for Mom which would take a bit of the pressure off Katie she was sure. Katie had her hands full now and the last thing she needed was to be over-mothered, she may just throw _herself_ into the stocks.  
  
They readied and fifteen minutes later headed out the door toward the teleport station. Her mother all but ran ahead and a tired, completely unfit and unprepared Phoebe struggled to match pace. This of course earned her a disapproving frown, to which she smiled brightly.  
  
“Mrs Janeway, how lovely to see you!” the chief said when they entered the station. The short, stocky twenty something man wore a bright and endearing smile, he knew the candied version of Gretchen.  
  
“Lieutenant Grant, how’s your father doing?” Mom asked pleasantly.  
  
“Good ma’am, he’s just been off world for negotiations with the Miret, but he’s back now,” the Lieutenant said pleasantly. “As a side note, he’s one of the officers who’ve threatened to resign if Captain Janeway is prosecuted,” he added proudly.  
  
Phoebe’s brow rose, impressed.  
  
“I’d expect nothing less,” her mother spoke stepping up to the pad.  
  
Phoebe had to shake herself, earning a stern glare from her mother. She bounded onto the pad with a smile for the young lieutenant.  
  
“San Francisco?” the young man questioned.  
  
Her mother nodded with a smile, “Starfleet grounds,” she added and a moment later the transporter beam took them.  
  
Phoebe shuddered on the other end, she _hated_ being teleported which had been a big part of the reason she’d never joined Starfleet; that and she enjoyed her art far too much – and she was lazy.  
  
The station was replaced by one that looked basically the same with the exception of the Lieutenant behind the desk, a slim Bolian woman who grinned pleasantly as they passed by.  
  
Her mother didn’t even blink before taking off toward the doors. Phoebe darted off the pad to keep up as they headed toward Starfleet Headquarters.  
  
A number of people Phoebe recognised from Voyager stood around the entrance, presumably they weren’t allowed to attend the hearings, but were here showing their support. Phoebe was almost blown away by the depth of the Voyager crew’s affection for Katie. They really were prepared to do anything for her, it seemed.  
  
She met B’Elanna’s eyes as they approached and waved lightly, the young Lieutenant moved over, cautiously eyeing Gretchen Janeway.  
  
“Mom, this is Lieutenant B’Elanna Torres, from Voyager,” Phoebe stated as the engineer came within an acceptable introductory distance. “B’Elanna, this is my mother, Gretchen Janeway.”  
  
B’Elanna smiled and proffered a hand politely, “It’s an honour to meet you, Mrs Janeway,” she said sweetly.  
  
“Aren’t you just beautiful,” Gretchen gushed. She placed her hands on both of B’Elanna’s shoulders fondly and smiled warmly, putting the engineer at ease. _A storm’s a brewin’_ , Phoebe thought to herself.  
  
B’Elanna seemed unsure how to respond, “I – ah – thank you?”  
  
Her mother gave her a once over before releasing B’Elanna’s shoulders and taking her hand, “you were the chief engineer, correct?” she asked immediately.  
  
“Ah – yes, ma’am,” B’Elanna responded uncertainly, though she put on her brightest smile.  
  
“Are they not allowing you in the hall?” Her mother asked before resuming her course toward the entrance.  
  
“No, they won’t let anyone from the crew in – they might let the Commander in, but he ran aw-” B’Elanna stopped herself at Phoebe’s sharp head shake, “but he’s not here,” she amended.  
  
“How positively unsupportive of him,” her mother grumbled as they walked up the steps.  
  
B’Elanna appeared to be about to say something, but closed her mouth obviously deeming it inappropriate.  
  
“He’s on his way,” Phoebe defended him quickly, which earned a frown of disapproval from her mother and a curious expression from the engineer.  
  
They entered the building, both Phoebe and B’Elanna drawn in Gretchen Janeway’s wake. She stopped talking in her determined stride so Phoebe took the opportunity to speak with B’Elanna.  
  
“So, how’s Miral, how’s Tom?”  
  
“Good, _so_ good,” she replied with a happy smile, “noisy –” she amended, “but I think Miral keeps him busy enough.”  
  
Phoebe chuckled at the joke all too conscious of volume here in the halls.  
  
She turned her attention forward again in time to watch with horror as Gretchen bypassed two men in security gold and open a door to what she assumed must be the hall in which Katie was being ‘reviewed’.  
  
“Mrs Janeway, you can’t be here,” Admiral Rogers announced at the door.  
  
Katie didn’t turn around, but her head fell into the palms of her hand and she shook her head ever so slightly. Phoebe and B’Elanna both shifted awkwardly torn between making themselves scarce or waiting to see who won, the Admirals or Gretchen Janeway. Phoebe’s money was on her mother.  
  
“Excuse me, Amber, dear,” Gretchen began, with a firm look at Admiral Amber Rogers. Phoebe knew most of the men and women in the hall which meant that a good portion of them were on a first name basis with her mother. “I have the right to attend my daughter’s trial.”  
  
Katie slunk back into her chair obviously embarrassed by their mother’s behaviour.  
  
“This is not a trial, Mrs Janeway,” Admiral T’Mira spoke from the bench at the front, “this is a hearing.”  
  
“You say Starship, I say Spaceship,” Gretchen retorted knowing how the jibe would get under the skin of every Starfleet officer present. B’Elanna grimaced, appearing quite irritated.  
  
“Whatever you call it, we are discussing classified materials -” T’Mira spoke, but Gretchen cut her off sharply.  
  
“Classified materials that her crew knows about, why aren’t _they_ allowed to support my daughter,” she reached out and grabbed B’Elanna’s arm pulling her forward roughly before holding her in place, hands on upper arms.  
  
The engineer gave a horrified look as though she might just evaporate under the Admiral’s glares.  
  
Phoebe mouthed, ‘sorry,’ to her, but the woman seemed barely able to register anything. Though she seemed _very_ aware of the phaser rifles carried by the two gentlemen at the door, and what they might be able to do to her.  
  
T’Mira leaned over to some old man sitting next to her, Phoebe didn’t recognise him. He whispered in her ear and she nodded after a second returning her attention to Gretchen, “very well, after our recess the Voyager crew will be permitted to sit in on the discussion, you however must remain outside.”  
  
Her mother released B’Elanna’s arm, but the engineer remained in the same position as though afraid someone might bite her. Her mother may well do so since she was denied – but to Phoebe’s surprise she nodded and headed out. Like a satellite in her orbit, Phoebe followed closely, B’Elanna dashed after them once she realised she stood in the doorway, alone.  
  
“I can’t believe you did that,” B’Elanna gasped.  
  
Gretchen turned and gave the young woman a confident smile, “I’ve baby-sat for half the people in that room, they weren’t going to deny me,” she replied.  
  
“But – they _did_ deny you,” Phoebe pointed out.  
  
Her mother favoured her with a withered look, “Phoebe, I got exactly what I wanted, support, in that room, for my daughter,” she explained as though she was talking to a child.  
  
B’Elanna smiled broadly, “you played them,” she said, sounding truly impressed.  
  
“Yes, my dear, I did,” Gretchen replied.  
  
The engineer threw her arms around Gretchen, “I am so glad you’re my Captain’s mother,” she expressed, gratefully.  
  
Her mother hugged back, “they’d have let you all in the hall eventually,” she responded giving a fond smile.  
  
B’Elanna pulled away and gave Gretchen a warm and almost mesmerised look, “you don’t understand, _that_ what you just did _there_ ,” she motioned toward the doors they’d just exited. “Your daughter learned a _lot_ from you!”  
  
Her mother positively beamed, Phoebe couldn’t think of a time she’s appeared prouder.  
  
“I assure you, a lot of her gusto comes from her father,” her mother responded, blushing. _Blushing! Her mother never blushed!_  
  
B’Elanna laughed, “and I guess I know where she gets her modesty too,” she added.  
  
_Oh gees_ , “shush, B’Elanna. I’m already her second favourite daughter, don’t make me her third,” Phoebe joked, earning an almost sad look from her mother, but a friendly grin from the engineer.  
  
“Now, how about I take you two out for a nice meal while they figure out how to tell your crew they can enter the hall.”

*****

Kathryn was positively mortified the moment the doors crashed open, they _actually_ hissed, but in her mind she imagined them being thrown open like in some tacky holoromance. At first she’d had a vain glimmer of hope that it might be Chakotay, returned earlier than expected and ready to tear the Admiralty apart on her behalf. She should have known though, her mother must have arrived what – half an hour earlier.  
  
She had been almost ready to plead guilty, right then and there, just to end the embarrassment. Once her mother had left, the Admirals had favoured her with a stern glare almost challenging her to say something so they could add more charges to the frighteningly large list she’d been accruing. She was tired, no, she was exhausted.  
  
Her exhaustion was catching up with her; seven years of barely sleeping from stress were bad enough. Now she had trouble sleeping because the engines weren’t running. She’d woken in the middle of the night a couple of times, calling for red alert, or going for her comm badge, only to hear the sound of crickets or catch the scent of the oak furniture in her old room. The whole thing was entirely disorienting and it was sure to send her nuts sometime sooner or later.  
  
She didn’t want to deal with any of this now, did her mother understand just how difficult a position she’d put Kathryn in? Having her crew in this hall would make the proceedings considerably tougher, especially when it came to explaining the reasoning behind her decisions. It was bad enough thinking that Chakotay was allowed to enter the halls, at least he was still a day away – not that she expected him to come here, when he returned. She’d heard nothing from him since Voyager got home around three weeks ago, why would that change now?  
  
While the board were conferring, Admiral Simons approached giving her lawyer a ‘go away’ look, which the wimp promptly obeyed.  
  
“Kathryn, I was hoping I could discuss something with you,” the Admiral asked motioning toward the chamber on the side of the hall.  
  
She stood obediently and followed him into the small room where he offered her a seat. She sat and he took the chair behind the desk, giving her a warm smile.  
  
“I was – chatting to some of the other Admirals and we were thinking that it might help your - image for this case if you participated in an interview with the Federation News Network,” he glanced at her almost nervously.  
  
Kathryn’s mouth hung open and she couldn’t find the energy to close it. _Phoebe was right, Phoebe of all people!_ “You’re kidding me right?” she blurted before she could stop herself.  
  
“No one _really_ knows you, or your crew, everyone has been avoiding the spotlight. All I’m saying is that it would help with – public opinion,” he said. “If members of your crew would be willing to give interviews I’m certain it would help pressure the brass into dropping the charges.”  
  
Her eyes flicked to the stars sitting on his shoulder, “this is a publicity stunt,” she stated. _How the hell can Phoebe be right!_  
  
He coughed sounding more than a little nervous, and so he should.  
  
“I can’t believe this! My crew has been through hell for the last seven years and you want to drag them into interviews so they can cry on camera for you?” She was standing now – _when had that happened?_  
  
“Well, I wouldn’t put it like th -” he began, but she cut him off sharply.  
  
“No, absolutely not, I will fight this on my merit! I am _not_ putting my crew on display just so you can bolster academy recruitment,” she growled, angrily.  
  
He raised a brow and smiled, he actually smiled!  
  
“You are an astute woman, Captain Janeway,” he said after a moment. He nodded as though to himself before standing. “We’ll continue with the proceedings,” he said motioning back toward the door.  
  
Kathryn desperately wanted to know what that smile had been about but wasn’t willing to bend and ask. She stalked toward the door and back out into the briefing hall. Admiral Hayes gave her a glare that was somewhere between irritated and puzzled. The man had become impossible to deal with since he’d taken over as Fleet Admiral. Nechayev, difficult though she had been, at least had the good grace to lower herself to the level of those under her command. Kathryn had actually been sad to learn of her death in the Borg invasion a few years earlier. Hayes heard only what he wanted to hear, the fact that he sat on the board boded poorly indeed.  
  
She resumed her seat as Simons exited behind her and approached the bench. The five Admirals leaned forward and enjoyed a hushed discussion.  
  
“What was that about?” Her lawyer, a Bolian man named Trull asked.  
  
“Starfleet wants me to do an interview with the Federation News Network, if I do so, they’ll drop the charges,” she told him without filter.  
  
“He said that?” the man asked incredulous.  
  
“Not in so many words, but I can read between the lines,” _and Phoebe told me what was going on – damn Phoebe, how could she be right._  
  
“So, you’re going to do it right?” he asked tentatively.  
  
She gave him a frank look and shook her head, “no,” she replied, hotly. “If I’m going to get this dismissed I’ll do it on my merit, I’ll let my work stand for itself,” she growled.  
  
“Well, Captain, your pride is all well and good, but as your legal counsel I have to ask you to reconsider,” he whispered.  
  
“What? Why?” she snapped, peevishly.  
  
He glanced down at the PADD he held, “Captain, you did break the prime directive on a number of occasions, and – well, honestly, some of these things – I wouldn’t even know where to _begin_ your defence.” He appeared stricken or perhaps nervous that she was about to hit him.  
  
She stared at him running over the incidents in question through her mind. In the court-martial they had to consider the good and the bad though, didn’t they? She had done some regrettable things in her time out there, but they had done some amazing things as well. Without Voyager half of the Delta Quadrant would no longer be able to sustain a warp field! They had dealt not one but three crushing blows to the Borg and brought back technology _years_ beyond Starfleet’s current levels. They’d also prevented the Romulan Empire from taking one of Starfleet’s most advanced Starships and made incredible strides in both slipstream and transwarp technologies. Not to mention the discovery of the Voth, befriending a Q, rescuing people who had been taken by the Borg and coming up with an effective means to do so in future.  
  
She slumped back in her chair as she considered the seven years they’d spent in the Delta Quadrant.  
  
The destruction of the array was certainly a direct violation of the prime directive, but it could be argued that leaving it there would allow the Kazon, and whoever else might come along the opportunity to invade the Alpha Quadrant.  
  
The Borg against species 8472 would be tougher, if Kes were here to testify she would be able to tell them what she’d told Kathryn back then. That species 8472 were an invasion force and that stopping them there and then was the best course of action. She had no idea that the Borg had instigated the fight. The fact that species 8472 hadn’t been overly cavalier about who they aimed their weapons at might be enough to convince the brass.  
  
Giving holographic technology to the Hirogen certainly hadn’t been a favourable result, but the point was moot. The choice had been to give them the technology or they would take Voyager and have holographic technology and everything else the ship had to offer, killing her crew slowly, in the process.  
  
Transporting telepaths across Devore space would doubtless earn nothing more than a finger waggle. The circumstances might have been different if she hadn’t had her own telepaths to protect.  
  
Equinox however would be the killer. She hadn’t broken the Prime Directive, but she’d done something abhorrent. So abhorrent that now she could scarcely believe she had been the one to do them. If Chakotay hadn’t been there to stop her she knew this court-martial would have been a certainty. That was of course, if they’d made it home, Chakotay may have relieved her from duty had she gone down that road – and rightly so. What would have happened then?  
  
She had taken time since the encounter to apologise profusely to Noah Lessing. At first he seemed terrified of her, which she understood. Eventually, however, he had visited her and discussed that he felt the same kind of self-loathing she did. Their conversation had been deep and heartfelt, and though they probably wouldn’t call each other friends he had never spared her a smile in the corridors.  
  
The Admirals turned back to her, all staring at her before Hayes cleared his throat, “now, let’s talk about the incident from Stardate 49655.2,” he began.  
  
_Mid 2372_ , she thought, trying to draw what exactly had happened. Then she remembered with painful clarity – Tuvix.

*****

Chakotay had no idea where to go once they reached Earth’s orbit, it was mid-morning and in all likelihood Kathryn would already be in the hearing. He spent about twenty minutes debating what to do with himself before Sveta pushed him onto the transporter pad, “don’t move or I’ll beam you down without clothes,” she threatened.  
  
Not wishing to relive that experience, and knowing _full well_ that Sveta would do it, he stood stock still until the beam took him. Immediately his eyes flicked down and he was thoroughly relieved to see that he still wore his black business pants and white button up shirt. He’d wanted to look professional, clean cut and presentable for Kathryn – he felt foolish though.  
  
He glanced around realising that he stood in the Starfleet Headquarters transporter room. A young Lieutenant looked up at him expectantly, her eyes shot wide with recognition when he met her gaze. He gave a small wave and disembarked the pad.  
  
“Sir,” she said sounding more than a little awestruck.  
  
“Lieutenant,” he responded feeling ridiculous, he should be wearing his uniform, what was he _thinking_ showing up here in civilian clothes?  
  
“They’re in briefing hall two, sir,” she told him as he headed to the door.  
  
He blinked uncertainly for a moment before realising she meant the hearing, “thank you, Lieutenant,” he replied with a nod.  
  
Exiting the room he glanced around, suddenly and completely mesmerised by the hall. He hadn’t been here in over eight years; he’d almost forgotten how domineering, yet open, this place had seemed. The broad windows with a view of the harbour and the bridge, the tall ceilings and the potted plants gave a feeling of safety. They were a front of course, in his sight he spotted no less than twelve armed security agents patrolling and that was just from his vantage point by the transporter room. He also noticed at least three security agents in disguise. He almost kicked himself at the realisation that there were likely eight or more. He _should_ have been able to pick them out, but they were doing their jobs far better than he.  
  
He walked down the steps and was greeted immediately by Phoebe Janeway who gave him a broad grin and then, when she came close enough, a punch in the arm.  
  
“Ow! Why do people keep punching me?” he griped.  
  
“That was for leaving without a word,” she replied brightly. “Though, your sister would say it’s because you’re an idiot.”  
  
“She says that a lot,” he mumbled as he turned toward briefing hall two.  
  
“This, by the way,” she motioned to another woman who had joined them, “is my mother, Gretchen,” she spoke. The woman was unquestionably Kathryn’s mother. “Mom, this is Katie’s first officer, Chakotay,” she added with a hint of import.  
  
He almost had to force himself to breath before he thrust a hand in her direction, “it’s an honour to meet you,” he said earnestly.  
  
She smiled and took his hand shaking it firmly. Her eyes held the strength he saw often in Kathryn, they seemed to be weighing and measuring him now as though he were an ingredient in a meal she planned to cook. Her gaze caused him to shift uncomfortably and clear his throat.  
  
“A pleasure,” she responded finally.  
  
“Is Kathryn already in the hall?” he asked carefully.  
  
Phoebe coughed as though she’d just choked on something and Mrs Janeway’s brow rose in a manner quite similar to Kathryn’s.  
  
“What?” he asked.  
  
“You called her Kathryn!” Phoebe exclaimed, “She _hates_ it when people call her Kathryn! It’s always Katie or Kathy – or if you’re really brave – Kat,” the words came out in a gasped babbling.  
  
“I – ah, that’s what she asked me to call her,” he said a little self-consciously remembering that day fondly. He’d hesitated then, but now it felt strange calling her anything else.  
  
Kathryn’s mother continued her weighing gaze. He felt as though she was reading his mind, that perhaps Kathryn had lied about her parentage and that this woman was actually a light-eyed Betazoid.  
  
“Yes, she’s inside already, so are half your crew,” Gretchen said motioning to the door. He noted the way she said ‘half your crew’, the tone wasn’t exactly judgemental, but implied her disappointment that he hadn’t been here earlier.  
  
They began to walk in the direction of the hall, Chakotay feeling more and more anxious and uncomfortable by the step. Neither woman said a word, but he caught both giving him a considering gaze at one point.  
  
Suddenly he wondered why they were there; they couldn’t be here waiting for her lunch break, surely. Perhaps they’d just dropped Kathryn off? He had to wonder whether Sekaya had asked them to meet him. _Had Sekaya kept in close contact with Phoebe?_  
  
They reached the door before he had time to ask. The security guards gave the Janeway women a rather stern and irritated look, but allowed Chakotay to enter.  
  
The sound of the doors opening halted Admiral Hayes mid-sentence and almost every eye in the room fell on him. He had a sudden desire to run back outside. Instead he forced himself to take the first available seat. There was, however one person who had not turned back. Kathryn sat still as a board, eyes front and centre.  
  
If she didn’t know who had entered before, the muffled muttering from Voyager’s crew certainly would have given her a good idea that it was him. He felt more than one pair of eyes drilling into him from around the room, and in an effort to ignore them he maintained his gaze on the Admirals seated on the Board.  
  
“Now, by Commander Chakotay’s account you became irrationally violent toward crewman Lessing,” Admiral Hayes announced over the hall.  
  
He planted his face in his hands – _oh, perfect timing, Chakotay._ It seemed his ability to walk head first into the viper’s den, right when they were hungriest, had not ceased once Voyager returned home.  
  
Kathryn shifted uncomfortably in her seat.  
  
“You believed that your interrogation of Mr Noah Lessing was justified?” T’Mira questioned.  
  
His Captain pinched the bridge of her nose and Chakotay sunk back into his chair trying to meld into nothing, what he wouldn’t give for a personal cloaking device.  
  
Kathryn leaned forward, “as I’ve said,” she sounded rather angry, “we were running on a clock, I had to get the information or risk losing my ship. I made a judgement call – _Mr_ Chakotay made a different call,” she spoke.  
  
Chakotay knew then and there that, not only had he lost all hope of recovering their friendship, but that he shouldn’t have come. He could hardly get up and walk out now, though.  
  
Idly Chakotay began to wonder how exactly Kathryn’s future-self managed to travel back in time. He’d love to travel back now and slap at _least_ one past version of himself. Perhaps the one who’d put the grievance in his log, or the one who’d said yes to Seven of Nine?  
  
“The Commander managed to extract the information necessary to help protect the ship?” T’Mira continued.  
  
“Not exactly, he decided to take a different tact noting that crewman Lessing was unlikely to betray his Captain,” Kathryn continued.  
  
“Would your method of obtaining the information have saved lives on Voyager?” Hayes asked quickly.  
  
“Objection, subject to experience, there is no way Captain Janeway could know that for sure,” her lawyer spoke quickly.  
  
“Sustained,” T’Mira spoke.  
  
“And on your decision to relieve Commander Chakotay from duty,” T’Mira continued. Chakotay wondered if he could contact Sveta and get a beamout. “Do you believe this was the best course of action, given your – behaviour.”  
  
Kathryn planted her face in her hand again, “no,” she replied quietly. “With the gift of hindsight it would have been better to have his – sound judgement available,” she added. He noticed her slap her own leg in a resigned manner.  
  
He imagined she was not overly happy admitting that in front of the hall, especially not with him in the room.  
  
From his low vantage point he couldn’t really see over the shoulders of – Chell, it was Chell in front of him, but he could feel people continually glancing back in his direction.  
  
“Did the command structure break down after this incident,” Hayes asked.  
  
Kathryn shifted in her seat, “yes, marginally. Commander Chakotay and I had a - difficult time getting back on course. We realised that we needed to put the incident behind it, so we discussed the matter, at great length, and aired our issues,” she replied to the question.  
  
Aired was one word for it, they’d had a screaming match that had the crew tip-toeing for weeks. As she had said, they’d _needed_ to work together, no matter how angry they were with each other. They’d worked out long before that that they were better as a team than enemies, so she had forced the point. She had dragged him into his office and thrown down the gauntlet so to speak. They’d spent nearly six hours, uninterrupted, yelling about – basically everything, which had been the moment Chakotay realised _just how_ stressed she was.  
  
She hadn’t just been angry about the Equinox situation, she had been angry about everything. The depression she’d been exhibiting earlier in the year came to a head and she had been almost in tears over every miniscule perceived mistake or flaw she found within herself or her command. In the end she had been yelling at herself, and it was all he could do not to wrap his arms around her and comfort her.  
  
Though he was angry with her for relieving him from duty he understood what she was doing – probably better than anyone. He’d felt much the same as she did, when the Federation had handed his colony over the Cardassian control, though he could hardly take down his ‘whale’ on that occasion. He still yelled at her for it though, of course. It was the best she deserved, if the damn woman had confided in him for a change he might have been able to help her, instead she’d shut him out – once again.  
  
“How about the former Equinox crew members, how did they serve aboard?” T’Mira asked.  
  
“Very well, each of them seemed to understand their mistakes; I can’t imagine that they were in an easy position aboard the Equinox. Voyager allowed them all the opportunity to atone for the destruction they caused,” Kathryn told the Admirals without hesitation.  
  
“And _did_ they atone?” Admiral Dran asked in a rather stony voice.  
  
Kathryn hesitated, “that’s a difficult question to answer,” she began. “They certainly worked for it,” she advocated.  
  
“That was not the question, Captain,” Dran snapped. The Tellarite leaned forward in his chair  
  
Kathryn hung her head, “no, they didn’t. I don’t think there’s a way to atone for what happened on the Equinox,” she replied. Despite her dejected tone there was a muttering through the room. Chakotay had to wonder just how many of those former crew members were here now.  
  
After the room seemed to settle a bit, Hayes cleared his throat, “alright, on to the next incident, the Vaadwaur,” he began.  
  
_That was hardly Kathryn’s fault!_  
  
“You awoke a dangerous and technologically advanced species. Why were safety protocols not observed on this mission?” The Admiral asked again.  
  
Chakotay shook his head; this was beginning to sound eerily like a witch hunt. He couldn’t help but wonder what else they’d blamed her for.

*****

Phoebe waited for Sekaya and her friend Sveta to arrive, she was desperately happy for the reprieve from her mother. The woman was a godsend at times, but at others the quietly disapproving frown and the, ‘are you sure you want to eat _more_ , Phoebe,’ comments got _quite_ old.  
  
Sekaya and Sveta both ran through a report of Chakotay’s anxiety and constant impatient questions like, ‘why aren’t we there yet,’ after two days, and, ‘why’d you let me leave!’ after three. He had frustrated the pair no end by the time they reached Earth and they desperately hoped Katie would take him off their hands – at least for a day or two.  
  
When he hadn’t been badgering them he’d apparently paced his quarters to a carpet wearing extreme, literally if Sveta’s grumbling was any indication. Despite the fact that they’d found him irritating, it was nice to know that he had some anxiety about Katie’s predicament.  
  
Phoebe invited them to a coffee shop down the row for brunch and though Sveta needed to leave, Sekaya was delighted for the opportunity to relax. Not that it halted their discussion of course.  
  
“So, what did he say when he saw you?’ Sekaya asked, placing her long maroon coat over the back of the chair.  
  
“Ow,” Phoebe replied with a smirk.  
  
Sekaya chuckled as she took her seat and began to browse the menu. Phoebe knew her options so she leaned back waiting for her friend to choose.  
  
“Mostly he just babbled about Katie, asking where she was, blah, blah, you know,” she poured water from the complimentary bottle for them both. “How was Trebus?” she asked deciding to change the subject.  
  
Sekaya smiled, “happy, sad, it reminds me so much of my family, but the rebuild is amazing,” she positively beamed. “It’s a wonderful project,” she added, returning her attention to the menu, “have you tried the lentil burger?”  
  
Phoebe blinked, “nope, their food’s pretty good though,” she answered with a smile, “the coffee here is _amazing._ ”  
  
Sekaya frowned distastefully, “I’m not much of a coffee drinker,” she replied.  
  
“Well, we can’t all be perfect,” Phoebe joked.  
  
A young, dark haired man arrived at the table ready to take their order. Phoebe knew him from previous visits though she couldn’t recall his name.  
  
Sekaya took the cue and ordered the lentil burger first, along with some berry tea that sounded far too sweet to be enjoyable.  
  
“Why not,” Phoebe said decisively, “I’ll get the lentil burger as well and the -”  
  
“Tamrikan blend?” he interrupted with a smile, “it’s already brewing,” he grinned.  
  
“Oh! I come here way too often!” Phoebe gushed.  
  
“Not at all!” he replied, “your orders will be ready shortly, ladies,” the waiter tapped his PADD as he walked away.  
  
“Aw! Ladies! I need to give him a big tip,” she told her friend brightly.  
  
Sekaya snorted a laugh, “a tip? He’s in the Academy, you don’t need to tip him,” she chuckled.  
  
“What, how do you know?” Phoebe asked curiously, wondering whether she was one of those weird hyper observant people she’d heard about. She glanced over the boy and apart from the fact that he must be younger than she’d originally thought she saw none of the presence exuded by her father or Katie, and no other hints that he might be a cadet.  
  
The major benefit of Starfleet life was free – everything, board, replicator energy, transport – hell they even shelled for your entertainment. Anything more needed to be paid for as per usual, but the stipend awarded to Starfleet officers meant this was seldom an issue. Idly Phoebe wondered what Katie’s back pay was going to look like.  
  
“I’ve seen him on campus, now and then,” Sekaya replied squinting in his direction.  
  
“Oh, right,” it hadn’t occurred to Phoebe that Sekaya might frequent the Academy but the grounds held more than just the college. “The cheeky -” she began with a sly look in his direction, “I’ve tipped him a half dozen times before,” she began, “and _that_ kind of cheek deserves rewarding! An extra big tip,” she said, “he can save it for when he gets dishonourably discharged for hitting on the wrong Ambassador’s daughter.”  
  
Sekaya snorted and glanced at the waiter, “I can actually see that happening,” she agreed.  
  
Phoebe huffed at the thought of a dishonourable discharge, would Katie have to go through that? Phoebe hoped not, she still believed this was a publicity thing, Starfleet _loved_ to be the centre of attention. During the war there had been a constant feed of updated information, not just about the battles, they had life stories about the officers and ships. Since the end of the war the war-weary Federation News Network had basically set them aside, wanting to focus on anything and everything else. Voyager’s return must have been a _godsend_ for the Admiralty – until the crew refused to talk to the press.  
  
“I was thinking; I want to get Katie’s mind off all this ridiculous court-martial business so I’m going to take her out tonight. Would you and your friend Sveta like to join?” Phoebe asked sipping her own water. “The more the merrier and it might help her having other people to talk to. I think she’s sick of me by now.”  
  
“I haven’t been out in a rather long time. I would love to go – I’d _really_ love to get away from Chakotay,” Sekaya responded brightly, “Sveta would probably say yes, she’d definitely say yes if we could drag B’Elanna along,” she added.  
  
“I think I can manage it, if we need to, we can just kidnap her,” she stated in an offhand manner.  
  
“Sounds reasonable,” Sekaya said with a nod.  
  
“I guess before we see them we need to start planning,” Phoebe suggested.  
  
Sekaya leaned forward, “I am all ears.”  
  
The waiter returned with their drinks and flashed a charming smile as he placed them on the table. Sekaya took a sip of hers instantly and gave it a pleased smile.  
  
“I told you this place was good,” Phoebe told her.  
  
Sekaya nodded, “yes, very good.”  
  
Phoebe and Sekaya formed part two of their plan. They needed each other’s assistance to make certain they had every detail would be perfect and on point.  
  
“This plan is flawless, we’re geniuses,” Phoebe told Sekaya as their meals were placed in front of them.  
  
“You know what; I think you might be right,” Sekaya agreed, taking a starved look at her burger.  
  
“If we were on that ship, Voyager would have been home decades ago,” Phoebe added as she began to cut her own giant burger in half.  
  
Sekaya gave her a confused frown, “Voyager wasn’t out there for decades,” she commented.  
  
“Right, well, we’d have gone through that mini wormhole thingy.”  
  
After their lunch Phoebe and Sekaya spent the rest of the afternoon walking around as they waited for the hearing to end. They made it to the steps of Starfleet Headquarters just in time to see Katie storming down, followed closely by a couple of members of her crew. Sekaya’s brother, disappointingly, was nowhere to be seen.  
  
“Those were my mistakes, why do they wish to hold you responsible?” the young blonde woman they’d seen in the reception a few weeks ago asked sounding rather more than angry. They now knew this woman to be Seven of Nine and Phoebe gained a sudden urge to be somewhere else.  
  
“It’s a load of targ crap, they’re being ridiculous!” B’Elanna added next with a rather vicious snarl. “I mean, you saved half the Delta Quadrant from losing warp capabilities and all they could focus on was you telling the crew, _fu-_ ”  
  
“B’Elanna!” Tom snapped, cradling Miral close to his chest.  
  
“Sorry!” B’Elanna growled sounding _anything_ but.  
  
Katie’s serene public mask seemed to be slipping. When she met Phoebe and Sekaya at the bottom of the stairs she raised her chin and her brow almost as though questioning why they were there.  
  
“So, how’d it go?’ Phoebe asked in an attempt to lighten the mood. Katie, B’Elanna and Seven all glowered at her so she flicked her eyes to Tom who frowned and shook his head.  
  
“Good, then,” Phoebe said feeling more than a little awkward. “I’ve got a great plan, let’s get your mind off this, why don’t us ladies,” she glanced at Tom who cuddled Miral tight, “sorry Tom,” he shrugged. “Why don’t we go out on the town?”  
  
Katie sighed, “not tonight, Phoebe, please?” she asked.  
  
Seven of all people glanced at her Captain, “I believe you could use some relaxation, Captain.”  
  
Katie frowned as Tom piped up, “I agree. You should definitely blow off some steam after that garbage!”  
  
She huffed anxiously glancing around through the dwindling light as though expecting to see someone, “fine, just for a short while. But if anyone takes a holophoto of me, I’m going home,” she grumbled.  
  
“Yay!” Phoebe exclaimed, wrapping her arms around her sister, “let’s get drunk!” she added with equal gusto.  
  
Tom sniggered.  
  
B’Elanna frowned, “I can’t drink at the moment, I’m breastfeeding.”  
  
“Well, go pump some into stasis and let’s get partying!” Phoebe told her brightly.  
  
B’Elanna turned scarlet and buried her face in her hands, when she looked up Phoebe noticed Katie mouth ‘I’m sorry,’ to her.  
  
“How about I just – chaperone?” she attempted.  
  
Phoebe glanced at Tom who shrugged again, “fine! I guess.”  
  
Sekaya gave the half-Klingon a small grin. “Sveta’s coming,” she said.  
  
“Sveta! I didn’t get a chance to talk to her at the reception!” B’Elanna said excitedly.  
  
“Alright, to the clubs! Or Bars! Let’s go make some regrets!” Phoebe exclaimed.


	3. Paradise Lost

Kathryn clutched her head feeling positively awful. Vaguely she heard hushed voices somewhere nearby. Visions from the night before slowly floated to the surface of her very drunken, very hazy memory.  
  
Her back ached, not nearly as much as her head, but she wondered whether she’d fallen asleep on the floor, _or on the street!_  
  
Her eyes flicked open and were assaulted by the brightest lights she’d ever seen. She squinted against them trying to make sense of the images and shapes as they coalesced. She was not home. Her eyes fell on the force field generator and then the lightly humming blue field it emitted, about five feet away. She stared at it in horror – she was in a Starfleet Security cell!  
  
_God, the hum of that force field was loud – how had she never noticed that before?_  
  
As her vision returned she glanced around her cell and noticed her damn sister sitting on the floor by the blue shimmering field. Upon the bunk, across the other side of the room, lay a motionless B’Elanna.  
  
Across the other side of the room, another cell held the others in their party, Sekaya and Sveta sat chatting on a cot and Seven clutched her head with a rather pale expression on the other side.  
  
Kathryn sat up holding her head gingerly.  
  
Phoebe whipped around with a ridiculous grin, “I told you it’d be fun,” she hissed.  
  
B’Elanna rolled and pulled a pillow over her head, intent on either blocking out the sound and light or smothering herself – or maybe both.  
  
Kathryn, for one, wanted to smother her sister.  
  
Sekaya and Sveta both glanced in their direction and Chakotay’s sister gave an amused snort.  
  
Seven’s brow rose, she appeared more than a little distressed, “your definition of _fun_ appears to require some re-evaluation,” she spoke testily. She sounded and looked more than a little raw and Kathryn had to feel sorry for her.  
  
Shaking her head, Kathryn attempted to clear her vision and draw on memories from the night before. _How the hell had they ended up in prison?_ Oh, no, _she knew how, her_ ridiculous _excuse for a sister!_

 _A blurred image of the night before whispered past her mind. She remembered a shot of something that had been on fire and a vague recollection that B’Elanna had gone home to do as Phoebe suggested before they went out._

The chief engineer would no doubt regret that decision now.  
  
“You’re trouble, Phoebe Janeway,” B’Elanna’s muffled voice spoke from beneath the pillow. There was far too much amusement in her tone, for Kathryn’s liking.  
  
Sveta snorted, “And I thought I was dangerous, you’re downright _lethal._ ”  
  
Sekaya choked on a laugh.  
  
Phoebe beamed and Kathryn couldn’t help but shake her head, which turned out to be a mistake. She scrubbed her face with her hands forcing down a groan. “I should have stayed home,” she muttered to herself.  
  
“This was my error,” Seven stated, “I will accept whatever punishment they wish to assign,” she added.  
  
Phoebe dived toward the force field with a broad smile on her face, “ _you_ , Seven, are positively _brilliant_!” she exclaimed loud enough that everyone cringed. “You may have saved my sister’s dignity last night,” she added with a laugh.  
  
“I don’t think I have any of that left,” Kathryn commented. The words sent uncomfortable vibrations through her skull and she felt as though she might be sick.  
  
“I do not _feel_ brilliant,” Seven stated woozily.  
  
Kathryn buried her head in her hands and tried to recall more of the previous night.

_She remembered a group of paparazzi hovering outside one of the establishments they had visited. They all held holocameras, but none were raised; instead they yelled scathing and vicious comments at their group.  
  
“How can your crew stand your presence? After all, you trapped them years away from their families!?” A woman bellowed.  
  
“I hear Chakotay couldn’t get far enough away from your frigid command!” A man yelled. That comment had stung.  
  
“The Maquis should be in prison!” someone called.  
  
“The Maquis should have all been killed!” someone else added.  
  
B’Elanna stumbled around, but Kathryn was quick and caught her by the shoulders, meeting her eyes levelly, “not here, they’re – just – trying to get under your skin,” she had slurred.  
  
Sekaya had secured Sveta with a similar move. _

“Where’s the Doctor?” B’Elanna complained.  
  
Kathryn might have echoed her question if she thought she could get away with it. She was certain her brain might leak out of her ears at any moment. The Doctor’s presence would not be unwelcome. That being said anyone would have been welcome at that moment; there weren’t even any guards outside the cells.

_No one had thought to secure Seven who basically stumbled up to the pack looking far from ‘as one’ with the paparazzi as one could be.  
  
“If you take a holoimage of Captain Janeway, she will leave,” the young woman announced in a manner that suggested she thought this might be enough to dissuade them.  
  
The man in front of her snorted derisively and lifted his camera.  
  
Seven raised an eyebrow, “you were warned.”  
  
Before anyone could stop her she plucked the camera from his hand and punched him! _

“Oh god,” Kathryn exclaimed.  
  
“Sounds like someone’s remembering what happened,” Sveta commented with a chuckle.

_In her shock Kathryn had relaxed her grip on the engineer and B’Elanna took advantage of the opening. She darted forward and joined the fray with Seven. Sveta also managed to wriggle free and Kathryn remembered the Russian’s fist colliding rather spectacularly with a man’s jaw._

She threw a hand over her mouth, “a bar fight!” she muttered. She lowered her hand and made the incredibly regrettable decision to stand, “ _a bar fight?_ ” she snapped.  
  
A chuckle rose from her sister, she was joined quickly by Sveta and B’Elanna, then Sekaya. Seven had enough sense not to join in their chuckling, that or she was too hungover.  
  
“Oh my god, I can never show my face in public again,” Kathryn breathed. She sat back down and leaned against the wall, completely stunned.  
  
“To be fair, Captain, you only tried to break it up,” B’Elanna piped in as she sat up. She clutched her head and grimaced.  
  
“Yeah, even when you’re drunk you’re a royal party pooper,” Phoebe laughed.  
  
“Thank you, B’Elanna, that makes me feel so much better,” she said with a sarcastic tone. “And _thank you, very much, Phoebe_ , for dragging me along,” she added bitterly.  
  
“My _absolute pleasure_ ,” her sister responded far too brightly.  
  
The outer doors hissed open admitting a small group of men that Kathryn rather would have liked to avoid for – the rest of her life. She rolled her eyes, thoroughly embarrassed as Tom entered first holding a display with the news title, ‘Voyager Vixens Violent Bar Brawl.’ He was humming enthusiastically as he waved the display in B’Elanna’s direction.  
  
B’Elanna glared at him furiously, but it was rather offset by her pale complexion and deep, nauseated breathing.  
  
The next person in the room mimicked Tom holding a display with a _different_ news story stating, ‘Dangerous Night on the Town for Journalism.’ The man Kathryn assumed was Phoebe’s husband, James, also hummed rather brightly as he parked in front of her young sister.  
  
Kathryn was mortified enough, but when their next visitors entered the room she wanted to throw herself under a blanket. The Doctor cleared his throat rather loudly as he approached her cell and Chakotay wore the most ridiculous excuse for a grin. Kathryn wanted to shove the lot of them out an air lock.  
  
“Well, I think the paparazzi will think twice about messing with the any of you again,” Tom commented. He too did not contain his volume causing Kathryn to cringe. She wanted to vomit – on him. She clutched her head.  
  
“Go away!” B’Elanna grumbled.  
  
“Your daughters are waiting for you,” Phoebe’s husband told her with a hint of amusement. He had not raised his voice; she would try to avoid him if she did retch.  
  
“Oh James!” Phoebe gushed, “you brought my _daughters_ here? You shouldn’t have!” she exclaimed brightly.  
  
“I expected this of Sveta and B’Elanna, but what got into the rest of you?” Chakotay commented. He could not contain the amusement in his tone, though she positively adored how soft his voice was.  
  
“Tequila!” Phoebe exclaimed earning a chuckle from her former first officer and his sister.  
  
Kathryn wasn’t certain she could handle any more embarrassment for today – or the rest of her life for that matter. She’d been thoroughly shamed, and by now there wasn’t a member of her former crew, let alone Starfleet, who didn’t know the news.  
  
“Oh, Captain, they got an excellent holoimage of you!” Tom announced. There was a scuffle to the field as Phoebe, B’Elanna and Chakotay all peeked over Tom’s shoulder. There was a snort and a guffaw.  
  
She hated them all. Tom flicked the image in her direction showing her, hands on hips, mouth open and it looked as though she was lecturing one of the paparazzi – who appeared to be unconscious, on the ground.  
  
She shook her head and rubbed her brow with a grimace.  
  
“Diplomacy will get you everywhere,” Phoebe commented with a wink to Kathryn.  
  
“May I see?” A voice stunned everyone, from the other cell.  
  
Seven stood, trying to see over the shoulders of the group outside.  
  
Tom grinned and turned to show her the image. Both Sveta and Sekaya made their way to the field and she heard a snort of amusement from one of them.  
  
For a moment it appeared as though Chakotay was about to say something, but Phoebe’s husband spoke first, “Oh! Before I forget, my love,” he began, placing a hand on the field, “your mother’s on her way.”  
  
Phoebe drew a dramatic breath and placed her hand over her husband’s, “we’ve had a good life, James! Tell the girls I love them!”  
  
The others laughed, but Kathryn pinched the bridge of her nose. Their mother was going to flay them alive – if they were lucky.  
  
The Doctor cleared his throat again, “well, I have six detoxes for you lucky ladies. Who’s first? He asked. He gave a broad grin.  
  
Someone lowered the force fields and the Doctor began injecting them, starting with Kathryn. Her head began to clear instantly – the shame did not.  
  
She muttered her thanks and was about to say something else when the doors hissed open again, “ _Katie! Phoebe!_ What they _hell_ were you thinking?”  
  
_Welcome home, Kathryn._

*****

Chakotay had about zero ideas what to say in that situation, he’d been close to every woman in those cells with the exception for Kathryn’s sister and to see them in that position had been – alarming, no amusing or maybe shocking in Kathryn’s case. He had it on good authority, though, that she had simply been caught in the cross-fire.  
  
He’d hoped to have an opportunity to clear the air with Kathryn then and there, or at least to see if that was a possibility, but her mother had entered at exactly the wrong time. They’d had a lot of luck with, ‘exactly the wrong time,’ over the years – perhaps it was the universe’s way of telling them to give in?  
  
A couple of days went by and though he attended the next hearing he still didn’t talk to her. She seemed terribly humiliated by the entire affair and he knew that speaking to her now would just push her further away. So, he began to bide his time. It didn’t help that whenever he thought about contacting her he began to feel rather insecure, his mind telling him that his timing was off, or any number of other excuses. Frankly he was a coward and couldn’t bear to confront her – yet.  
  
At the very least the hearings since had been rather more relaxed, perhaps the Admirals felt some shred of pity for Kathryn’s position? Though, more likely, they had discussed all of the gritty topics and were moving on to some of the lighter ‘rule breaking’ that had occurred while Voyager had been in the Delta Quadrant.  
  
He woke on the third day since his return to something strange. The scent of coffee wafted through his apartment and he all but bounded out of bed with the ridiculous belief that perhaps Kathryn had come to visit _him!_  
  
When he was dressed he exited into the apartment’s living room with a smile, which faded quickly when he saw his sister reclined on the couch with a coffee in hand.  
  
“Since when do you drink that?” he asked with a bit more bite than he’d intended.  
  
“Oh, you know, the hectic life of project management drove me to it,” she joked in response.  
  
“Better than Tequila I guess,” he retorted.  
  
She smirked fondly, “no, nothing is better than Tequila,” she laughed.  
  
It impressed and surprised him that she still believed their little ‘tryst’ the other night had been fun. Phoebe Janeway certainly seemed to have had a profound impact on her. In fact, the only person who seemed to have any regrets about that night was Kathryn, and she was the only one who wasn’t being charged.  
  
The Admirals were taking a recess to deliberate on the court-martial so the crew had a reprieve for a few days, while they waited.  
  
“What are your plans for today?” he asked, moving over to the replicator.  
  
“Actually, I was hoping you’d come with me to a market,” she requested, looking up from her reading with a smile.  
  
“You’re not going to try slog any reporters are you?” he joked.  
  
“Hmm, we’ll see,” she responded thoughtfully.  
  
“Toast with raspberry jam and tea, blend thirteen,” he ordered.  
  
The food appeared and Chakotay frowned, the toast was burnt and the tea was the wrong blend. “What the hell,” he griped.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Sekaya asked distractedly.  
  
“I think the replicator’s broken, I might have to get B’Elanna to come around and take a look at it,” he said, frowning at the ruined food. He sipped the tea and groaned; camomile.  
  
“It was working _fine_ ten minutes ago, what did you do to it?” Sekaya asked, holding her mug in the air as an example.  
  
“What? Nothing, I just ordered my food, the toast is burnt and it gave me camomile tea,” he argued.  
  
She sighed and stood, “computer, toast with raspberry jam and tea blend -” she glanced at him, “thirteen?”  
  
He nodded and glanced at the replicator smugly, waiting for the ruined food to appear.  
  
A fresh and perfectly brown slice of toast materialised, as did the correct tea.  
  
“What the hell!” he snapped.  
  
He made a move to take the toast but Sekaya beat him to it taking a bite, “mm, tastes pretty good to me,” she said with a grin and a full mouth.  
  
He huffed and attempted his order again; the computer’s reaction was the same as his first order. “Seriously, what’s wrong with this thing?” he questioned, irritated.  
  
She shrugged, “computer, another slice of toast with raspberry jam,” she stated.  
  
He grumbled under his breath as he snatched the new and perfect piece of toast from the tray, before shoving the old ones back in to recycle them.  
  
“What was that?” she asked with a raised brow.  
  
“I was just comparing this thing to Kathryn’s on Voyager,” he muttered, “she said the thing had it out for her. I thought she was just a lousy cook, but maybe there was some merit to her claim after all.”  
  
Sekaya smiled, “you just need to know how to talk to them,” she said wistfully, before heading back to the couch.  
  
“Apparently,” he grumbled again.  
  
“So, are you going to come with me to the market?” she asked excitedly.  
  
He grinned in spite of the recalcitrant replicator, “where is it?”  
  
“Green Island,” she replied.  
  
He blinked, “as in Green Island, Bolton – on Lake George,” he asked flatly.  
  
She glanced up with a smile, “have you been there? It looks like a lovely place!” she replied.  
  
“Ah – sort of,” he responded. The fond memories of a moonlit sail over the lake years ago with Kathryn on the holodeck, brought a smile to his lips.  
  
“Well, the market opens at ten, so, get a move on,” she ordered.  
  
“Right, of course,” he said, glancing down at his food.  
  
He promptly scoffed it down and smiled through a mouthful, causing Sekaya to grimace, “ugh, you’re gross,” she said. He dodged to the side as a pillow flew past him.

As they left, Sekaya made a lame excuse that she’d forgotten her scarf; after all it was still quite cool. She took the bottle of perfume Phoebe had provided and sprayed a couple of times into the living room and once into Chakotay’s room for good measure.

*****

Kathryn smiled at her youngest niece, Grace, five, who stared at her as though she had horns. The girl and her mother had made cupcakes for the family to enjoy, but the girl seemed remarkably possessive of them.  
  
Kathryn sat at one of the stools lining the kitchen bench watching her beautiful, if sulky niece.  
  
“Why don’t you give your Aunt Katie one of those cupcakes?” Phoebe asked politely.  
  
Grace’s expression clouded into a grumpy frown as she picked up a cake.  
  
Kathryn held her hand out ready to take it, but her niece had other ideas, she threw the cupcake at Kathryn. It landed with a splat on her blouse and Phoebe snorted a laugh.  
  
“Good girl,” she said while chuckling. “Why don’t you go tell grandma what you did?” she added.  
  
Kathryn smirked as she grabbed a towel off the bench and wiped her front. “And here I was beginning to feel maudlin that I’ll probably never have one of those.”  
  
“A cupcake? There are plenty more, Katie, gees,” Phoebe said, grabbing another one and taking a bite.  
  
Kathryn shook her head, “you really are obtuse you know,” she told her sister.  
  
“What; like a triangle?” Phoebe asked with a remarkably straight face.  
  
Kathryn bent down to pick up the errant cupcake before leaning forward and splattering it, icing first into her sister’s cheek.  
  
Phoebe laughed. If there was one thing you could say for Phoebe Janeway it was that she took as good as she gave. She snatched the towel Kathryn had been using and wiped the icing away with a grimace.  
  
James entered with their eldest daughter in toe, six year old Katie skipped beside her father. Kathryn had almost broken down when Phoebe had told her Katie’s name. Voyager had still been in the Delta Quadrant and the gesture had touched her beyond words.  
  
Katie seemed significantly more subdued than her younger sister and considerably more polite. Kathryn couldn’t help draw the correlation between herself and Phoebe. She wondered whether this might be a family trait.  
  
James turned to the girl, “why don’t you go and see if you can help grandma in the garden,” he told her. She beamed and ran to do as she was asked. Ok, if she could have children, she’d want one just like Katie – with a different name of course.  
  
“So, Katie, are you going to Venice with Phoebe today?” James asked.  
  
Kathryn blinked and gave her sister a questioning look, “Venice?” she asked.  
  
“Oh, there’s an exhibit of old Earth art,” Phoebe began, “Sekaya was talking about it the other day, she and Sveta visited, it sounds _amazing_ ,” she spoke. She grabbed a cupcake and forced it into James’ hand.  
  
Kathryn had a sneaking suspicion she was being played, she wondered whether Sekaya and a certain former first officer would happen to be there today. She cleared her throat and shifted uncomfortably, “I don’t know if I want to go out in public _quite_ yet,” she objected. She really wasn’t ready to face the world and she _certainly_ wasn’t ready to face Chakotay – though it wouldn’t kill him to call… would it?  
  
“Oh, come on! Sekaya loved it!” Phoebe advocated.  
  
Kathryn sighed, “did you have to befriend _his sister?_ ” She couldn’t be angry with Sekaya, really, she was a lovely woman and honestly they got along famously – but _Chakotay’s sister?_  
  
“Sekaya’s wonderful, besides, aren’t you madly in love with him?” Phoebe countered in her no holds barred manner.  
  
Kathryn responded with her best glare which Phoebe promptly shrugged off, “mom’s death glare is better,” she commented. “And don’t be mean to Sekaya, she’s awesome, I wish we’d met earlier,” Phoebe defended her friend.  
  
“Such a pity you’re already married,” Kathryn gave James a fond smile and he grunted amusedly in return.  
  
“I know, right!” Phoebe exclaimed.  
  
“Hey!” James objected with mock hurt.  
  
“Come on, you’ve met her!” Phoebe flicked a dismissive hand in his direction.  
  
“She _is_ gorgeous,” James agreed with a completely straight face – suddenly they made so much sense together.  
  
Phoebe swatted his arm with an indignant gasp, “Back off buster! She’s _mine!_ ”  
  
James laughed, “I doubt I could compete, to be honest,” he said with a regretful sigh.  
  
“That’s right, and don’t you forget it!” Phoebe replied proudly.  
  
Kathryn shook her head at their exchange.  
  
“So, are you coming Katie? Please! Please, please, _please!_ ” Phoebe begged, clasping her hands together, she pouted rather pathetically.  
  
Kathryn drew a deep breath, “fine! But I swear to god, Phoebe, if we end up at Starfleet Security again, I’ll phaser you!”  
  
Phoebe laughed and threw her arms around Kathryn squeezing her tight.  
  
“Ok,” Kathryn grumbled. She pushed herself off the stool in the hope that it would loosen her sister’s grip – she was wrong. With a sigh she moved over to the couch, with Phoebe clutching tightly as she moved, kicking her shins, probably intentionally.  
  
As children this had been one of their ridiculous ‘games’ and Kathryn was more than happy to play along now. She stepped on Phoebe’s foot and took a seat, bowling her sister over uncomfortably.  
  
“Argh!” Phoebe cried out as she fell on top of Kathryn. “Well, Katie, you win this round,” she grouched, before pushing herself up. “I’m going to go get ready to see some art,” she added in a faux haughty manner, before heading toward the stairs.  
  
James grinned in Kathryn’s direction after his wife had disappeared. “So _that’s_ how you do it!” he marvelled, obviously having been on the receiving end of Phoebe’s stellar hugs before.  
  
“Just make sure you teach your daughters,” Kathryn responded with a sly grin. She stood back up, “I guess, if I’m going to Venice I should also get ready,” she said with a smile for her brother in law.  
  
She headed up the stairs to the second bathroom to shower and change, and somehow managed to finish minutes before her sister.  
  
Her mother came back inside and Kathryn spent an impatient and uncomfortable few minutes in the lounge room waiting for her damn sister.  
  
Gretchen Janeway truly had no idea how difficult she’d made life for Kathryn, by getting the crew admitted to the hearings. She’d held back defence comments, not wishing for her crew to hear what she had to say. Thankfully though, she’d been able to secure her deal with the Admiralty _before_ the crew were allowed in the hall. She had no doubt they would give her considerable grief for that.  
  
Her mother had also made a rather poor entrance at Starfleet Security. She’d hoped to avoid that in front of her crew, especially Chakotay. She felt thoroughly ashamed by the events of that night and to have Gretchen Janeway burst into the cells to admonish her had been the mortification icing on top of the humiliation cake.  
  
So she had been brusque at best with her mother. She _knew_ she needed to get over it, of course, but she couldn’t help the anger.  
  
“Well, James, your daughter’s tomato plants as not going to make it, I’m afraid,” her mother stated, pulling off her gloves and beany. “It’s too cold this winter,” she added with a tsk. Her mother gave her a head to toe appraisal, “are you going out, my dear?” she asked.  
  
“Yes, Phoebe and I are going to Venice,” she replied, glancing at the stairs. _Come on, Phoebe._  
  
“ _Venice_ , hmm?” she gave a questioning look, “what’s in Venice?”  
  
“Some art show,” Kathryn responded trying to sound at least civil.  
  
“Well, you girls have fun,” Gretchen said with a nod. She frowned slightly though, before busying herself, removing her jacket.  
  
The door upstairs opened and Phoebe danced her way down the stairs singing, “sisters are doin’ it for themselves!” she was considerably off-key, but Kathryn smirked anyway. “Let’s go see some art!”  
  
“You know, bad things happen when you use that tone,” Kathryn told her as they met at the bottom of the stairs.  
  
They walked out the door and headed into the icy snow, toward the transporter station in town. They were only about a fifteen minute walk away and Kathryn felt the walk might do them some good. She immediately regretted the decision when her nose began to run and she lost the feeling in her ears.  
  
Phoebe appeared nonplussed, that being said Phoebe often appeared nonplussed.  
  
They walked in a comfortable silence, which gave Kathryn the time to concentrate on staying warm. She pulled her hood down and shoved her gloved hands in her pockets.  
  
The snow made them rather slower than expected and they didn’t reach the station for twenty minutes. Her little sister appeared to be struggling, ever so slightly.  
  
Giving their co-ordinates to the transporter chief, they were transported to a small plaza in Venice with coffee shops bordering to the left and right. The exhibition centre lay in front of them and the sounds of lapping water all around.  
  
Kathryn glanced around marvelling at the area before her eyes fell on a sign posted out the front of the gallery, ‘Native American Art Exhibition.’  
  
She rolled her eyes, _very subtle_ , “ancient Earth, huh?” she asked sardonically.  
  
“It’s ancient and from Earth,” Phoebe gave a hesitant response. “Look, Sekaya said it was amazing, and – I’m an artist so – you know, I should look – at – art,” she trailed off a little awkwardly, and Kathryn shook her head.  
  
“Lead the way,” she said, motioning toward the building with a stretched arm.  
  
Phoebe grinned broadly and looped her arm through Kathryn’s in an eerily familiar display.  
  
Kathryn knew exactly what Phoebe was doing and as much as she _hated_ being manipulated, her damn plan was working. Chakotay’s face kept popping into her mind. She wanted to kick her sister, she _wasn’t even subtle!_ It galled Kathryn that this pathetic effort was actually having its desired effect.  
  
They entered the building and began to look at the displays. In the first room there were some garish ‘recreations’ of ancient Native American art that might have had Chakotay spitting chips if he saw them. Suddenly she wasn’t so convinced that Sekaya had been here at all; which probably meant they were going to run into her, and of course, Chakotay, sometime during the day.  
  
Phoebe appeared about as convinced by the first room’s holdings as Kathryn did, though she wore quite a charming grin and dragged Kathryn to the next room.  
  
Admittedly this seemed much better; there were items from the era that appeared to be either very good fakes or the genuine article. Plates, pots, urns and musical instruments lined the halls with some mannequins around displaying how to use some of the items. Most of the objects had been decorated with cattle, native animal and flowers, in earthy toned paints.  
  
The display involved a group of people playing music together.  
  
Many of the exhibitions did not quite live up to expectation and the entire time they wandered around Kathryn kept expecting Sekaya and Chakotay to jump out at them. They entered the third room and Kathryn saw a display of people sitting around a fire drinking from a bowl. The plaque described ‘Animal Spirit Guides.’  
  
The description detailed the Native American’s desire to communicate with the life of the world. The deeply spiritual journey was usually shared between close members of a tribe, family, close friends and lovers.  
  
She studied the totems around the room detailing what each spirit guide represented, and she read the plaques associated with each. There was an entire section on reptiles and she smiled as she found gecko. They were adept at escaping situations and following their instincts. She tried not to frown as she read the next part, ‘practiced at detaching from difficult situations.’ Well, she’d certainly done that a number of times.  
  
“These do not describe character traits,” a man’s voice spoke from behind her.  
  
She jumped and faced one of the exhibit staff who had obviously noticed her reaction.  
  
“They are merely a representation of what your guide provides,” he added.  
  
She smiled politely not quite sure how to respond.  
  
“I assume it was your commander on Voyager who introduced you?” he asked.  
  
Kathryn cleared her throat to cover her surprise, “you recognise me?” she asked dejectedly.  
  
He laughed, “You’re as popular as the exhibits,” he told her.  
  
Her eyes flicked around and she noticed that people were indeed staring at her and whispering to each other. She felt a desperate need to be elsewhere.  
  
“Your commander?” he prompted.  
  
“Ah, yes, Commander Chakotay introduced me,” she muttered, pulling her hair to border her face.  
  
He chuckled at her reaction, “I doubt that’s going to help you much,” the guide said with a grin. He considered her for a moment, “he must have cared for you greatly,” he added after a moment.  
  
Kathryn gritted her teeth, ‘cared’ being the operative word. “Yes, I suppose he _did_ ,” she answered quietly. She wanted to blame Phoebe for this, but she’d never told her about the introduction to her spirit guide. Maybe B’Elanna had? She’d have to have words with B’Elanna.  
  
She spent the rest of their time trying to avoid being noticed and thinking about Chakotay. Damn Phoebe! Damn her to hell! She had no right to interfere in Kathryn’s life like this.  
  
By the time they were trudging back to their mother’s home, in Indiana, she had become quite distracted by thoughts of her friend. She wanted to bridge the gap, but she didn’t know how anymore. If it weren’t for his _damn_ liaison with Seven it might have been easy. She’d have said something along the lines of ‘hey, remember that unspoken promise we made to each other all those years ago? Let’s go be happy together.’  
  
Kathryn’s cranky attitude obviously got through to Phoebe and she frowned at her, “where’s the fun loving woman who would have laughed when she woke in that cell with me?” she asked, suddenly.  
  
“Phoebe, I’m going through court-martial proceedings, I can’t afford to add anything to the list Starfleet’s -”  
  
“You don’t really care about Starfleet,” her sister interrupted.  
  
“You’re kidding me, aren’t you? Starfleet is my _life_ , Phoebe,” Kathryn argued hotly. She stalked ahead making Phoebe have to run a little to catch up.  
  
“It didn’t used to be,” Phoebe countered.  
  
Kathryn shook her head, “it always has been.”  
  
“You’re forgetting, Katie, I know your _dirty little secret_ ,” Phoebe said conspiratorially.  
  
“What are you talking about?” Kathryn growled.  
  
“The gift you were going to get for Mark, your _wedding gift_ ,” Phoebe gave a small playful wink.  
  
Kathryn stopped dead, suddenly remembering what she’d pushed to the back of her mind so long ago. She was going to resign from Starfleet for him. That had been a long time ago, when Kathryn had thought a love life and children weren’t beyond possibility.  
  
“That may be the case but I’m hardly marrying Mark anymore, and I have a hundred and fifty people’s lives that I need to consider,” she griped continuing to walk on.  
  
Phoebe stared at her sideways, clearly unimpressed, “I know you well, Katie. I heard what B’Elanna and Seven were talking about when you exited the hearing the other day. Have you done what I think you have? For them?” Her sister asked meaningfully.  
  
Kathryn gritted her teeth and avoided her sister’s gaze; she was as bad as Chakotay!  
  
“Well, I guess we both know _they’re_ in no danger of criminal proceedings.” Phoebe huffed.  
  
They walked in silence for a short way, the cool breeze picking up as though punctuating her sister’s point.  
  
“You do know me well,” Kathryn admitted with irritation, “please don’t let any of them know about it – they can be rather a pain in – these situations,” she begged.  
  
Phoebe shook her head, irritated, “fine,” she griped. She sighed outwardly, twice and Kathryn glared at her.  
  
“What?”  
  
“It’s just that, you’ve returned home with a lot more baggage than you left with – Chakotay, for instance,” she muttered.  
  
“That’s a suitcase I don’t want to open, Phoebe,” Kathryn played on her sister’s metaphor.  
  
Phoebe gave a half-hearted laugh, “bullshit, Katie, you want to open that suitcase more than _anything_ in the world!” she shook her head, and her smile dulled. “You know, though, if you martyr yourself and go to prison, that suitcase is going to get wrinkly and a whole lot less handsome,” she commented.  
  
Kathryn shoved her sister in the arm playfully, “in case you’ve forgotten that suitcase has an attached - tote bag,” she reminded her sister.  
  
Phoebe laughed at that, “tote bag!” she exclaimed. She drew a calming breath and smiled conspiratorially, “not anymore, they were unceremoniously – unclasped – during the reception when you arrived. I thought I told you that, a week or so ago.”  
  
“Seven never said anything,” Kathryn grumbled with a frown.  
  
“You mean the tote bag?”  
  
Kathryn snorted before she could stop herself. _Clutch! She should have called her a clutch!_  
  
“Why would she? After one night out with her it’s clear that she has very little grasp of, you know, how people tick. I doubt she really understood what was going on between you and the suitcase.”  
  
“Would you stop calling him a suitcase?” Kathryn snapped  
  
“You started it!” Phoebe responded indignantly. “Katie, just think about it,”  
  
“I have thought about it, it’s been too long, Phoebe.” Kathryn explained sadly.  
  
Phoebe gave a frustrated growl, “you’re stupid!” she threw her arms in the, air in frustration.  
  
Kathryn gave her sister an affronted glare, “and you’re annoying,” she responded hotly.  
  
They both trudged on in quiet again for some time.  
  
They were no more than a couple of minutes to the house when Kathryn did something incredibly stupid; she kicked a snow pile. Her foot collided with something hard and rather unmoveable and as she fell over clutching her leg in serious pain. Phoebe doubled over laughing.  
  
“ _Oh god_ , why did I do that!” she cried painfully.  
  
Phoebe’s guffawed, clutching her stomach, trying to breathe.  
  
“Come on, Phoebe, this isn’t funny,” despite the pain phoebe’s chortling was catching on and Kathryn began to laugh as she spoke. “I think I broke my toe!” she added, this time in complete hysterics.  
  
Phoebe fell onto her knees, “that – was the stupidest thing,” she could hardly catch her breath she was laughing so hard, “I’ve ever seen!” She wiped away a tear.  
  
“Help me up!” Kathryn growled.  
  
Phoebe crawled to her side and leaned on her shoulder for support.  
  
“I said _help me up_ ,” Kathryn moaned.  
  
“I can’t!” Phoebe laughed.  
  
Frustrated with her sister’s irritating behaviour, Kathryn grasped a bunch of snow in her glove and tossed it at Phoebe. The slush landed on the side of Phoebe’s neck causing her to squeal in a rather undignified manner.  
  
“Oh, it is _on!_ ” Phoebe snarled, grasping two handfuls of snow and tossing them at Kathryn.  
  
She deflected the brunt of the blast with her arms and made a move to grab more when she saw a man in a Starfleet Admiral’s uniform walking down the road toward them.  
  
Phoebe noticed her distraction and lowered the hand she’d wound up, ready to toss her next volley. “Welp! That’s my cue!” she shoved Kathryn back into the snow and headed up toward the house.  
  
Kathryn glowered after her sister, all too aware the damn woman wouldn’t look back. Phoebe Janeway was a _child_.  
  
She sat up again and pushed herself to her feet awaiting whoever it – it was Admiral Simons.  
  
Her jocularity took a nose dive and she stood to parade as he approached.  
  
“Captain Janeway,” he greeted her, when he was close enough.  
  
“Admiral,” she responded with as much respect as she could muster.  
  
He fell in beside her and she made her best effort to appear uninjured as they continued on toward her house. “What can I do for you, Admiral?” she asked politely.  
  
“May I be frank with you, Captain?” he asked.  
  
“You can be anybody you want, sir,” she answered automatically. She snapped her mouth shut too late.  
  
The Admiral’s eyebrow rose and she gave him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry sir, it’s my sister, she – rubs off on you, after a while,” she said sincerely.  
  
He nodded his acceptance, “yes, I’ve seen the news report,” his expression was firmly neutral, but she could _swear_ she heard a glimmer of amusement in his tone.  
  
Kathryn cleared her throat trying to avoid turning any shade of red.  
  
They continued in silence for a moment and he paused at the gate, which irritated her. She wanted nothing more than to run inside, grab a coffee and take up one of the bathrooms for about – thirty years.  
  
“Captain, I want to lay it out straight,” he began. “There _will_ be charges laid against you, when the Board reconvenes,” he said.  
  
Kathryn swallowed past the large lump that formed in her throat, “but they’ll hold to our agreement, won’t they?” she asked softly.  
  
“Of course, Captain, but you need to consider your options carefully.”  
  
“The media?” she snapped.  
  
He nodded, “Captain, Starfleet needs publicity, if you’d be willing to give an exposé with the FNN -”  
  
“I told you, I’m not -” She attempted to interrupt him, but he spoke over the top of her.  
  
“If you don’t want to do it then get your crew to, you _aren’t_ going to win this!”  
  
“This is Blackmail!” she snarled.  
  
“Look, I’m as happy about this as you are -”  
  
She scoffed, “I doubt that,” she couldn’t believe the gall of them. Publicity! Suddenly the lighter air in the last few days of the hearing made sense, “they went easy on me because of the bar fight, didn’t they?”  
  
He gave a guilty frown and she shook her head.  
  
“Since when does _Starfleet_ give a _damn_ about publicity?” she growled throwing her hands in the air.  
  
“Since the Dominion war; recruitment has gone down forty percent,” he explained.  
  
Kathryn stared at him flatly.  
  
“Voyager captured the attention of the Federation, but the lustre was short lived – thanks in part to you and your crew’s reluctance to participate in interviews,” he told her.  
  
“What would I say? Remember most of our journey has been classified!” she snapped shortly.  
  
“Look, honestly, the people aren’t interested in _Captain_ Janeway, they’re interested in _Kathryn_ Janeway,” he hinted.  
  
With a small sigh she shook her head.  
  
“They’re interested in you, who you couldn’t stand, who your friends were,” he said before adding tentatively, “Who your _lovers_ were?”  
  
She stared at him almost aghast; “you think I had _lovers?_ ”  
  
“Well, Starfleet _assumed_ you would – I mean – no one expected you to remain celibate that long,” he said with a small laugh, before noticing her reaction.  
  
She must have looked somewhere between lost, angry, ill and disappointed – that’s how she felt at least. She wanted to say something, to debunk his ridiculous idea, but all she could think was that Starfleet wouldn’t have minded. She wanted to kick herself – no, she wanted to kick _him_.  
  
“I will not do your ridiculous interview, and neither will my crew,” she growled. She didn’t wait for him to respond before marching up the snow covered driveway toward the house.  
  
“It might be too late when they charge you officially!” he shouted as she withdrew.  
  
Damn him, damn Starfleet, damn the Federation! Her foot hurt, her head hurt and her heart hurt. 

*****

Chakotay ran his hand over the smooth edge of the desk with a smile. Since he’d had little else to do he had begun to make some furniture for Sekaya, she had suggested it as a way to keep him busy while she was working.  
  
If he’d told her about his time on New Earth he’d have been suspicious about her reasoning, but she knew nothing of those events. He’d never put that in any of his letters – New Earth was his, and his alone.  
  
His thoughts kept flicking to Kathryn. Sometimes he could swear he could smell her perfume or shampoo. His thoughts constantly moved to her command presence, her coffee addiction and her damn replicator.  
  
A number of times he attempted to call her, after all she was probably almost as bored as he was, while they waited for the results of the hearing. Each time he tried though his imagination ran away, he saw her telling him that he was no longer part of her life. His gut clenched at the thought and he chickened out each time.  
  
Instead he casually probed B’Elanna, Tom and Harry for information, which they all gave with the roll of their eyes or the shake of their heads.  
  
Apparently she hadn’t been out much since the ‘incident’ and had been horribly embarrassed by the whole affair. Chakotay understood that, Kathryn wasn’t exactly known as a partier and certainly not as a drinker. Her sister obviously had as profound an effect on Kathryn as she did on Sekaya – and B’Elanna – and Seven. That woman was a terrible influence and he was _glad_ she was Kathryn’s sister. If nothing else she brought out Kathryn’s fun side, and she needed that.  
  
He turned his attention from the desk to the other piece he had been working on the past couple of days. This one he’d hidden from Sekaya – she’d think him a fool if she saw it, but he couldn’t help himself. He’d been so touched by the monument on Trebus that he was borrowing the idea for something similar. His creation worked along a similar theme and one day he hoped to give it to Kathryn – hopefully once she was cleared of all charges. It was a platonic gesture, he told himself, just like all their platonic gestures over the years; the flowers in the ready room, the roses when she was injured, their holodeck time, meals together and much more.  
  
He paused at that thought ready to berate himself again, for the thousandth time. How could he have abandoned her? How could he have said yes to Seven? What the hell had he been thinking?  
  
Breathing a frustrated sigh he picked up the newest work by the stem and examined the petals closely.  
  
He almost dropped the carving when the comm chimed from inside the house. He placed the flower back and hid the collection, dashing into the house to answer.  
  
Admiral Patterson’s face appeared on the screen and Chakotay stood reflexively to attention, “Admiral,” he greeted the man.  
  
“Commander,” he answered, “the Board have returned,” he added quickly. It had been five days since the hearings had finished and Chakotay had mixed feelings about their quick return, relatively speaking.  
  
Chakotay gave a small sigh, “I’ll be there in a few minutes,” he said almost jumping toward his uniform jacket which sat by the door. He’d taken the habit of dressing in uniform to be ready for their return. “Thank you, Admiral!” he shouted over his shoulder as he ran from the room.

*****

Almost a week had passed since the end of the hearings and Kathryn had spent a good deal of that time pacing back and forth in her childhood room waiting to hear anything. She’d received a few visitors in the time who’d expressed their support. B’Elanna and Tom had become somewhat a permanent fixture in her life, they commonly had her over for dinners – and to her surprise they also invited Seven on occasion. As it turned out B’Elanna’s respect for the young woman had grown considerably since their night out and with Seven’s emotions uninhibited they’d become something resembling friends.  
  
Chakotay had remained silent over the week, she thought of him often though, thanks to Phoebe’s hopelessly unsubtle manipulation. Her sister had begun tugging her ear whenever she thought about something for more than a second. Her new favourite drink was some herbal tea that smelled awfully familiar and she’d begun cooking recipes that seemed suspiciously like the ones Chakotay had prepared often on Voyager.  
  
She tried to ignore the hints, but she could scarcely get him out of her mind some days. Eventually she found herself avoiding her sister all together. She and her family would have to head back to their own home sooner or later, wouldn’t they?  
  
“Katie!” a voice called from downstairs.  
  
Kathryn stopped her pacing and drew a deep calming breath, they must be back.  
  
She attempted to control her anxiety, flicking her hands out while she walked down the stairs out of line of sight from her family. The damn things shook uncontrollably as she made her way down to the lounge room.  
  
Her mother, who stood by the comm panel, gave her a measured look before nodding toward it.  
  
Kathryn approached to see Admiral T’Mira’s face, “Admiral,” she greeted the woman. Her voice sounded rather more nervous than she would have liked.  
  
“Captain Janeway, the Board have returned, please report to Starfleet headquarters for official indictment,” she said.  
  
Kathryn wondered what might happen if she said no, but immediately dismissed the idea, “I’m on my way,” she agreed.  
  
The Admiral nodded and then signed off without so much, as a farewell.  
  
She stared at the blank screen for a short time and felt a seething pit of anxiety rising within herself. They hadn’t taken long at all, what did that mean? Her stomach turned and she swallowed back the bile creeping up her throat.  
  
“Katie, come on, you need to move,” Gretchen snapped at her.  
  
Kathryn faced her mother with a flat stare, or she _thought_ it was a flat stare. Her mother’s face fell immediately and she pulled Kathryn into a tight hug, “no matter what happens, you’re going to be ok,” her mother reassured her.  
  
She nodded, in spite of the knowledge that things would very likely be far from ‘ok’.  
  
“Now, come on Katie, Janeway’s don’t run from anything,” her mother added, patting her on the back.  
  
They readied quickly and headed to the transport station. News must have come out, there were cameras waiting at the station and journalists attempting to claw statements from her, or her mother. They pushed past and took the transport directly to headquarters.  
  
More journalists were already positioned inside the building trying to get statements from crew members who brushed them off angrily. They all turned their attention to her as soon as she stepped off the pad and she had to force her way through the throng, assisted by Starfleet security personnel.  
  
She caught the eyes of a number of crew members as she passed by, all of whom stood to attention at her gaze. She gave each of them a genuine smile before bidding her mother farewell, finally entering the hall.  
  
Her senior-staff already sat toward the front, behind where she would sit, and many other crew members lined the hall on the right. To her sincere shock the other half of the hall was beginning to fill with Captains and Admirals, some of whom she didn’t even know. Many however she had called friends at one stage or another. Owen sat near the front with Admiral Patterson and Captain Grayson. She spotted a dozen other notable names among the crowd. The biggest shock however was the man sitting directly behind her seat.  
  
Tuvok’s brow rose as their eyes met and she couldn’t help but grin at him. He stood as she approached and she threw her arms around him unabashedly.  
  
“Captain,” he said, “I hope you are well?”  
  
“I’m fine, Tuvok,” she brushed away the comment, “how are you? I didn’t realise your treatment was finished?” she asked quickly, before moving to take her seat and look back at him.  
  
“It has not, but my family and I left Vulcan when we became aware of the charges being laid against you. I wished to show my support, I regret that I could not have been present earlier.” He stated.  
  
Kathryn gave him a warm smile, “you have a fine excuse, Tuvok,” she told him.  
  
His brow rose again, before he nodded.  
  
She wanted to ask him more questions, but a Lieutenant Commander in gold stood to attention and blew a whistle. The hall quieted and everyone stood as the Board entered again. Admirals Tanis, Hayes, T’Mira, Cowla and Dran piled in, glancing around the hall before taking their seats.  
  
Everyone in the hall followed their example and Kathryn heard the doors to the hall close behind them. She concentrated on maintaining her composure by taking steady breaths. Her eyes flicked to the senior-staff sitting behind her.  
  
Both B’Elanna and Tom had somehow managed to get away without Miral; they must have left her with Tom’s sisters? Seven sat between B’Elanna and the Doctor holding the hologram’s hand! Harry and Chakotay sat on the far end; the young ensign appeared rather angry about the situation. Chakotay’s eyes flicked up at the same moment hers did and he gave her a small comforting smile, which she returned nervously.  
  
“Captain Janeway,” Admiral T’Mira began, “each crime will be listed followed by our decision on deliberation. Some will not be pursued, due to extenuating circumstances.”  
  
“Like all of em’” she heard Tom mutter from her side, she pretended not to notice. B’Elanna smirked, but elbowed him in the side.  
  
“On Stardate 48317.3, for the destruction of the Caretakers array,” T’Mira began. She glanced at Admiral Hayes who cleared his throat.  
  
“Charges to be brought against Captain Janeway for breaking the Prime Directive,” Hayes announced.  
  
There were mutters from the crowd, if anyone was surprised by that charge they were in for a deep shock.  
  
“On Stardate 49692.1, for the death of a sentient being, Tuvix,” T’Mira announced.  
  
Kathryn felt ill, no matter the verdict here she would never reconcile that moment in her own mind.  
  
“No charges pending, Captain Janeway’s actions in this matter have been found to adhere to Starfleet Regulation 2, subsection 16,” Hayes spoke.  
  
She kept her reaction neutral but she wasn’t happy about that decision. She had hated that decision more than most she had made.  
  
“On Stardate 50984.3, against the protests of her first officer and several members of the crew. For siding with the Borg during a conflict with another species and giving them the ability to assimilate said species.”  
  
There was quite a commotion on the other side of the room; she’d never be able to face those people again.  
  
“Charges for assisting an enemy of the Federation in a combat situation, dropped. Captain Janeway has been found to have acted within Starfleet Regulation 3 (Paragraph 12).” Hayes spoke.  
  
Kathryn’s gut clenched at the mention of the particular rule.  
  
“Charges for breaking the prime directive, to be brought against Captain Janeway for providing a technology to a species, allowing them to alter the balance of power in the system,” Hayes continued.  
  
The charges continued to pile and very few were dropped afterwards. She sat up when the final charge was announced, breaking the temporal prime directive little over a month ago. Charges would be filed – of course.  
  
By now the people in the hall could barely contain themselves. There had been no lack of anger from her crew and a number of them had left the proceedings in frustration; Harry among them, though he’d returned a few minutes later with a livid scowl on his face.  
  
Kathryn had maintained her calm throughout the proceedings only grimacing or cringing on occasion.  
  
“Captain Janeway,” T’Mira addressed.  
  
Kathryn wasn’t entirely too certain whether she needed to respond now, but she sat up attentively.  
  
“In accordance with the agreement you made with Starfleet on Stardate 55045.1, no other member of the Voyager crew will be charged for any criminal activity committed while Voyager was in the Delta Quadrant,” the Admiral told the room.  
  
_No! She wouldn’t!_  
  
The senior-staff shuffled in their seats – they knew what was coming.  
  
“Additional charges accepted by Captain Janeway are as follows :”  
  
_Yes, it appeared that she would._  
  
Kathryn rested her head on her fingers as her crew all but erupted into an angry torrent of rather abusive curses. Her senior-staff, though a little more composed than some, weren’t far behind. Chakotay stared blankly ahead shaking his head, B’Elanna and Tom sat arguing as though blaming each other. Harry stalked off again and was followed by a rather perturbed looking Seven.  
  
Hayes smacked a gavel on the desk and the sound rang through the room quieting her crew. She heard more than a few people withdraw at this point, but she forced herself to remain focussed on the Admirals.  
  
Admiral T’Mira began to list the offences, “the theft of technology from Sikaris on Stardate 48642.5, theft of a shuttle in pursuit of the Kazon, resulting in the torture and sexual assault of a crew member on Stardate 49208.5. The destruction of the Nasari vessel on Stardate 50732.4, the death of a member of species 8472 while under Voyager’s care on Stardate 51652.3. Breaking the temporal prime directive by travelling back in time to prevent the destruction of Voyager – again – on Stardate 52143.6,” she glanced up and her brow rose. “Breaking the Prime Directive by destroying an underwater power generation facility on the Monean homeworld on Stardate 52179.4.”  
  
In her peripheral vision she noticed more than one person cringe at their own crime. Tom appeared stricken as that last offence was read out.  
  
As she spoke Kathryn was finding it more and more difficult to contain her emotions, her breathing was stilted and she was beginning to feel feint. She couldn’t help but rub her brow with a hand.  
  
“Allowing the medical hologram to alter its own programming, causing a possibly life threatening situation for Voyager on Stardate 53131.8, awakening a powerful warlike species that had been in suspended animation on Stardate 53167.9.”  
  
She continued to list crimes all the while Kathryn squirmed awkwardly under the weight of their stares and the ones she felt on her back. _Maybe she should have just done the stupid interview._  
  
Admiral T’Mira paused and turned to Admiral Tanis at the end of the bench who perked up. The Andorian woman was the head of Starfleet Security and Kathryn assumed this was the ‘here’s a bio-tagging implant, don’t leave the planet’ part but she stood and cleared her throat.  
  
“There are two additional charges to be put forth by the Board; the Equinox crew committed a heinous act, and as per your agreement, you will answer the charge of the mass murder of the Ankari.”  
  
Kathryn felt ill, if her breathing had been unsteady before it was downright erratic now. She barely registered the noise from the hall. Someone shouted a protest, followed by a couple more, not all from the Voyager crew. Her vision was beginning to blur and she gave herself a small shake to clear it.  
  
_You are not going to faint in front of the Review Board! She told herself._  
  
She clenched her hands into fists under the table and pumped them in an effort to distract herself and encourage blood flow.  
  
“The second crime is still under deliberation, the use of a viral weapon against the Borg in your most recent encounter,” the Andorian woman proceeded as though nothing was amiss.  
  
Kathryn was utterly stunned; she had literally no idea what to think on that matter. Starfleet _themselves_ had employed a similar weapon against the Borg a couple of years before Voyager’s disappearance.  
  
“The Board will be investigating the nature of this weapon and if it is found to violate the rules of engagement, formal charges for use of a biological weapon will be laid,” Admiral Tanis continued.  
  
The Andorian Admiral took her seat again and Admiral Cowla spoke, “all members of Voyager’s crew are encouraged to seek legal representation in preparation for any evidence you may be required to provide,” she stated.  
  
Kathryn suspected her crew weren’t listening, there was far too much chatter coming from behind her.  
  
“Captain Janeway, you are to refrain from leaving Earth, until the completion of your trial,” Admiral Tanis spoke. She motioned to a security officer, carrying a hypospray who proceeded toward her. “You will be fitted with a bio-tagging implant so that we may track your movement,” she continued.  
  
The young Lieutenant touched the hypospray to her neck and as he withdrew she rubbed the spot with a frown.  
  
“Starfleet security will be summoned to your location should the tag stop functioning or should we detect tampering of any kind,” Tanis finished.  
  
“The official trial will begin on Stardate 55138,” Admiral T’Mira announced.  
  
Kathryn flinched as the Admiral tapped her gavel on the desk and then watched half stunned, half sick, as the five Admirals stood and walked out.  
  
She had to get out of there! Or – maybe if she sat _really_ still everyone would forget she was there and she could just wait here until – late February.  
  
There was a commotion behind her, though through the haze that was her mind, she couldn’t tell who was involved. Her eyes remained firmly fixed on the now empty bench in front of her and she sat, waiting for the hall to clear. If she could escape home and not talk to anyone else that would be about the best that could happen. There was scarcely a chance of that however; she knew her crew would stick around to badger her about her deal. She still couldn’t believe T’Mira had announced it to everyone. Surely they would know how irritated the crew would be for that decision.  
  
After about ten minutes she finally made a move and noticed at the room was empty. Everyone had already left. 

*****

Jeffery Simons gritted his teeth as he stalked after T’Mira into her office. “You said you’d give me more time to convince her,” he growled, before the door had even hissed shut.  
  
Her brow rose and she cocked her head to the side, “she has not given an interview yet,” T’Mira commented. “You still have a month before the proceedings,” she added.  
  
“Now half of Starfleet know her charges, there hardly seems a point, you’ve already damned her in the eyes of her colleagues,” he challenged.  
  
The door chimed before she could respond and a Benzite Captain walked in proffering a PADD to T’Mira, “it should be noted, Admiral, that I will be adding my name to that list, promptly,” he said levelly, before exiting.  
  
Simons glanced curiously at the PADD in T’Mira’s hand. He saw nothing of the information on it though he suspected he knew what it might be.  
  
“It would appear she is not so ‘damned’, as you believe,” T’Mira told him, handing the report over.  
  
He glanced over the documents listed and smiled, the first was a petition signed by most of her crew and a good number of other Starfleet personnel, demanding the charges be dropped. It had twenty six hundred signatures and was climbing as he watched it, in twenty minutes no less! The second document listed Admirals and Captains who had already handed in their resignations in protest of Captain Janeway’s harsh treatment, most were accompanied by comments. Captain Soral stated that the good Voyager had done in the Delta Quadrant far outweighed the bad. Captain Picard’s comment stated though Voyager had broken various Starfleet directives, they had had no support and the Admiralty shouldn’t be able to judge to actions they weren’t able to witness, first hand. Admiral Paris’ made note of the hefty sum of accolades that Starfleet still needed to bestow on the Captain and her crew and that it would be ridiculous to throw someone so accomplished in prison. The best though, from Admiral Su’Ma, of Starfleet medical, stated that under the conditions Voyager had been placed it was a wonder the crew held so closely to Starfleet standards at all. In her medical opinion the Equinox crew’s decisions were, psychologically, far closer to the expected result of such a situation, especially without a counsellor aboard.  
  
All up fifteen Admirals and thirty six Captains made up the second list.  
  
“We will not be accepting their resignations, of course,” T’Mira stated.  
  
“You can’t deny them, they have a constitutional right to resign,” Simons pointed out testily.  
  
She gave one of those damn Vulcan glares, “given hostilities between the Tzenkethi and the Cardassians we have the right to refuse resignation to anyone ranking Commander or higher,” she told him.  
  
“That’s ridiculous, they’re having minor skirmishes, they _always_ have minor skirmishes,” Simons argued.  
  
“Nevertheless, as we are assisting with the Cardassia rebuild project, we cannot afford to lose so many high ranking officers -”  
  
“Then acquiesce! Give them what they want! It’ll be no skin off Starfleet’s teeth!” He motioned to the world outside the window, “hell, it’ll be fantastic publicity for Starfleet!”  
  
Her brow rose at that comment and she paused a moment as though thinking about his statement. “Perhaps you should focus your efforts on arranging interviews?” she told him.  
  
He shook his head, “this is ridiculous, this is meant to drive up Academy recruitment, but all you’re doing is losing experienced officers,” he snapped, “it’s illogical.”  
  
“Logically, should Captain Janeway and her crew participate in the interviews recruitment will go up _and_ we will be able to drop the charges, thereby not losing any officers,” she countered.  
  
“Your plan is – preposterous, what if she won’t agree? I mean, she hasn’t so far,” he challenged.  
  
“Have you asked the rest of her crew?” T’Mira said.  
  
He swallowed, he knew Janeway would be pissed if he went after them, but how angry could she be if it saved her from serving a life sentence in prison? After their reactions during the court-martial today he would dare say that crew would do anything for her. I mean, he’d never witnessed a _Vulcan_ acting so aggressively, it was a good thing Commander Chakotay had been there or Tuvok might be facing his own court-martial.  
  
“You have plenty of time to attempt to arrange interviews,” she said again dismissively.  
  
He sniffed in irritation, before turning and exiting. He’d already made tentative approaches to some members of her crew, through newscasters, of course. They couldn’t really show their hand in this, lest some idiot on the crew decide to reveal it in the interview. Everyone who had been approached so far had refused flat out to even talk to a journalist about their time in the Delta Quadrant.  
  
Wandering lamely through the hall his eyes fell on Owen Paris who stood talking heatedly with Hayes. With a smile he waited for their discussion to finish and approached the man carefully. This could work.

*****

Kathryn had barely been outside in the last week, since the indictment. She sat miserably on the couch in her mother’s living room staring at the wall, unable to even conjure the energy to move to the replicator.  
  
Phoebe flopped into the seat beside her, holding a cup of coffee. She had intended to return home a couple of days ago, but had sent her husband and daughters, deciding to remain and ‘be here for her sister’. Kathryn _really_ knew this to mean, ‘be here to annoy her sister’.  
  
“Would you like – a coffee?” her sister asked, cautiously.  
  
Kathryn flicked her eyes in the younger woman’s direction and shook her head. She hadn’t felt like coffee these past few days.  
  
“How about some soup?” she asked again. “I learned a recipe for this delicious tomato and basil soup,” she made ‘mm’ noises and licked her lips.  
  
Kathryn hung her head and sniffed. In all likelihood the recipe was Chakotay’s, from Voyager.  
  
“Look, Katie, I know you’re angry and – whatever, but you can’t just sit here for the rest of your life,” Phoebe told her. She pushed Kathryn’s arm. “I’m sure your crew aren’t _actually_ irritated with you,” she added.  
  
“In the last week I’ve only seen _Tuvok_ ,” she disputed. He had revealed that the outburst she had heard in the hall had been him, losing control of his emotions again. A number of Voyager’s crew, including Chakotay, had needed to get him away before he attacked someone.  
  
“Yeah, and that’s – rude of them, especially for what you did for them,” Phoebe agreed, “I mean, I don’t think I have anyone in my life who’d go to prison for me,” she mumbled.  
  
Kathryn rolled her eyes.  
  
“Well, except you and B’Elanna, Seven, Sveta and Sekaya,” she mumbled. “And maybe James,” she added quickly. She sat pondering further, “do you think mom would go to prison for us?” she asked.  
  
Kathryn didn’t want to justify the question with any kind of response.  
  
“My point is – they’ll get over it, and – if they don’t well, you’ll know who your true friends are in the end,” Phoebe pronounced in a sagely voice. She waved a hand slowly away from her body as though motioning to the room.  
  
Kathryn didn’t react again.  
  
“Besides, I know where you’re ticklish, Kathryn Janeway, and if you don’t move off this couch in _five_ seconds – you’re going to get it,” Phoebe threatened. She placed her mug on the coffee table in front of them.  
  
Kathryn met her sister’s eyes levelly. “Don’t call me that! And - you wouldn’t dare. I’m your big sister -” she attempted to remind her.  
  
“I’m _bigger_ than you, Katie. Five,” Phoebe countered with a small smile.  
  
“Why won’t you just go away?” Kathryn sighed.  
  
“Because I love you,” Phoebe responded with a grin. “Four.”  
  
Kathryn shook her head, “I’m really not in the mood for this today, Phoebe,” she growled.  
  
“You’re never in the mood,” Phoebe said with a wink. “Three.”  
  
Kathryn gave her a disgusted frown and stood. “Ugh.”  
  
“Ah! Inappropriate sexual innuendo - gets you every time!” Phoebe exclaimed brightly.  
  
“Why didn’t you go home?” Kathryn asked.  
  
“Because I’d miss your stupid face too much,” her sister replied with a grin, “so much that I’m taking you out to dinner tonight,” she added.  
  
“Oh no, Phoebe, can’t you just wait until after all of this trial business blows over?” Kathryn attempted vainly.  
  
“I _could_ – but I don’t know how good prison food is,” Phoebe joked with a laugh, “oh god! Imagine if you had to cook!” she added with a terrified expression.  
  
Kathryn picked up a pillow and threw it at her sister who giggled stupidly.  
  
“I’m not taking no for an answer, by the way,” Phoebe told her, heading up the stairs.  
  
With a huff Kathryn followed, “Phoebe, please, there are going to be journalists out – everywhere and -”  
  
“Want me to invite the tote bag? She’d keep them away,” Phoebe giggled.  
  
She had no response that didn’t feel awkward so she didn’t say anything.  
  
Her sister entered her room and shut the door, “come on, Katie, the night is young and we are – not,” she said through the door.  
  
“Fine, Phoebe,” she acquiesced, “fine.”  
  
Sighing she stalked back to her room to ready. _Sometime in the future, she thought, I’m going to remember that I regret going out with my sister._ That being said if she didn’t take the opportunity to go out with her sister now, she would lose it again quite soon. She debated whether they should call their mother and invite her, but it she could relax far more easily, with only her sister.  
  
After showering she chose a nice black dress evening dress that made her feel about ten years younger than she actually was and pulled her slowly growing hair back into a neat tail.  
  
Once again she managed to ready before her sister, again. She stood outside the younger woman’s room waiting impatiently and rolled her eyes when the door finally opened.  
  
Within half an hour they were safely ensconced in San Francisco and Phoebe was dragging Kathryn to a restaurant a few blocks away from Starfleet Headquarters. The rather upscale Italian establishment sat on the bay, overlooking the ocean. The view of the water was spectacular at this time of evening. The sun hadn’t quite set yet, the pink, yellow and blue tinged sky was quite a site, over the water.  
  
Kathryn realised her mistake immediately. Sekaya stood watching the door from a table near the window and unsubtly waved at Phoebe as they entered. In front of Sekaya, Chakotay stood chatting idly, he hadn’t noticed them yet. He wore a dark grey suit that fit him rather perfectly and as much as she’d have liked to see it from the front she had a sudden urge to beat her escape.  
  
“Oh no, you don’t,” Phoebe whispered, grabbing her arm. “Go big or go home, Katie,” her sister whispered into her ear, through her grin.  
  
“I hate you, Phoebe,” Kathryn replied through her own smile.  
  
“Oh my god, Phoebe? What are you doing here?” Sekaya said excitedly, her acting skills left everything to be desired.  
  
Chakotay turned and his face almost fell when he saw them.  
  
“We were about to have dinner,” Phoebe answered, with about as much acting talent as her friend.  
  
Chakotay cleared his throat uncomfortably and shot his sister a rather venomous glare, before turning back to them, “Kathryn, Phoebe,” he greeted them a little awkwardly.  
  
Sekaya had already taken a seat at a table for four and Phoebe rushed past to take the one across from her. Kathryn wanted nothing more than to slap her little sister.  
  
Awkwardly Kathryn extended a hand and then patted Chakotay’s arm, “ah – how have you been, Chakotay?” she asked.  
  
After their brief and uncomfortable hand shake he rounded the table, taking the seat between his sister and the window. Kathryn took the last available spot, across from Chakotay.  
  
Chakotay tugged his ear, “good, I guess,” he sounded choked, “how about you?” His face contorted into a rather embarrassed and horrified expression when he finished his sentence, as though just hearing the words for the first time, “I mean – ah – sorry,” he muttered.  
  
“I’m fine,” she lied, brushing off the comment before turning to Sekaya, “and how are you Sekaya? How’s the rebuild going?” she asked politely. If they were going to force them to have dinner then she would make this as difficult for Phoebe and Sekaya as she could manage.  
  
“Very well, thank you, Captain,” she replied brightly.  
  
“Kathryn, please,” she said automatically.  
  
“What!” Phoebe exclaimed, “you let her call you Kathryn, but I have to call you Katie?”  
  
Kathryn smiled and rolled her eyes, “I only let people I like call my Kathryn,” she joked.  
  
Chakotay and Sekaya both smiled at that.  
  
Sekaya took the bottle of water on the table and began pouring everyone’s glasses as she spoke, “I’ve just secured a climate control system for Trebus,” she said brightly.  
  
“Oh, that’s wonderful,” Kathryn expressed. Trebus by nature was a rather dry planet; a climate control system would help the people grow their own food and would help maintain a more regular temperature on the planet.  
  
“And when are you heading back?” Phoebe asked pointedly, taking the conversation away from Kathryn.  
  
“Not for another couple of months,” she responded, “we still need to find a regular supplier of Dilithium, Starfleet can’t afford to keep us stocked forever,” she added.  
  
“Oh bleed ‘em dry,” Phoebe scoffed, “they deserve it!”  
  
Kathryn’s squeezed her eyes shut and waited for the moment to pass, when she felt brave enough to open them again she noticed Chakotay’s smirk.  
  
Sekaya appeared almost shaken by the statement and gave a small, uncomfortable laugh, “Starfleet’s given us a lot over the years and we’re grateful to them, for it.”  
  
Phoebe rolled her eyes but smiled.  
  
“How was _your_ trip to Trebus, Chakotay?” Phoebe asked quickly.  
  
His eyes flicked to the table and he appeared more than a little uncomfortable, “ah – good, I –  
  
I think I needed that trip,” he answered. Kathryn did _not_ miss his eyes flick in her direction as he spoke.  
  
So, _she_ had been the reason he left. Kathryn wondered what she had done to make him so angry with her.  
  
“Ok, that’s a good start, and then?” Phoebe probed.  
  
“Phoebe!” Kathryn snapped, shaking her head at her sister’s rudeness.  
  
Chakotay chuckled lightly, “it’s ok, I didn’t spend long there, I had about a week before we – rushed back,” he continued. “I managed to see quite a lot of the new city that has been built and my sister’s doing an amazing job,” he finished.  
  
“There are over fifty thousand people in the city now,” Sekaya told them proudly.  
  
Kathryn raised an eyebrow, “fifty thousand?” she asked, amazed.  
  
Sekaya nodded proudly, “now that the Car- now that there isn’t much of a threat Trebus and the other border colonies are quite prosperous.”  
  
Phoebe opened her mouth to ask a question, but was interrupted by the waitress who held a PADD in hand ready to take their orders. Ready that is, until her eyes fell on Kathryn, “oh my god! You’re Captain Janeway!” She squealed.  
  
Kathryn tamped down the reflex to bury her face in her hands, barely. All she could do was nod in response.  
  
The waitress then glanced at Chakotay and her eyes became double their size, “and you’re Commander Chakotay!” she added enthusiastically.  
  
A majority of the restaurant’s patrons were glancing in their direction now. Kathryn’s discomfort was matched only by Chakotay’s.  
  
“I’m going to the Academy!” the girl exclaimed, “and you are my – heroes!” she added, she fanned her face with her PADD grinning broadly. “I want to go into deep space command!”  
  
Phoebe and Sekaya appeared to be having the time of their lives trying to contain their reactions.  
  
Kathryn wasn’t entirely too sure what to say on that point and glanced around uncomfortably.  
  
“We didn’t exactly choose the life but it certainly was an adventure,” Chakotay commented politely. She was glad he came to the rescue, as he usually did.  
  
“Can I get a holoimage with you?” the girl asked almost desperately.  
  
Kathryn blinked – _people do that?_ She glanced at Chakotay and shrugged before they both nodded in unison and stood. The girl gave a pleading look to Phoebe and handed her a small holocamera to take the image before manoeuvring Kathryn and Chakotay to the window.  
  
The sun was setting over the bay behind them and if not for the fact that this was one of the most uncomfortable moments of her life, Kathryn would have thought it beautiful.  
  
Phoebe kept ushering them closer, because she was a horrible person, before she was forced to put her hand on Chakotay’s arm for support. Never take photos in heels! Eventually, once they were basically pressed against each other, she took the photo and the girl squealed again.  
  
“Thank you so much, Captain, Commander,” she said brightly.  
  
They resumed their seats and Kathryn had to take a deep breath, suddenly all she could smell was Chakotay’s aftershave – god, how she’d missed that scent.  
  
“So, not to – you know, put a dampener on this whole ‘meeting your heroes, business,’ but, may we order?” Phoebe asked with a bright smile.  
  
“Before you take our order, Cadet, what’s your name?” Kathryn asked politely.  
  
The girl blushed, “Emily, ma’am, Emily Darwin,” she replied.  
  
“Thank you, Emily,” she said, before motioning to Phoebe to order her food. Kathryn realised that she hadn’t actually looked at the menu and glanced over the pages quickly, they had a wonderful selection, it was difficult to pick.  
  
Phoebe ordered something as Kathryn perused, tuning the table out as she read her options, the pumpkin gnocchi with spinach, fetta and pine nuts sounded amazing. Or there was capsicum stuffed with tomato, chilli, couscous and basil.  
  
Sekaya made her choice as Kathryn settled on the gnocchi. She put the menu down and smiled patiently.  
  
Emily turned her attention to Kathryn, “I’ll have the pumpkin gnocchi,” she requested.  
  
Chakotay blinked, “ah, I’ll also get the pumpkin gnocchi,” he said awkwardly.  
  
As the girl moved off to continue waiting tables Kathryn glanced at her damn sister who wore the most ridiculous grin she’d ever seen. This entire dinner had to be one of the most ill-conceived, idiot things Phoebe had done in her entire life and as time wore on Kathryn couldn’t help imagining the various ways she might be able to pay her little sister back. They would be lucky if the place wasn’t surrounded by paparazzi before the sun had disappeared.  
  
Chakotay appeared to be fairing no better than she, his mood seemed to have turned rather dour since the waitress left the table; which she could only attribute to her presence here.  
  
She just hoped they could eat their meals and make a hasty retreat before anything too terrible happened.  
  
“So, Kathryn, I was hoping you could tell me some stories from Voyager,” Sekaya asked breaking her mind away from her thoughts.  
  
“Oh, stories, I’m sure I don’t have much that Chakotay hasn’t already told you,” she dodged.  
  
He glanced at her with something approaching an apologetic frown.  
  
“Oh he has, but I’m sure as the Captain your perspective must be quite different,” Sekaya probed.  
  
“Ok,” she agreed tentatively, “what do you want to hear?” Her internal alert sounded and a voice inside her mind seemed to be screaming, _trap!_  
  
Sekaya pondered for a moment and shrugged, “what did you get up to in your spare time?”  
  
Chakotay _actually rolled his eyes_ before busying himself with his napkin, which must have been quite a lot more fascinating than it appeared.  
  
“The same as I do here, I read, I visited the holodeck on occasion, walked around the ship. Nothing overly exciting,” she admitted. Of course, she knew what Sekaya was probing for. She wanted one of them to say that they spent most of their spare time together. She was certain this was a terribly veiled attempt to ambush them about their – _friendship_ – or lack thereof as the case may be, now days.  
  
She _knew_ they needed to talk, to clear the air, but this was the worst possible situation for it. They needed to talk in private. She appreciated the point however; neither of them had seemed willing to make the first move.  
  
“I hear you’re a bit of a pool shark,” Sekaya commented without a beat.  
  
Phoebe snorted, “did you hustle your crew, Katie?” she gasped.  
  
“She had to get her coffee somehow,” Chakotay joked.  
  
Kathryn pursed her lips and shook her head, “I only swindled Tom once,” she stated, “he wouldn’t play me again after that,” she added with a laugh.  
  
“Oh, but Tuvok would, he was _determined_ to beat you,” Chakotay reminded her.  
  
Kathryn reminisced on their games fondly, and Tuvok’s perturbed frown each time he lost a game. “I seem to remember my first officer challenging me to more than a few games, too!” Kathryn teased with a grin.  
  
“Yes, well, I had an abundance of replicator rations and we had to keep your caffeine levels up somehow,” he chuckled.  
  
She shook her head and stared at him with feign indignity, “are you saying you threw your games, Commander?” she gasped.  
  
He gave a small laugh, “I didn’t need to.” He took a sip of his water, “but I do seem to remember a certain _Captain_ losing a game to Harry Kim when he’d run out of rations, after replicating his clarinet.”  
  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she denied with a small smile.  
  
They laughed and Kathryn noticed Phoebe and Sekaya staring, dare she say, rather smugly. The look on her sister’s face dulled her reverie significantly and she sighed.  
  
“It sounds like you had some fun out there,” Sekaya prompted.  
  
Kathryn wasn’t entirely too sure what to say without accidentally insulting her. Fun was not exactly the adjective she would use to describe Voyager’s journey. Thrilling, sure, she’d even go so far as the say adventurous, as Chakotay had, but fun was far from something she could ascribe to their time.  
  
Chakotay came to the rescue once again, “it had its moments,” he interjected, “if nothing else it certainly was a unique bonding experience.”  
  
Sekaya and Phoebe exchanged a curious glance.  
  
“Sorry, ‘fun’ was a poor choice, I should have said interesting,” Sekaya amended.  
  
Kathryn smiled, “it’s alright. Voyager’s journey will be a part of its crew _forever_. No matter where they go it will be their constant companion,” _their burden to bear_ , “I doubt any of us will forget that time – the good or the bad.”  
  
“Nor would we want to,” Chakotay added with a respectful nod.  
  
Emily returned to the table then, with Kathryn and Chakotay’s meals before heading off to grab Phoebe and Sekaya’s. Once the meals were in place the girl brought out a complimentary bottle of Pinot Gris with a broad grin. The manager of the restaurant was also quite a fan of the Voyager crew.  
  
The waitress poured the wine for the table with enthusiasm. Kathryn made a note to; if she made it out of this court-martial business in one piece, visit the girl’s class, to offer some encouragement.  
  
After Emily departed the four began to eat quietly. The gnocchi was divine, Kathryn had so missed fresh meals while she had been on board Voyager – well, fresh cooked meals that didn’t include Leola root.  
  
The four of them sat in a comfortable silence delighting in their dishes. Kathryn hazarded a glance at Chakotay who gave a fond smile and an impressed nod to the food. She returned the grin. Maybe, just maybe they would get out of this evening alive – Phoebe and Sekaya.  
  
Kathryn had come into the habit of eating good food rather slowly; she supposed many of the crew had. The routine had been borne of ‘necessity’, one never knew when the next good meal might come along, and so each bite was savoured, reverently. Chakotay and Kathryn seemed to have barely _touched_ their meals when Phoebe and Sekaya placed their cutlery to the side of their plates.  
  
Kathryn blinked at her sister, “what did you do, inhale that?” she joked, earning a sniff from her sister and a snort of laughter from Chakotay and Sekaya.  
  
“Don’t laugh, you’ve got none left either,” her former first officer commented with a nod to his sister’s plate.  
  
Phoebe shrugged, “it’s been a long day, I was famished and -” she grimaced as she clutched her stomach, “ugh, and now, I’m _not_ famished,” she grumbled.  
  
Sekaya closed her eyes and gave a small frown, “maybe you two have a point, I may have eaten a little too quickly,” she muttered, squinting and clutching her belly.  
  
Kathryn knew exactly what they were doing – they were going to ‘go to the bathroom’ and disappear. She sighed inwardly a moment before Phoebe groaned, “excuse me.”  
  
Her sister meandered off toward the back ‘looking for the rest rooms,’ a rather ill looking Sekaya groaned and wordlessly darted after her.  
  
Chakotay rubbed his brow, obviously not convinced by their ploy.  
  
They continued to eat in relative silence and after ten minutes Kathryn finally figured that the pair had departed for good.  
  
She gave a small sniffed laugh, “They’re a subtle pair, our sisters, aren’t they?”  
  
Chakotay smiled glancing in the direction the pair had vanished. “How long do you think until they come back?”  
  
Kathryn raised an eyebrow, “they’ve probably already fled the planet,” she responded with a wry grin.  
  
He sniffed a laugh, “I should have seen this coming,” he sighed.  
  
“In truth, I’ve been nervous of this since you returned,” Kathryn commented, only realising her poor phrasing after the words had left her mouth.  
  
“Nervous? Is dinner with me so horrible?” He asked, sounding a touch offended.  
  
Kathryn was all too aware just how carefully she needed to tread – the wrong word tonight and she would lose one of her closest friends. “No, of course not, but it would have been nice to have a chance to talk first.”  
  
“You were only a comm call away,” he commented with a frown. He was on the attack and Kathryn had a terrible feeling she knew how the rest of this was going to go. Nevertheless they really did need to talk.  
  
Kathryn put down her fork and gave him a frank look, “so were you.” She met his gaze levelly making sure he knew that he was far from blameless in this situation, “ _and_ you were only a comm call away when you left for Trebus. It would have been nice to know,” her mouth seemed to have severed its connection to her brain and she cursed inwardly at her harsh tone.  
  
He sniffed and shook his head leaning back in his chair; he also placed his cutlery down.  
  
She took the opportunity to take a sip of her wine and they both sat quietly for a short time. He seemed to be silently fuming and she had no idea why. He had left Earth not her.  
  
“Why did you do it, Kathryn? Surely there was another way?” Chakotay asked.  
  
So, that was why he was angry. He could _hardly_ be surprised though; some of Voyager’s crew would have been thrown in prison, Tuvok, B’Elanna, Tom, the Equinox crew. How could she have not made that deal?  
  
“Do what?” She feigned ignorance.  
  
“You _know_ what,” he challenged. They’d had this argument before and she was decidedly uninterested in rehashing this _here_.  
  
Kathryn met his gaze with a frown, what did he care? “Thanks for your support, by the way,” Kathryn griped testily, ignoring his question.  
  
His lips thinned and he shook his head, “I’m surprised you even noticed I was here,” he responded in an equally terse tone.  
  
They sat uncomfortably silent for a minute before Kathryn sighed, “when did this happen?” she asked softly, indicating the space between them. She didn’t want to fight with him, he had been a huge part of her life for so long and she couldn’t bear to abandon their friendship now.  
  
“About three seconds after our meeting with Admiral Strickler, when _you_ ran away,” he snapped. Though he was hardly speaking above a whisper his tone and body language caught the attention of the people at nearby tables.  
  
“Ran away? Chakotay, I was _trying_ to catch Tuvok’s transport!” She protested quietly.  
  
“You could have said something! You muttered a half-hearted ‘gotta go’ and then took off before I could even say a word,” he retorted.  
  
“Well I was _pissed_ at you!” she growled a little louder than she wanted. Dammit, her brain had officially resigned its commission, leaving only her angst ridden heart in command. A couple more people glanced in their direction and she covered the side of her face with her hand – they really shouldn’t be having this damn discussion here – damn Phoebe!  
  
“Pissed at me?” he retorted hotly. “Why the hell were you pissed at me?”  
  
She _wanted_ to say, let’s talk about this later, perhaps they could go somewhere a little less public, but the image of him with Seven forced her propriety out the nearest airlock. “You’re good a _math_ , Chakotay, _you add it up!_ ” she snarled.  
  
He met her gaze with a rather shocked expression and then stood abruptly pulling his jacket off the seat, “lovely to see you again,” he said angrily.  
  
“Wait, Chakotay,” she tried before he was too far from the table. He didn’t turn back.  
  
_Go big or go home, Katie._  
  
“For god sake, Chakotay, _I love you_. I’ve loved you for years!” Kathryn blurted awkwardly. All noise in the restaurant died down. She felt her face flush, the world around her seemed to do a barrel roll and she was surprised, after blinking, that she hadn’t fallen onto the floor.  
  
Chakotay stared back at her, aghast. He’d turned a remarkable shade of red and for a moment appeared to be speechless. His eyes flicked to the people around the room and he swallowed uncomfortably. “Wow, what a way to tell me. Thanks,” He growled before stalking back through the door.  
  
Kathryn tried to keep her face composed. From around the room she became aware of holocameras clicking away. Suddenly she missed the Delta Quadrant quite furiously, rationing or no.  
  
Summoning her Captain’s mask she turned back to her table and returned to her meal putting on a façade of disinterest in the world around her. Eventually people returned to their own meals, but she heard the occasional comment about Voyager or herself or Chakotay.  
  
Once she finished her meal she stood, paid for the table and left.


	4. Ship of Fools

B’Elanna growled in frustration as she wrestled one handed with the bag containing Miral’s diapers. The damn thing refused to open and she was becoming more and more irritated, “P’taq!” she snapped angrily, throwing the thing on the floor.  
  
In her arms, Miral giggled at the outburst, her head lolling back as she stared at her mother’s reaction.  
  
“B’Elanna!” Tom snapped as he entered the room behind her.  
  
She rounded on him.  
  
“What would our sensitive daughter think of such language?” he asked, taking their daughter from her. He cooed and bounced her which caused her to laugh happily.  
  
“She’d _think_ I’m a _Klingon!_ ” B’Elanna growled as she snatched the bag off the ground and tore the top open. She pulled a diaper out and held her arms out for Miral.  
  
“I’ll change her,” Tom said with a smile, moving to the bench B’Elanna had set up. He lay her down carefully and began to clean and change her, making baby noises all the while. Tom truly was a wonderful father.  
  
B’Elanna watched on with a wry smile wondering what she had done in her life to make her so lucky to have him, to have them both. Some people viewed Voyager as a curse, and she had for a long time, but the more time they spent away from that beautiful vessel the more she was beginning to learn just how ‘homely’ it had become.  
  
Tom gave her a grin as he finished and picked his baby girl up, “do you think you could nap for us?” he asked their daughter. She cooed lightly and Tom very delicately put her in the bassinette. She blinked at them quietly and Tom met her eyes, closing his own slowly and dropping his head. She mimicked his action and within moments she had fallen asleep.  
  
“That’s a neat trick,” B’Elanna commented. He had done it before, but it never ceased to amaze her.  
  
“It won’t work for long, so let’s enjoy it while it lasts,” he whispered, grabbing her arm. He pulled her to him and held her close.  
  
“Sleep _does_ sound like a nice idea,” she teased, putting her hands on his arms.  
  
He stared at her for a moment as though trying to work out whether she was sincere. Whatever he saw he huffed a small laugh and put his forehead to hers and began to massage the back of her neck lightly. “I love you, B’Elanna,” he told her.  
  
She hugged him tight, “I’m so glad I met you, Tom,” she whispered.  
  
He pulled away with a curious look, “what brought that on?” he asked carefully. “You must want me to cook again,” he added with a chuckle.  
  
She sniffed and punched him in the arm, “I was _being serious!_ ” she chided.  
  
With a laugh he pulled her into a hug again, “sorry, I’m glad I met you too.”  
  
“I think I’m going to do the interview,” she told him. It was something she’d been considering since Tom’s father had asked. She couldn’t believe the Captain had denied even asking the crew. The woman was _damn_ frustrating at times! She was always sacrificing herself for them, but didn’t she realise they didn’t _need saving?_ If anything, _she_ was the one who needed saving now.  
  
Tom nodded slowly, “you know they’re going to ask questions about us right?” he asked, “what are you going to say?”  
  
She drew a breath as she pondered her answer, “I’ll say – you were a pig, but you got over it,” she joked with a grin.  
  
He guffawed loudly before giving a panicked look to their, thankfully, still sleeping daughter. “And you were as cold as ice, but I warmed you up,” he added.  
  
“Pfft,” she blew a breath and rolled her eyes. She sighed deeply, “I’m still thinking, I’ll let your father know – next week,” she said with a nod.  
  
He opened his mouth to say something else when the comm, on the wall, near the kitchen, chimed. They headed over together and Tom tapped the button to answer.  
  
Harry’s rather shocked face appeared on the screen. “Have you seen!” he exclaimed.  
  
They exchanged a glance and B’Elanna shook her head as Tom answered, “no, Harry, what’s going on?”  
  
“Turn on the News Network!” Harry barked.  
  
B’Elanna did a double take at his tone, but smiled as she crossed to the terminal next to the stairs. Switching it on, she flipped to the FNN.  
  
“I – ah – yeah, you’ll see,” Harry said, before signing off.  
  
She exchanged a look with Tom as the image of an elderly man appeared on the screen. He stood on San Francisco bay pointing toward a restaurant across the street. “Their sisters both left the table,” he began.  
  
“Oh no,” B’Elanna breathed. She had little doubt as to who these ‘sister’s’ belonged to.  
  
Tom gave her a curious look but turned back to the screen.  
  
“They had a rather heated discussion,” the man continued, “before he started to storm out.”  
  
It dawned on Tom and he echoed B’Elanna’s sentiment, “oh no.”  
  
“But she tried to stop him and said that she loved him!” the man exclaimed.  
  
“You have got to be kidding me!” B’Elanna gasped.  
  
“In _public?_ ” Tom said.  
  
“But he left anyway!” the man finished.  
  
“ _Oh no!_ ” they cried together.  
  
The reporter’s face appeared on the screen and she began to talk as B’Elanna stalked to the wall and snatched her coat off the rack.  
  
“Where are you going?” Tom asked.  
  
“I’m going to yell at someone!” she growled.  
  
“Well, at least it’s not me,” he commented.  
  
She ignored him as she stormed out the door. She tried not to slam it as she left, though she wasn’t certain how successful her attempt had been. She’d almost forgotten how satisfying it was to _slam_ a door.  
  
Stalking down the road she made her way to the local transport terminal. Starfleet had provided them accommodation in San Francisco, conveniently located rather close to amenities like transporters, Starfleet HQ and the bayside area. The walk was only three minutes and she was soon greeted by a young Human woman, in the gold, Lieutenant’s uniform. B’Elanna still hadn’t gotten used to the new uniform, though it was basically the same as the one they had worn on Voyager, it seemed sleeker and more imposing somehow.  
  
“Good evening, Lieutenant,” the woman said politely, “where can I send you?”  
  
B’Elanna gave a small smile and gave the co-ordinates to Sekaya’s house in southern Michigan. She stepped up to the pad and a moment later the station disappeared, replaced by the wooded area behind Sekaya’s house.  
  
The _moment_ she landed she wanted to kick herself. The nearest transport terminal was ten kilometres away. She would probably need a lift once she’d finished ripping a hole in Chakotay. That conversation wouldn’t be awkward at all.  
  
She made her way around the side and to the gate, the flower lined path considerably duller in the night. When she reached the door her hand hovered over the chime for a second before she clenched it. Oh no, they weren’t getting off like that. She slammed her hand against the door.  
  
“Chakotay!” she yelled, before banging on the door again.  
  
Someone of the other side of the door rushed toward it and she stood staring at Phoebe and Sekaya who wore smiles – until they saw her face.  
  
“ _What the hell did you idiots do!_ ” she snapped before she could stop herself.  
  
Phoebe’s mouth dropped open, aghast and Sekaya stared wide-eyed.  
  
“What do you mean?” Phoebe asked, genuinely confused.  
  
“Go turn on the News!” B’Elanna growled, “and _let me in,_ it’s freezing out here,” she added.  
  
They both jumped back from the door and Sekaya raced to the nearest display switching it to the FNN.  
  
“She was so nice, I don’t know why he did that,” a young woman wearing a waitress’ uniform expressed.  
  
“What did he do!” Phoebe shouted at the screen with a rather stricken look.  
  
Sekaya shook her head as they waited to hear, B’Elanna was far too angry to tell them. So much so that she’d become tangled in her coat and was trying to yank it from her arm.  
  
“I mean, who storms off when someone says they _love_ you?” the girl asked, sounding rather anguished.  
  
“He did _what?_ ” Sekaya exclaimed.  
  
“Oh – oh no, I – I have to get home,” she made a move toward the door and then gave them both a rather sheepish frown. “Can I get a lift to the transport station?” she asked.  
  
Sekaya nodded slowly.  
  
“I guess this means you don’t know where he is then?” B’Elanna pressed.  
  
They both shook their heads, “we – ah – we assumed everything was going well,” Sekaya commented as she took her coat from the rack.  
  
B’Elanna sighed, agitated, “have you got an access PADD I can use?”  
  
Sekaya nodded and darted into the living room grabbing a PADD from the bookshelf. She handed it to B’Elanna with a curious expression.  
  
“He’s probably being an _idiot_ and trying to _leave_ again,” she told them as she began searching through Starfleet transport files. He _probably_ wasn’t going to take a Starfleet vessel, if he intended to leave, but all vessels and their cargo and passengers were monitored by Starfleet. If she had any chance of finding him it was there.  
  
She followed the pair outside forgetting about the cold and growling as she wrapped herself in the coat again. Sekaya had a hover-car around the side and they piled in as B’Elanna broke through the encryption into the transport database.  
  
“Ugh!” she snarled at the screen, “he’s booked himself on a transport for Deep Space Four which leaves in two hours!” she told them.  
  
Sekaya started the engine and they drove to the transport station.  
  
B’Elanna discovered the transport was due to leave from Jupiter Station, if they were lucky they could head him off at the gate and drag him back to Earth by the ears.  
  
Phoebe departed with a rather dejected expression on her face, and Sekaya and B’Elanna requested transport to Jupiter Station.  
  
The port was a community of its own, home to a large science facility and one of the foremost Starship design teams in the Federation. Of course, you couldn’t have a facility of its size without having shops and – bars. B’Elanna marched down the promenade toward the first of said bars and took a good look inside before dismissing it. There was far too much noise, far too many people. Sekaya followed on her heels and pointed out another establishment across the way.  
  
It fit the bill; there were maybe twenty people, all nursing drinks. One figure turned away as they entered – Chakotay.  
  
They strode to his table and Sekaya took a seat across from him. B’Elanna wasn’t giving him the option to make a run for it though. She stood over his shoulder, hands on hip glaring down at him.  
  
“What the _hell_ , Chakotay?” she scolded him. She punched him in the arm and he glared at her, rubbing the spot with a livid glare.  
  
“Go away, B’Elanna,” he said with the flick of his hand, “you too, Sekaya – haven’t you broken enough already?”  
  
“ _Me?_ I’m not the one who walked out on my closest friend tonight!” his sister countered. She leaned forward on the table and slapped him across the side of the head.  
  
He looked up and glared at her, “she – no, you embarrassed me! In public!” he snapped.  
  
“So what, you’re going to leave, _run away again?_ ” B’Elanna growled, “do you know how _devastated_ she was when you did that last time?”  
  
“She’ll get over it, I have a transport to catch,” he stood and attempted to brush past B’Elanna, but she placed her hands on his shoulders and forced him back onto the stool.  
  
“You are _not_ leaving again!” she snarled.  
  
“What are you going to do? I doubt you can embarrass me any more than tonight,” he griped, shaking his head.  
  
“Come with us, Chakotay, or I’m going to make this _really_ public,” B’Elanna threatened. She put as much anger and derision into her tone as she could muster.  
  
It must have worked; he met her eyes and gave an audible sigh. “Why do you even care?” he asked, “why can’t you just let me go?”  
  
She raised a brow at him, “you’re _kidding, right?_ ” she asked, stunned.  
  
He shrugged in frustration, “I can just get out of your _lives_ ,” he told her.  
  
“Chakotay, you’re our _friend_ , you’re _family_ ,” B’Elanna said. She leaned forward to be eye level, “what the hell happened to you? I _know_ you’re in love with her, you bugged me about it every other _week_ ,” she softened her tone as much as she could manage, hoping to convey a somewhat comforting presence.  
  
He glanced away and sniffed, “it’s too late,” he muttered.  
  
“Why? She just told you she loves you, you idiot,” Sekaya interrupted.  
  
He frowned in her direction, “yeah, I handled that well, didn’t I,” he grumbled.  
  
“It’s not too late to apologies,” his sister said warmly. “I’m sure she’d understand, you were on the spot, you -”  
  
“It’s too late,” he said. He grabbed his drink from the table and sculled the remainder. He began to push himself up again, brushing B’Elanna’s hands aside. He moved past and began to walk to the bar’s exit.  
  
“Don’t leave Earth, you can’t do that to her, to us,” B’Elanna pleaded. “Stay. At least stay,” she tried.  
  
He turned back and stared at her for a long time, she felt as though he might be trying to read her soul. After a time his shoulder’s slumped and B’Elanna smiled inwardly at her minor victory. Sekaya moved over to him and put an arm around him as they walked with him, out of the bar toward the transporter platforms.  
  
B’Elanna had never seen Chakotay this upset, even after what that _bitch_ Seska did to him, even after hearing about the Maquis. She considered him with a sidelong glance, he must have bottled it, pushed it all aside back then.  
  
“I know Starfleet is assigning us all to counselling,” she mentioned tentatively, “have you started yours yet?”  
  
He shook his head.  
  
“I think it’s time you start,” Sekaya suggested pulling his head to touch hers, as they walked back to the transporter station, back to Earth.

*****

Kathryn lay face down on her bed. She’d been here for – years, it felt.  
  
The pillow over her head slowly slipped to the side and bounced onto the floor, again. She had replaced it a dozen times already, but felt somewhat disinclined to do so again. She felt rather disinclined to move ever again, for that matter. She hadn’t bothered changing; she hadn’t even taken off her shoes.  
  
_How could she have been so stupid!_ She had _known_ Phoebe was going to trap her like that, and she had _known_ meeting Chakotay out like that would be a mistake. She’d been so distracted that she’d allowed her damn sister to catch her off guard. She should have left as soon as she laid eyes on Sekaya. What a fool she had been.  
  
She could _never_ take back what she had said to him. That ‘crack’ about Seven or her sudden, idiotic admission of love. That was now out for all the world to see. People on the street seemed to have known before she had even reached the transporter terminal, she’d gained piteous looks from dozens of onlookers. She could have _screamed_.  
  
Then there was Seven, what if someone heard her comment about Seven? Indirect as it was, if it was quoted to the news feeds and the young woman heard it – if any of the crew heard it -  
  
Not that it really mattered! Her damn crew hadn’t lifted a finger to talk to her in the last week, why would they care _now?_  
  
Her hand moved to her neck and she found herself rubbing the spot over the bio-tag. As if her recent mortifying experience hadn’t been enough she was stuck on this _ridiculous_ planet.  
  
Kathryn gave a mirthless laugh, muffled by the bed. Over the past seven years she’d have done anything to get back here, _now_ she’d do anything to get away. What a messed up universe.  
  
Downstairs she heard the door open and close. She grimaced, flicking her face toward the door, she hadn’t locked it. Hopefully that was her mother returning for the night. Gretchen Janeway detested the News Network and doubtfully would have seen any of tonight’s incident.  
  
“Katie?” her sister’s voice called.  
  
Kathryn gritted her teeth so hard she was certain one of the damn things cracked. She rolled over on her bed and faced the wall. Feeling her hands begin to shake, she clenched them into fists and wrapped them close to her chest.  
  
“Katie?” Her sister’s voice was closer now, approaching up the stairs.  
  
With any luck Phoebe would think she wasn’t here and she’d go away, back home if there was any sort of justice in the universe.  
  
There was a tap on the door shortly before it opened. “Katie?” Phoebe’s voice said quietly.  
  
Kathryn didn’t respond, she didn’t move a muscle, maybe her damn sister would think her asleep.  
  
“Please, Katie, I’m so sorry,” her sister whispered. She walked into the room and sat on the bed behind Kathryn, resting a hand on her arm.  
  
Kathryn pulled away from her, “go away, Phoebe,” she growled sternly.  
  
“Katie, come on, you can’t mope in here. Please, come and talk to be downstairs,” she asked.  
  
“I _said, go away!_ ” Kathryn snarled, glancing back over her shoulder.  
  
“No, you need to talk about this,” Phoebe refused.  
  
“Talk about _what_ , Phoebe? The fact that from the moment I got home you’ve been trying to ruin my life?” she accused.  
  
“What? Katie, come on, it’s not _that_ bad!”  
  
Kathryn sat up and pushed herself off the bed. She stalked to the other side of the room before rounding on her sister, “you have _no right_ to interfere in my life like this!” She yelled.  
  
Phoebe blinked appearing admonished, but Kathryn wasn’t done.  
  
“Why did you have to do this, Phoebe? I was _perfectly_ happy before you started with your damn manipulating!”  
  
“Don’t bullshit me, Katie, you were mopey, you were – abysmally miserable,” she frowned, “that was hard to say,” she added with a mutter.  
  
Kathryn stalked toward the door to get away, but her sister stood to follow.  
  
“Look, if it makes you feel any better the entire Federation is on your side,” her sister attempted.  
  
_Oh god_ , Chakotay was going to leave again and it was all her fault. She couldn’t even try to follow this time – damn the court-martial, damn Phoebe, damn everything.  
  
“Come on, Katie,” her sister touched her arm as she reached the stair and Kathryn shook her off roughly.  
  
“ _Fuck off, Phoebe!_ ” she yelled. Kathryn hadn’t cussed in years, the word felt odd and sounded just as strange.  
  
“ _Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway!_ You apologise to your sister, _this instant_ ,” their mother spoke from the door of her own room, down the corridor.  
  
Once upon a time that tone, those three words, would have frozen Kathryn in place, but she was done! She wasn’t a child, she wasn’t a teenager and she didn’t deserve any of this. “She’s interfering in my life!”  
  
“I don’t care!” You do not talk to _family_ that way!” Her mother snapped.  
  
Kathryn knew she should submit, apologise to her sister and then head back into her room, but something in the back of her mind seemed to break. She rounded on her mother, “you’re no better!” she realised allowed. “You, getting the damn crew invited to my hearings! Do you have any idea what damage that’s caused?” she snarled.  
  
Gretchen’s eyes widened and she took a step forward, her chin rose and she took a deep breath. “You will apologise to Phoebe, and then you will apologise to me,” her tone dripping with deep anger.  
  
Kathryn had forgotten what it was like to be ordered around like this. She _hated_ it. In a way being the highest authority on Voyager had probably done nothing for her psyche in that regard. “I knew you would take her side,” she responded venomously.  
  
“Don’t you do that, don’t you turn this into sides. We just got you back and it feels like you’re further away than you’ve _ever_ been!” Her mother yelled at her. “We’ve lost too much to lose you again!”  
  
“You think _you’ve_ lost too much?” Kathryn shouted back, she scoffed, her hands beginning to shake again. “I’ve lost my _father, two fiancés, another man that I love, seven years of my life_ , and now I’m about to lose my _career!_ Don’t you dare talk to me about loss!” she turned away despite her mother’s protests, all but ran down the stairs and out the door.  
  
She hadn’t grabbed her coat, or any clothes or any of her things, but she couldn’t go back there. She doubted she’d be able to go back there for some time. She hurt too much for that – and she may just kill Phoebe if she saw her within the next week or so.  
  
Kathryn’s feet carried her over the frozen field, her heels sticking into the slush as she walked. As she approached the road, she glanced in both directions feeling the cliché as it was presented. The downhill path to her left was brightly lit, on the way to town and the transporter terminals, the uphill path to the right was dark, but for the ambient moonlight. The uphill path led to more farmland and not much else.  
  
Any second her mother was sure to follow her up the driveway and she wasn’t willing to talk anymore. She turned up the road and began to walk into the darkness.  
  
She knew this area well enough that the lack of light wasn’t really any disadvantage. She actually couldn’t believe how little everything had changed since she had been here seven years ago. Even the people in the area were the same, for the most part.  
  
In its infinite wisdom, the Universe seemed to decide that now would be a wonderful time for the snow to begin falling. She stared at the sky indignantly. “You would,” she cursed it.  
  
Wrapping her arms around herself she continued walking. The ground became slick from the new snow, and in Kathryn’s haste to get away her left foot rolled, her heel _snapped_ and she crumpled to the road.  
  
“Oh come on!” she cried. She glanced down at her other heel and in frustration ripped it from the right shoe, tossing it into the snow with a growl. The stockings of her left leg had ripped from ankle to knee and blood was pooling from the graze. She’d also graze her wrist in the fall. She tenderly pulled a couple of dark pebbles from the wound on her arm before pushing herself to her feet again. She took a step and hissed at the pain in her ankle.  
  
The image of how she must look flashed through her mind. She probably looked ridiculous, limping along, while sopping wet, bloody, with broken shoes, in an evening gown in the snow. She snorted a laugh, which built at the idea that someone might see her like this. With _her_ luck she’d walk into Seven and Chakotay, making amends in front of a whole camera crew, and why not – the rest of the Voyager crew as well.  
  
If she didn’t know the entire thing was beneath him, she’d almost think Q was behind all of the crap that had happened to her since her return. He certainly liked to toy with the lives of ‘simple mortals’ and who better to torment than _her?_  
She hobbled up the road, still chuckling to herself, for a good fifteen minutes. She was freezing and obviously going crazy, but she didn’t care. Ironically, for the first time since she had arrived home, she felt some semblance of peace, well, either that or she had hypothermia. Her grin was short lived however when a light appeared up the road from a hover car headed in her direction. She vainly hoped the thing would just pass her by, but it came to a stop in front of her.  
  
Irritated and somewhat tempted to just walk past whoever it was, she shielded her eyes and moved toward it. Someone got out of the car and she suddenly felt rather vulnerable.  
  
“Kathy?” a familiar voice asked from behind the blinding beams.  
  
“Mark?” she gasped. She hadn’t seen him since her return. She’d figured it would probably be inappropriate since he had a wife and a son now.  
  
The lights dimmed considerably and she could see him silhouetted against the snowy backdrop.  
  
“What the hell are you doing out here?” he asked tersely. “Dressed in that of all things, are you crazy?”  
  
She snorted and then laughed, and he approached throwing his coat around her shoulders. She wasn’t entirely too sure how to react, but the warmth was a welcome change against the snow.  
  
“Come on, I should get you back to your mother’s,” he said, motioning toward the car.  
  
She glared at him and put a hand up, “oh no, she sent you out here, _didn’t she?_ ” she challenged.  
  
“She’s worried, Kathy, she has a dozen people out looking for you,” he told her.  
  
“Oh god,” she mumbled. “Wonderful, this will be all over the FNN by morning too, then,” she added. She continued to hobble forward and he followed closely, a rather worried expression painted on his face.  
  
“I can see the headlines now,” she muttered, she couldn’t quite stop herself, “’Starfleet Captain goes crazy after admitting love for former terrorist,’ that one’s got a nice ring to it, doesn’t it.”  
  
His expression didn’t soften.  
  
“Or maybe, ‘Captain Janeway, attempts suicide by Indiana winter,’ how about that one?” she joked again. She’d forgotten that Mark really didn’t have much of a sense of humour.  
  
His eyes widened and he put an arm on her shoulder, his face becoming serious and deeply concerned.  
  
She patted his hand lightly, “oh loosen up, Mark,” she chided, “I’m out for a stroll,” she added.  
  
“In an evening dress, with broken shoes?” he asked.  
  
She shrugged, “convenience.”  
  
“I’m sure that’s con-” he was halted mid-sentence as the familiar sound of a transporter hummed behind him and two peopled darted into the light.  
  
“Captain?” a young security officer asked.  
  
“Oh for the love of -” she snapped. “Can’t I take a walk in peace?” she snapped.  
  
“Your mother was just worried about you,” Mark told her lightly.  
  
“You two,” she pointed at the young lieutenants. The pair stood to attention at her tone, “go away, I’m fine,” she added with a chuckle.  
  
They exchanged a glance, “ah - are you sure, Captain?” one of the men asked warily.  
  
She raised an eyebrow in their direction, “as sure as I’ll ever be,” she said with an authoritative tone. She placed her hands on her hips and jutted her chin in their direction.  
  
The men glanced at each other again, before shrugging and double tapping their comm badges as a signal to return to HQ. They disappeared in a shimmer of blue light.  
  
“Why don’t you come back to my place, have a coffee and – get cleaned up,” he said offered, “I’m sure Mollie would be overjoyed to see you again,” he added with a small smile.  
  
She pursed her lips thoughtfully at his offer. “I don’t know, Mark. Would that _really_ be ok?” She asked. She found that, standing here now, her feelings for him and dissipated long ago, but he had a wife who likely knew about their past.  
  
“It will be _fine_ , Kathy, besides, what am I going to do? Leave you out here to freeze to death?”  
  
Reluctantly, she agreed, climbing into the passenger side of the vehicle. As soon as she was seated she realised _just_ how cold she had been, though she tried to hide it from Mark.  
  
They drove in relative silence for the trip to the other side of the town, pulling up at a new townhouse. Kathryn was almost shocked to see that he’d moved, but it made sense, really.  
  
They hopped out of the car and a sensor light flicked on at their presence. A dog barked from inside the house. Not just any dog, Mollie. Her barking sounded enthusiastic and Kathryn couldn’t help but smile at the thought of seeing her beloved dog again.  
  
The door opened before they reached it and a woman with short blonde hair stood in the entrance holding Mollie at bay.  
  
_She’s blonde_ , Kathryn thought with a sniff, _figures._  
  
Mark’s wife couldn’t hold Mollie anymore and the dog burst from her grip whimpering and whining excitedly as she bounded up to Kathryn and bounced at her feet. Her tail wagged energetically and she danced around Kathryn licking and sniffing excitedly.  
  
“She remembers me,” Kathryn breathed as she reached down and hugged her beautiful dog. Mollie was far too ecstatic to be content with a hug or a pat, however, she bounded and clawed at Kathryn putting slobber and mudded paw prints all over her.  
  
Mark and his wife approached, both smiling as Mollie laid Kathryn out flat, with an, ‘oomph.’  
  
Kathryn was in tears as she cuddled her dog affectionately. She sincerely thought Mollie would forget her. She pushed herself up and snapped, “sit!”  
  
Mollie complied instantly, though her tail wagged vigorously and she danced uneasily on the spot.  
  
“Good girl,” Kathryn told her dog.  
  
Mark and his wife both looked Kathryn up and down which prompted her to take a look down at herself. Her dress was torn above the right knee. She was covered in mud, blood, dog slobber and snow and soaked through.  
  
“Hi, I’m Kathryn,” she introduced herself to Mark’s wife.  
  
The woman gave a small laugh.  
  
“I’d shake your hand but -” Kathryn glanced down again, “well,” she said.  
  
Mollie whimpered as though wanting to be a part of the discussion. Absently, Kathryn patted the dog’s head.  
  
“I’m Carla,” Mark’s wife introduced herself with a nod. “Why don’t you come on inside, out of the cold,” she added after a moment.  
  
“Thank you,” Kathryn said.  
  
As though by instinct she made the hand movement she used to use to make Mollie heel and the dog followed obediently.  
  
“Can I get you a coffee?” Carla asked politely.  
  
Kathryn smiled, “actually, if it’s not too much trouble, that would be wonderful,” she replied.  
  
Carla nodded with a smile and moved off toward the kitchen. Kathryn’s eyes wandered the living area and she smiled at the homey feel. This place was so Mark, and not at _all_ Kathryn. Her eyes flickered over the photos above the hearth and to the fine leather furniture, the rustic colours and country artworks on the wall.  
  
“Your house is beautiful,” she commented with a genuine grin.  
  
“Thank you, Kathy,” Mark replied. His eyes flicked to Mollie who sat panting patiently at Kathryn’s heel, though her tail continued its excited wag.  
  
Kathryn followed his line of sight and smiled broadly. “I still can’t believe she remembers me,” she commented, placing a hand on the dog’s head.  
  
Mark smiled warmly, “of course she remembers you, Kathy, you’re the love of her life,” he chuckled.  
  
Kathryn glanced down at Mollie, who looked up at her panting happily. Yet another great love she couldn’t have in her life. She swallowed past the lump that formed in her throat.  
  
“If you’d like, after your coffee, we have a guest room, you can freshen and stay here for the night,” Carla offered as she entered the room. She proffered the drink to Kathryn with a kind smile.  
  
Kathryn sighed inwardly, “no, I can’t do that, I’ve already imposed enough. I know where I’m going to go, if I could use your comm terminal, that would be greatly appreciated,” she requested.  
  
Mark and his wife exchanged a glance before they both nodded.  
  
“Of course, we’ll give you some privacy,” Carla said grabbing her husband by the arm. She dragged him down the corridor to the back of the house.  
  
She took a sip of the coffee before placing it on the table next to the couches and returned to the comm panel on the side of the wall.  
  
With a deep breath Kathryn approached the terminal and searched through the Starfleet address book. Finding his name she touched the button and waited for the line to connect.  
  
“Captain?” Tuvok greeted her.  
  
“Hello, Tuvok. How are you?” she asked.  
  
His eyes examined her carefully and his brow rose, “apparently better than you, Captain,” he commented.  
  
She frowned and glanced down once again feeling rather self-conscious. She flicked her hand at the screen dismissively, “I’m fine, Tuvok, really,” she said.  
  
He cocked his head to the side as though uncertain, “that is - good to hear,” he sounded as though he did not believe her.  
  
With a smile she ploughed ahead with her question, “Tuvok, I was wondering if I might be able to stay with you for a few nights?” she asked.  
  
He frowned again, “I am afraid, Captain, that you have caught us at a rather inopportune time,” Tuvok stated, “T’Pel and I must return to Vulcan for my next round of treatments, we will be leaving this evening,” he told her.  
  
_Damn._ “Oh, that’s not a problem, Tuvok, thank you, though,” she said. She frowned uncertainly.  
  
“I am sorry that I could not accommodate you,” he said.  
  
Kathryn laughed, “I see what you did there.”  
  
He cocked his head again, “indeed. I regret that I must cut our conversation short,” he glanced to the side as though looking at someone off camera, likely T’Pel.  
  
“Not a worry, Tuvok, have a safe trip back to Vulcan.”  
  
“Thank you, Captain, I will return in a month.” With that, he signed off and Kathryn stared at the monitor feeling more than a little awkward. There was no _way_ she was staying in the house of her ex-fiancé.  
  
She bit her lip and scratched her head uncertainly before searching for another name with a sigh.  
  
Owen’s face lit the screen and he gave a rather relieved sigh, followed closely by a concerned frown. “Are you ok, Katie? You look like hell,” he told her.  
  
She breathed a short laugh, “thank you, Owen, it’s good to see you too,” she joked with a smile.  
  
This didn’t seem to alleviate his concern in the slightest and she rolled her eyes. Laugh at your injuries and everyone thinks you’re batty… she probably _was_ batty.  
  
She decided to get right to the point, “look, Owen, I’m in a bit of a bind. I can’t return to my mother’s house.”  
  
He frowned at that as though ready to disagree, but she pressed on.  
  
“Is there any out of the way accommodation for Starfleet personnel I could use, for a couple of days?” she requested. Given the paparazzi, she wanted to avoid major towns and cities, some nice little island in the middle of the ocean – with no one else, would have been perfect.  
  
He nodded, “where are you at the moment? I’ll see what I can do and I’ll send the information through to you,” he said.  
  
She grimaced slightly, “Mark’s house,” she replied. He knew Mark well; he had been at their engagement party, after all. In all likelihood the pair had bonded after Voyager’s disappearance.  
  
Owen bobbed his head slowly, “I see, I’ll find something for you and send the co-ordinates through,” he promised.  
  
“Thank you, Owen,” she said gratefully.  
  
“My pleasure, Katie, talk to you soon,” he said. He made a move to sign off but Kathryn stopped him quickly.  
  
“Owen, can you please – not tell them where I’m going,” she requested. ‘Them’ included, her crew, her family, the paparazzi – anyone who might try to find her really. With the obvious exception of Starfleet, her tag made withholding her location from them a moot point anyway.  
  
The Admiral stared at her for a short time, before finally nodding with a sad frown, “alright, Katie,” he agreed. “We’ll talk soon, you – take it easy,” he told her.  
  
He signed off and a few moments later a message appeared on the screen. Kathryn memorised the address and the door code before deleting the message and returning to her coffee. She couldn’t leave the address for Mark to see, he would buckle and tell her mother and she wanted to face Gretchen Janeway on her own terms.  
  
Mark and Carla walked out a few minutes later obviously realising that there was no longer any noise coming from the room and she glanced at them with her almost empty mug.  
  
“I’ve arranged something,” she told them with a smile, “thank you for your help, I’ll be out of your hair just as soon as I finish this,” she said, indicating her drink.  
  
“You’re not seriously going back out there like that, are you?” Mark exclaimed.  
  
“The transport station is five minutes away, I’ll be fine,” she retorted. She wasn’t willing to shower here, that would be levels _beyond_ uncomfortable.  
  
Carla frowned, “you could at least replicate yourself a jacket,” she suggested.  
  
Kathryn couldn’t argue with that logic, she gave a polite smile, “thank you.”  
  
Within ten minutes she was wrapped in a long, ladies trench coat and walking out into the cold air again. Mollie had cried behind her as she walked away, the poor dog couldn’t understand why she was leaving again. Kathryn felt cruel for doing that to her, but she could hardly take Mollie with her. She had her own family now, a little boy to keep her company.  
  
Her ankle still hurt, but she wouldn’t allow herself to limp until she was out of sight of Mark’s house.  
  
Her trek to the transport station was blissfully uninterrupted, but she grimaced as she approached, spotting a couple of men and women sitting outside with holocameras. _Damn_. The coat she’d replicated had a deep hood and before any of them glanced in her direction she flipped it up, tugging the cord to pull it further closed. She also made her best effort to walk normally.  
  
Walking ahead without missing a beat she moved past the group and entered speaking to the Lieutenant inside in a low voice. The young woman seemed not to recognise her, thankfully, and she transported with no issue.  
  
She appeared feet from the door of an apartment in Appleton, Wisconsin and inputted the door lock that Admiral Paris had provided.  
  
The door opened and she entered, calling for the lights. The place was a _shoebox_ , she had _said_ small but this was a bit extreme. There were two small rooms off the living/lounge/dining area a bathroom and a bedroom, and the kitchen had been built off the side of the main room. A small round table sat in the corner which must have been considered bench space. On the plus side, however, there was a replicator on the wall, a bed in the bedroom and all the right amenities in the bathroom. It was no Captain’s quarters, but it was better than being hounded by the press or embarrassed by her friends and family.  
  
She kicked her shoes off and tossed them in the replicator, to recycle them, before adding her tattered dress.  
  
In the light of the apartment she was able to see what she had done to herself and she grimaced outwardly. Her ankle was swollen and bruised; forcing herself to walk on it likely hadn’t helped. She headed to the bathroom and wasted no time showering to remove the blood and grime from her leg and arm.  
  
Thoroughly exhausted, emotionally, mentally and physically, Kathryn barely made it to the bed before she fell asleep.

*****

As happy as Gretchen was to have her daughter home she could scarcely believe the changes in her demeanour, her personality, her very countenance. Kathryn had fallen in as many ways as she had grown out there. She was bolder now, but with such a depressed air about her, Gretchen hardly knew how to talk to her.  
  
Kathryn had been so angry at Gretchen since she’d returned to Earth. Gretchen couldn’t help but wonder whether that was in part to do with her absence when Voyager returned. Life had had to go on for Gretchen and she had booked the first transport back, the moment she’d heard of her daughter’s return.  
  
That didn’t seem to be all though, Kathryn, who used to enjoy the company of others more than anything in the world, seemed uncomfortable and awkward now. She must have been so alone on that ship. A small part of Gretchen blamed the Voyager crew for that, a person couldn’t be expected to survive for so long with no one in their life. She’d had Tuvok, of course, but a Vulcan was a poor substitute for an emotional woman like Kathryn. Hell, Gretchen had felt crazy after two weeks with Vulcans.  
  
Apparently Kathryn had had Chakotay as well, though that was obviously not a – friendship that lasted the distance. She couldn’t imagine that it would be easy for Kathryn to maintain a command distance and a friendship; even in the Alpha Quadrant, she’d have had trouble doing so. She didn’t want to think poorly of the man, Phoebe told Gretchen that he was earnestly in love with Kathryn, but a man in love seldom walks away, as he’d done. Perhaps he was scared, as Phoebe maintained, but Gretchen wasn’t so sure. He’d _seemed_ so worried when Gretchen had met him in Starfleet Headquarters. Though maybe he’d just been worried for himself, time would tell, she was certain.  
  
Gretchen picked up the holophoto of her daughter at her thirtieth birthday party, so many years ago. She’d been mid laugh, exquisitely happy, with Mark at her side as she cut her cake. She wondered how long it had been since Kathryn laughed like that.  
  
“I’m sorry, Mom, this is all my fault,” Phoebe apologised from her position at the bottom of the stairs. Gretchen hadn’t even heard her daughter on the steps. She jumped a little and gave her youngest daughter a warm look, before holding out her hand.  
  
Phoebe danced forward, off the stairs and stood with Gretchen, holding her hand. “We forgot. We had each other,” Gretchen muttered, “Katie – she didn’t have anyone,” she added with a solemn frown.  
  
“She did,” Phoebe responded, “that crew would burn the planet for her, if she asked them to.”  
  
Gretchen raised her brow at Phoebe’s colourful turn of phrase.  
  
“And despite what you _think_ , Chakotay would burn it, even if he was still here, for her,” Phoebe added. “He’s just – very stupid.”

*****

Sekaya watched Chakotay from the corner of her eye. He’d barely moved all morning, hell, he’d barely moved since she and B’Elanna had dragged him back here. She honestly couldn’t understand what was happing with him. That was part of the reason she’d called Starfleet medical for a counsellor to assess him.  
  
In the past three days he’d had two appointments already. Obviously it was too soon to tell whether they were doing anything to really help, but the counsellor had diagnosed him with PTSD and severe depression. His time aboard Voyager had taken quite the toll on him, it had taken its toll on a number of the crew and Starfleet had somehow managed to allow their counselling to slip through the cracks. Sekaya had apparently not been the first in a rather large list of family members from the crew to request counselling for them.  
  
Phoebe had told her that her mother had put in the same request, the same night, for Kathryn, who as far as the crew or Phoebe could tell, had vanished.  
  
Sekaya hated that she hadn’t picked up on Chakotay’s depression earlier. Thinking back, it had been so obvious. He hadn’t even needed to open his mouth, she should have known the moment she heard about his relationship with Seven. The fling had been decidedly out of character, the running away, however, had been spot on from his previous bouts of depression.  
  
“Stop staring at me,” Chakotay said suddenly. Sekaya almost jumped, he’d barely said anything at all the past couple of days. He had been ferociously angry with Sekaya for her attempt to set him up with Kathryn. He had ranted at her that he had ruined their friendship, and that it was hers and Phoebe’s fault.  
  
“I wasn’t staring at you, Chakotay, I was staring in your direction,” Sekaya told him. She moved over to his position on the couch and took a seat next to him.  
  
He scowled and attempted to move, but she pushed him back, “don’t,” she requested. “Come on, Chakotay, we’re the only family we have, don’t do that,” she implored.  
  
His eyes flicked in her direction and when they met hers, they softened, considerably. “Sorry,” he muttered.  
  
She placed a hand on his shoulder, “no, Chakotay, I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have done what we did,” she responded. She felt genuinely guilty, even Phoebe had become suitably abashed since their foolish gambit.  
  
Possibly the worst part for Chakotay had to be the fact that he had been vilified in the press over the past couple of days, especially since Kathryn had disappeared. There had been paparazzi camped outside her house since basically the moment she and Chakotay arrived home three nights ago. They had become so intense that Sekaya had taken the week off work in the hope that they might leave, if they saw nothing in the meantime.  
  
The counsellor had kindly teleported in for his two visits, so as not to give the press any more ammunition. Starfleet were unable to take any action against the vultures given the ‘free news act’, but had offered the assistance of security personnel should they become more than just irritating.  
  
Chakotay’s arm moved up to her hand and he held it for a moment. “You were trying to force us to – get over whatever it is we’re fighting about,” he mumbled.  
  
“Not very successfully,” Sekaya added.  
  
“Our wound is deep, Sekaya, you weren’t to know,” he breathed.  
  
She shook her head at her own lapse once again, “no, we should have known. I should have known,” she said in frustration. “I was just so excited to see you happy that I didn’t realise you needed help.”  
  
He actually gave her a small smile before he sighed. “We probably could have handled the dinner better, ourselves,” he said, drawing an obvious reference to him and Kathryn. “I should have known she’d be no better than me,” he griped.  
  
“It’s not really your place to know that, Chakotay, this is Starfleet’s failing, your family’s failing, not yours,” she told him.  
  
He huffed and his shoulders slumped as he leaned forward, “it used to be my place,” he murmured, “we were all we had out there, you know?” he added.  
  
Sekaya squinted as she ran the remark through her mind.  
  
“But I was stupid; I turned my back on her. I don’t even need to imagine what she would have ended up like, if we’d stayed out there,” he continued.  
  
She blinked at him uncertainly and his eyes became guarded, “sorry, you had to be there,” he said with a mirthless chuckle.  
  
Sekaya forced a smile though she had little idea what he was talking about.  
  
They sat in silence for a time and he continually fidgeted before he became apparently rather restless and stood pacing – again.  
  
“I started making something for her, I was going to give it to her when she was acquitted – that didn’t happen,” he grumbled.  
  
She glanced up at him curiously, “what are you making?”  
  
“I -” he sighed. His eyes flicked to her and he gave a small smile, “want to brave the reporters?” he asked.  
  
She raised an eyebrow, but he motioned toward the back door and she gave a relieved sigh. They may not even realise she and Chakotay were outside.  
  
With a nod she followed him to the back door, “I wish I had a tricauder,” he said with a short laugh.  
  
She smiled as they exited the house and made a mad dash for the garage.  
  
The room was _full_ of half crafted tables, chairs, desks, benches, coffee tables and a dozen other things. She had no idea he had been this busy, she had no idea he had been able to craft them all so quickly.  
  
Moving to the side of the room he frowned at her, before pulling something out from behind a half made cabinet. The vase, that he had obviously crafted, was one of the few finished items in the room and though that was part of the present it wasn’t the whole gift. He explained the significance of his creation and Sekaya cried. It was one of the most beautiful things she had ever heard of.  
  
She threw her arms around him, “I swear to god, Chakotay, you love her this much? If you _don’t_ marry her I might just phaser you,” she exclaimed and he actually laughed.

*****

Kathryn glared at the young Vulcan woman standing at her door, “no,” she said immediately.  
  
“I am afraid, Captain, that this is not a request,” she said.  
  
“Lieutenant, I don’t _need_ help,” she growled.  
  
The woman cocked her head to the side, “I beg to differ, Captain, you have been through a rather traumatic experience, which has altered your psyche to an apparently detrimental effect.”  
  
Kathryn glared at her, “fine, I don’t _want_ help, then,” she amended.  
  
“That is illogical,” the woman argued.  
  
“Tell it to my chief of security,” she griped, trying to close the door again.  
  
The Vulcan held a hand up to stop it before pushing her way into the room. “He was one of the people concerned for your wellbeing,” she told her.  
  
Kathryn sniffed, _he would!_  
  
“And your mother, Owen Paris, Tom and B’Elanna Paris,” she continued. “You have rather a network of people who are concerned for you.”  
  
“I am fine,” she told the woman. She leaned against the nearby desk for support trying vainly not to show preference to her leg.  
  
“They all said that you would say that.”  
  
Kathryn growled, apparently she was an open book!  
  
“Captain, please come and sit on the couch. Whether you are interested or not Starfleet are concerned for your psychological wellbeing.”  
  
“Why?” she argued, “why would they bother? They’re just going to throw me in the stocks in a month’s time. Why waste _your_ time and _mine?_ ”  
  
“You do not know the outcome of your court-martial, it is illogical to assume that you will be found guilty of the charges presented,” the woman continued.  
  
The Vulcan was a Lieutenant, the only people outside of her own crew who were actually privy to the charges, were those with a level 10 security clearance, or higher. Kathryn shook her head as a sudden thought occurred to her, “why did they send you? A Lieutenant? I can’t even discuss most of Voyager’s journey with you?” she probed.  
  
The woman quirked a brow, “Starfleet have given permission for you to tell me anything about your travels that you feel is necessary for your recovery,” she said. “As a Vulcan, when I say that your secrets are ‘safe’ with me, you can be assured that I am earnest,” she added.  
  
Starfleet sent her because she was Vulcan. A Vulcan counsellor, the idea seemed about as strange as a Ferengi missionary or a Nausicaan doctor.  
  
She stared at the woman for a short time, weighing her up.  
  
“Please, Captain. Starfleet only has your best interest at heart,” she said, motioning toward the couch.  
  
Kathryn bit the inside of her cheek as she stepped over, the pain in her ankle was quite bad now, but she couldn’t face Starfleet medical at the moment. She made it to the couch and sat down facing the young woman with a level gaze. “What’s your name, Lieutenant?” she asked finally.  
  
The woman cocked an eyebrow, “I am Naelyn,” she replied.  
  
“Alright, Naelyn, what do you want to know?” she asked. She allowed her irritation to pour through, she didn’t like this, she didn’t want to waste what little free time she had left on this and she knew her reactions would be meticulously listed in Naelyn’s report.  
  
“What do you think the problem is?” the Vulcan asked.  
  
Kathryn gave a disgusted grunt, what kind of counsellor was she?  
  
“You have displayed a number of ‘out of character’ behaviours since your arrival home. Your mother reported that you swore at your sister, for instance,” the Vulcan continued.  
  
Kathryn grimaced at the memory, “not my finest moment,” she admitted.  
  
“Undoubtedly,” Naelyn said with a nod. “Captain, can you recall the last time you were happy, _truly_ happy?”  
  
Kathryn blinked, her first thought was of Quarra, but that had been an artificial happiness, not the real her. She flicked back through her mind remembering contentment at times, but not true happiness. Her best moments had been her off duty hours with Chakotay; their dinners were something she sorely missed. She’d be lucky if he ever spoke to her again now.  
  
Her mind ran back through their lives in the Delta Quadrant and fixed on one moment, a moment of true happiness. New Earth, after about nine weeks, when she had finally accepted their situation, she had been happy then. He had shown her that life could be good there, his point had been that life can be good anywhere, but she’d had a difficult time seeing that once they returned to Voyager.  
  
She found herself talking to Naelyn rather freely and at one point had even broken down into tears. She had forgotten so much of Voyager’s early days, before she had become so heavily burdened with guilt. She had forgotten herself. Once upon a time Kathryn had been curious, fun, friendly and adventurous. Now she was insecure, dour, stubborn to a ridiculous extreme and reserved. If the Kathryn from seven years ago met this Kathryn she’d be shocked and desperate to avoid that fate – _oh, the irony._  
  
According to Naelyn she had a lot to forgive herself for. The deaths of those under her command, for a start. People die as she so eloquently pointed out, and had they been in the Alpha Quadrant at that time, statistically they’d have lost _many_ more of their crew.  
  
Forgiveness wasn’t so easy, of course. Everyone who served in the Dominion war had signed up willingly to fight for the Federation, Voyager’s crew had had no option.  
  
It would take a long time for her to find herself once again. There were parts of her that were likely lost forever; she would need to come to terms with that.  
  
Before leaving Naelyn arranged for a second appointment in two days and said that she would send a doctor to have a look at Kathryn’s ankle.  
  
Kathryn denied the injury, of course, but the Vulcan woman had been persistent and twenty minutes later another young lieutenant in a medical uniform arrived with a med-kit. She chastised Kathryn for not having the injury checked earlier; she had fractured – something – and the Lieutenant healed the wound.  
  
A week passed since her embarrassing outburst in San Francisco and Kathryn received a summons to Starfleet Headquarters by Admiral Hayes. His expression gave little clue as to Starfleet’s intention, but given her recent luck she wasn’t overly enthused about the summons. They’d probably decided to just skip the damn trial and toss her in prison. _Still_ , she made her way to the transporter station, making good use of the coat she’d replicated at Mark’s.  
  
Teleporting directly into Headquarters, she lowered her hood and headed across the lobby area to the briefing halls down the corridor.  
  
She received more than a few piteous looks from men and women of all ranks, which she fervently ignored.  
  
Her anxiety peeked when she entered the briefing room. Fifteen Admirals sat around the large table. The five Admirals from the Review Board circled the head of the table and the rest of the seats were taken up with the likes of the Dean of Starfleet Academy, and the heads of every major department in Starfleet, plus Admiral Paris and Admiral Simons.  
  
As rooms of people went, this was about as intimidating as they came. She moved to the end of the table and stood to attention not wishing to push her luck by taking a seat.  
  
They all stared at her, expressionless, including Owen. After about thirty seconds she began to feel more than a little uncomfortable, though she maintained her composure. If they were going to throw her in prison today, she would go with her head held high. Another thirty seconds passed before she had to swallow or risk choking on the lump that formed in her throat.  
  
“Captain Janeway,” Admiral T’Mira spoke. “We have asked you to come in today as we have completed our assessment of Voyager’s travels through the Delta Quadrant.”  
  
_Hadn’t they already done that, about ten seconds before throwing the book at her?_  
  
“Though you are being court-martialled, Starfleet cannot ignore Voyager’s many accomplishments, _your_ many accomplishments,” Hayes followed on.  
  
Kathryn watched them carefully as they spoke; trying to figure out what was going on here. It hit here very suddenly when her eyes flicked to Simons – oh, she had made quite a bit of publicity for them, she was certain. She gritted her teeth, angry with herself again, for her outburst at dinner.  
  
“You have more first contacts than any other Captain in Starfleet history, by a mile. You have encountered more unusual phenomena than any other _crew_ in Starfleet history. You have brought back technology, and intelligence and you have dealt not one but multiple devastating blows to one of Starfleet’s greatest enemies,” he continued.  
  
_So, they were going to praise her and court-martial her for the same thing?_  
  
“Captain, we will be announcing your promotion to Vice-Admiral in two days, in a press-briefing and there will be an official banquet that night, to celebrate.”  
  
Kathryn let out some strange noise halfway between a cough and a snort, thankfully Hayes continued, ignoring the sound.  
  
“Those of your crew, who still wish to remain with Starfleet, will also be promoted,” he finished.  
  
_A promotion?_ She could scarcely believe it, _what a load of absolute garbage!_ Her gut became tight, she felt angry, so very angry! She _wanted_ to tell them where to stick their promotion, but Owen caught her eyes, obviously reading her expression very well. He gave her a wide-eyed, warning stare and shook his head ever so slightly.  
  
Pursing her lips, attempting to appear pensive she put on a smile, “thank you, Admiral,” she said as graciously as she could manage, which turned out to sound rather more sincere than she expected. She considered the rest of what they’d said and she almost cringed outwardly, “I don’t suppose we could save the announcement and the dinner for a week or so?” she requested.  
  
She received more than a couple of stern glares from those around the table; she had her answer before Admiral T’Mira even opened her mouth. “The announcement and the function have already been advertised.”  
  
_Advertised?_  
  
“We will be moving ahead, as planned,” Hayes finished.  
  
_They’d probably invite the crew! Oh, what if they made it compulsory? What if Chakotay was there?_  
  
Her face must have her discomfort because Simons stood and placed a hand on her shoulder, “relax, _Admiral_ , you’ll do great,” he told her.  
  
She glowered at him as he sat back down. What the hell is the point of all this?  
  
“That is not all,” T’Mira stated.  
  
Kathryn glanced back at the woman patiently waiting for the coin to drop.  
  
“After a review of some of the incidents at your court-martial, we will be dropping some of the charges. Including the use of a biological weapon, one of the temporal prime directive charges and three of the prime directive charges,” T’Mira told her.  
  
Kathryn nodded brusquely, not entirely certain she had anything positive to say on that regard. She still had a hefty set to face; the mass murder charge would be enough to have her locked up for the rest of her life. That and the now seven cases of breaking the prime directive and two of breaking the temporal prime directive, was it?  
  
She had mixed feelings about those charges being dropped. She would never overcome the feeling that she hadn’t legitimately beaten them. It was quite apparent that this had all been brought about by her dinner a week ago. That all being said, facing this court-martial frightened her; she didn’t want to go to prison. Her earlier obstinate belief that she might be able to beat the charges was buckling under their very weight. She was so frightened at the prospect of gaol that she was beginning to consider taking Simons up on his offer, as long as she could leave the crew out of it, of course.  
  
“We shall send a letter officially rescinding the charges, you will be provided a copy, with all charges that will be dropped, listed,” T’Mira told Kathryn after a moment.  
  
“Thank you,” she said still unsure what to say. It felt as though Starfleet was a ship being piloted at two conns, one wished to crash her into a star, the other wished to dress her in gold and parade her around. Unfortunately she had no idea who sat at either helm. She suspected that finding out would set her in with this group, in a very different way.  
  
“You are dismissed, we will be in touch,” Hayes stated.  
  
She nodded and thankfully her legs worked, enough to get her to the door at least; where she bumped into Chakotay – of course.  
  
She must have turned a frightful shade of red, he himself, stared wide eyed before dodging past her into the room. Feeling horribly embarrassed for the thousandth time since her return, Kathryn fled to the relative safety of the corridor. She slumped against the wall for a moment to breath.  
  
_They did this on purpose_ , she realised. Was it to throw _him off_ , or _her?_ If they’d wanted to throw her off, he’d have been there before her interview.  
  
Holding her head down, she made her way back to the transporter pad, before she ran into anyone else.


	5. Reverent Reverie

Chakotay had almost fallen over himself when he bumped into Kathryn outside the briefing hall. He shouldn’t have been surprised; he’d heard the entire senior-staff were being called in today, with the exception of Tuvok who had returned to Vulcan. Though he doubted their meeting was an accident.  
  
He had been so befuddled by their encounter he barely heard a word the Admirals spoke and had agreed to something before truly hearing what it was. He would have agreed to anything, just to get away, though.  
  
Running the conversation back through his mind, he shook his head to dislodge the cobwebs and interrupted Admiral T’Mira, who did not look at all impressed.  
  
“Wait, you’re promoting me to Captain?” he asked.  
  
He saw a smirk on Admiral Paris’ face and one or two of the others.  
  
Hayes gave him a rather frank look, “yes, we assume you’re staying with Starfleet?” he spoke.  
  
Chakotay stared blankly before smiling, “ah – yes, I had hoped to,” he mumbled. He hadn’t even had his debriefings yet and they’d already decided? This move seemed rather strange.  
  
T’Mira quirked a brow, “which position would you would find most appealing?” she questioned.  
  
He had to skip back to what she’d been saying before he interrupted; Captain of Deep Space Four, or a professorship at Starfleet Academy. The professorship would be an advanced tactical training course for officers, but the Captaincy of Deep Space Four would pose an interesting challenge.  
  
Chakotay cleared his throat feeling more than little put on the spot, how could they ask him to decide now? A week ago he’d been ready to run away again – to Deep Space Four. He wondered if that had been the reason they’d asked. If he left now, though, he would never repair his friendship with Kathryn – also Sekaya would kill him, if B’Elanna didn’t get to him first.  
  
Idly he wondered whether this was some kind of test. Starfleet shouldn’t be privy to the discussions he’d had with his counsellor, but the man had said that Chakotay needed to stop running. Could this be Starfleet trying to see whether he still wanted to run?  
  
Here he would have Sekaya, friends, and if he somehow managed to fix what he had done he might just have Kathryn.  
  
Space stations were a boring post, anyway.  
  
“I’ll take the professorship,” he agreed finally.  
  
There were a number of satisfied smiles in the room, one curious grin passed between Paris and Simons that made him feel more than a little uncomfortable.  
  
“Thank you, Commander, remember the press announcement will be in two days, followed by a function that night,” T’Mira spoke.  
  
Kathryn would be there – that would be his opportunity to make amends. He just hoped that she would talk to him… and that he wasn’t stupid enough to say the wrong thing again.  
  
He was dismissed with a nod and barely registered that Admiral Simons followed him outside until the door hissed closed behind them.  
  
“Commander,” he spoke.  
  
Chakotay halted mid step and turned around watching as Tom entered the hall next, B’Elanna, who had also obviously been called in, already stood to the side with Miral, watching him with a frown.  
  
He scratched his head and edged down the corridor to indicate to the Admiral that he wanted to keep walking. The bastard stood still, so Chakotay stayed.  
  
“Yes, sir?” Chakotay asked finally and a little more testily than he should have.  
  
The Admiral shrugged it off rather gracefully before speaking, “I want to cut to the chase,” Simon’s began, “you want to make everything alright with her?” he said.  
  
He wasn’t overly careful with volume and Chakotay noticed B’Elanna glance up curiously.  
  
Rubbing his ear nervously, Chakotay nodded finally, “of course I do,” he admitted.  
  
B’Elanna’s focus returned to Miral, but she smiled almost smugly.  
  
He wanted to roll his eyes, but staved off the urge.  
  
“I’ve talked with Captain Janeway a few times regarding an -” he paused and gave a rather hesitant head bob, “arrangement to drop the charges against her.” He studied Chakotay as though trying to figure out whether he was following the conversation, he wasn’t an idiot.  
  
“She’s head strong, what did you ask her to do?” Chakotay questioned pointedly. He was sick of dancing around these kinds of things. Kathryn had been amazing at it; she would make a remarkably good Admiral, if they gave her the chance.  
  
Simons smirked, “we asked her to do an exposé on the Voyager crew or to convince some of the crew to do so,” he confessed with a small shrug.  
  
It was Chakotay’s turn to smirk, what a ridiculous thing to ask. Then again they were obviously desperate for the attention in the news. He gave the man a curious frown. They had practically been overjoyed when Chakotay had assumed the position at the Academy. The war and the recent Borg attack? Voyager was the biggest success story to come out of Starfleet in the last decade. _Could Starfleet really be that petulant, that petty that they would throw Kathryn in prison for publicity?_  
  
“Recruitment’s down?” he posed carefully.  
  
Simons smiled and sniffed, “you two must have made one hell of a command team,” he commented.  
  
B’Elanna smiled again from her position against the wall and Chakotay suddenly felt quite exposed.  
  
“You want me to do an exposé?” he added.  
  
Simons nodded, “if _you_ would do it I can get the charges dropped,” he said.  
  
Chakotay opened his mouth to agree, but the idea of just shoving all of that under the rug. He didn’t believe Kathryn should be facing all of the charges herself, of course. But the moral implication of allowing some of Voyager crew’s crimes – more importantly, the Equinox crew’s crimes, be dismissed, made him hesitate. Seven alone had committed some heinous crimes. Could he live with himself? The blame should be laid at the feet of the responsible parties.  
  
Simons could obviously see his hesitation, “Crewmen Lessing and Gilmore were here to see us earlier. The Equinox crew are willing to face their charge, themselves,” he said.  
  
Chakotay met the man’s eyes; that would piss Kathryn off just as much. If he agreed to this he might very well be sealing the fate of the former Equinox crew members. _No_ , he thought, _they did that when they began to murder the Ankari._  
  
Slowly, Chakotay nodded, “alright,” he accepted.  
  
Simons looked surprised for the briefest moment before he grinned, “I’ll have you on air tonight,” he said.  
  
Chakotay coughed, “tonight?”  
  
Simons nodded, “tonight.”  
  
B’Elanna looked up now and gave Chakotay a meaningful look. He had seen that look before, that look meant, it’s now or never.  
  
“Ok,” Chakotay agreed in a choked voice, “tonight.”  
  
Before Chakotay knew what was happening he was sitting in front of a news reporter as Sekaya and Admiral Simons watched on with something approaching twisted delight.  
  
The young reporter sitting across from him, Angela Nash had been with the Federation News Network for three years and had reported on the Dominion War.  
  
The only stipulation on this interview was that there were to be no questions regarding the still classified missions on Voyager. Other than that she was allowed to ask whatever the hell she wanted.  
  
He found his nerves rising as the cameras appeared and he began to breathe uneasily. He wasn’t good in front of crowds, he had a tendency to say stupid things like, ‘what a way to tell me, thanks.’  
  
Angela gave him a warm smile, “don’t worry, Commander, just think of this as a chat between us,” she attempted to comfort him.  
  
He cleared his throat, “ok, I – I think I can do that,” he muttered.  
  
She nodded happily as a pair of makeup artists moved in to touch her up. She had the air of someone who had been through this a thousand times. “Just -” she began before one of them dabbed on some more lipstick. “Just focus on your story, you’re telling us about daily life out there and -” one of the assistants sprayed something in her face giving her barely enough time to close her mouth and eyes. She shook her face, gave a small cough and then returned her smile to him, “Well, the Federation just wants to know what you got up to out there, how the crew dealt with the situation.”  
  
Chakotay nodded and took another deep breath. As long as he didn’t accidentally reveal any classified information he’d be ok.  
  
As though reading his mind Simons moved over, “just remember, Commander, the interview is live,” he said in a sharp whisper.  
  
_Oh, yes. That made him feel so much better._  
  
Sekaya stood over the reporter’s shoulder and smiled encouragingly. He gave a half-hearted grin which faded when his eyes fell on the cameras again. _This was a mistake – he was going to say the wrong thing and then he’d be thrown in prison alongside Kathryn._  
  
In an attempt to centre himself he began to think back through Voyager’s journey, starting with their early days, the tension, the Doctor’s bad temper, Neelix’ terrible food. He smiled to himself. His thoughts flittered to Kathryn and he tried to focus on what he wanted to say. He _wanted_ to tell her he was sorry, that was easier said than done. He wanted to tell her he reciprocated – in front of the Federation.  
  
He had to take another deep, calming breath and must have looked nervous as hell, Sekaya’s eyes went wide and she made a soothing gesture with her hands as though she was afraid he might bolt. He wasn’t too sure that he wouldn’t.  
  
“Two minutes,” the producer called from next to Admiral Simons.  
  
Chakotay’s heart began to race and his deep breathes no longer seemed to be working. _What the hell was he doing?_  
  
“Commander?” Simons questioned.  
  
“I’m ok,” he managed - he wasn’t, not at all. His panic increased steadily and at this rate by the time that two minutes was up he’d be a crying, puddle on the floor. He squirmed uncomfortably in his chair earning a worried frown from the Admiral.  
  
“Just remember,” Simons said, “you’re doing this for Kathryn.”  
  
Chakotay nodded and forced himself to think about her and why he was doing this. She had put herself out there, in front of the whole Federation, thanks to their ridiculous celebrity status. Now was his chance to pay her back.  
  
_You’re doing this for Kathryn, he repeated in his mind._  
  
“Alright, Commander, I’m going to start with questions about Voyager’s early years, about the crew’s adjustment to being out in the Delta Quadrant,” Angela spoke suddenly.  
  
“Ok,” he responded a little dumbly.  
  
She gave him a piteous smirk, “relax, you’re going to be fine,” she told him.  
  
She had no idea, though.  
  
He almost jumped out of his chair when the producer spoke again, “one minute,” he announced.  
  
His eyes flicked to Sekaya again and she put on a broad grin before giving him two thumbs up. Simons moved into his line of sight and whispered something to his sister, she replied with a rather worried frown and a shrug.  
  
This was agonising, tonight was going to be the longest night he’d ever faced, he was certain.  
  
“After your early years I’ll ask a bit about your senior-staff and other prominent members of your crew,” Angela spoke again.  
  
He nodded at her.  
  
“I figure we’ll leave Captain Janeway for _last?_ ” She asked pointedly.  
  
“Save the best for last,” he muttered.  
  
She smiled broadly, before he realised what he’d just said.  
  
“I mean –” he blabbered, but shook his head and shrugged. He was about to tell every idiot in the Federation, who wanted to tune in, how he felt about Kathryn Janeway. “I meant what I said,” he amended.  
  
Angela nodded with an unsurprised expression.  
  
“In ten,” the producer announced. The man gave a silent countdown and for short time Chakotay thought his heart might just stop when he reached one.  
  
“Good evening, I’m Angela Nash and you’re watching the Federation News Network, the _fastest_ news in the Federation,” the reporter introduced.  
  
Chakotay took another deep breath.  
  
“Tonight we have a special interview with Commander Chakotay of the newly returned Starship Voyager,” she said.  
  
She glanced at him with a meaningful smile, “good evening, Commander.”  
  
“Good evening,” he almost chocked on his words, but recovered, at least a little as he continued to speak, “thank you for having me.”  
  
“Our pleasure,” Angela responded. “Now, I have hundreds of questions, of course, we don’t quite have the time for all of them, so let’s get right into it, shall we,” she started.  
  
Admiral Simons and Sekaya’s reaction should have been warning enough, but he was too focused on not bolting from the chair that he almost fell out of it when she asked, “tell us about Captain Janeway.”

*****

Phoebe squealed the moment the reporter asked her first question. She was going to back the oaf into a corner and force him to admit, in front of the entire Federation, that he loved Katie. She poked her mother in the arm repeatedly until her finger was swatted away.  
  
“Stop that, Phoebe!” her mother growled, testily.  
  
“But he’s going to say it!” she was practically bouncing.  
  
“Do you _honestly_ think Katie is watching this? Do you think she’ll actually see this?” her mother pointed out.  
  
Phoebe sighed, “she will if someone straps her to a chair and forces her to watch it.”  
  
Her mother cocked an eyebrow and flicked one of her teeth with her tongue in that scary way she so often did. Phoebe couldn’t help but swallow.  
  
“I’m _sure_ someone will make her watch this,” she added.  
  
Her mother shook her head and returned her attention to the PADD she’d been studying.  
  
“This is going to be all over the news for _weeks!_ She has to come out for that press thing we were invited to in a couple of days,” Phoebe pointed out.  
  
“Have you even heard a word the man has said?” Her mother didn’t look up from her device.  
  
Phoebe opened her mouth to say that, of _course_ she had – but that was a lie.  
  
She pressed her lips closed and stared at the screen as Chakotay, who had turned the colour of his turtle-neck, began speaking of some incident early in their travels where Katie had yelled at Tuvok and B’Elanna. He’d changed the subject, the sneaky devil.  
  
“He’s avoiding the subject,” she muttered.  
  
“Mmhmm,” her mother mumbled.  
  
“But, I know he loves her, what’s the point of him doing this if he isn’t going to tell the world?” Phoebe griped.  
  
Her mother sighed and stood moving away, “of course he loves her,” she grumbled, “but, Phoebe, they’ve been through something incredibly traumatic,” her mother lowered her PADD and met her eyes, “there might be no coming back, for them,” she added.  
  
Phoebe frowned at that thought, it was ridiculous. Yes, Katie had been distant and a little broken when she’d returned, but she was _still_ Katie. Katie who _loved_ love, who was prepared to end her career with Starfleet to raise a family, she hadn’t changed _that_ much; _had she?_  
  
She glanced at the screen and watched Chakotay tug his ear awkwardly. “The crew, as I said, got along rather well, fairly quickly. I tried my best to lead by example,” he stated.  
  
From the reporters reaction he had not answered her question at all. He was dodging her questions about Katie. _ome on, Chakotay, don’t let her down._  
  
“Alright, Commander, what did the former Maquis think of your easy laid loyalty?” the reporter asked him.  
  
“Some of them accepted it, mostly the ones who had served in Starfleet before. _Mostly._ Some, Seska, Jonas, Dalby, Chell and a few others weren’t so – receptive to the change,” he stated.  
  
“Seska and Jonas are two who were killed in action?” the reporter asked. Phoebe knew the names from Katie’s personal files, though the incidents surrounding their deaths were likely still classified.  
  
Chakotay’s eyes wandered off screen, “ah – something like that,” he answered vaguely, “they have their own stories that I’m sure will come out one day,” he answered evasively.  
  
The reporter nodded, “I think the big question on everyone’s lips is, ‘why did you run away last week?’”  
  
Chakotay frowned and stared at the floor for a moment, he appeared dejected, torn, as though he might just run away _now_. “When I panic I tend to – run away,” he told the reporter with a sad frown. “I’ve made quite a case of that since we got home -” he winced as though thinking about something else, “since before we got home,” he amended. _Seven._  
  
“You didn’t run away from Voyager,” the reporter pointed out sounding a little confused.  
  
“No, I didn’t,” he chuckled, “metaphorically, though,” he sniffed and gave a pensive frown. “As you’re aware Voyager’s ‘missions,’ in the Delta Quadrant are classified until the debriefings are finished.”  
  
She nodded politely.  
  
“So,” he sighed, “there was an incident, obviously I can’t give you any details, but when we returned to the ship I asked Kathryn if she regretted my actions. She had the very real chance to be truly happy for the first time since Voyager landed in the Delta Quadrant, you see.”  
  
The reporter gave him a confused look but motioned for him to continue.  
  
Phoebe was transfixed by the conversation, she hadn’t made it this far it Katie’s logs yet.  
  
“She turned to me and said, ‘not for a second.’” He huffed, “in those words she bared her soul to me, she didn’t just say ‘not for a second,’ she said, ‘no, because I’m in love with you.’” He grimaced, “saying that out loud sounds a bit narcissistic, but over the years I’ve come to know Kathryn better than I’ve known _anyone_ in my life. I _knew exactly_ what she was telling me.”  
  
“I’m not quite sure I understand, why did nothing ever happen between you, in the Delta Quadrant?” the reporter probed.  
  
Chakotay tugged his ear uncomfortably again, “we could never have had anything out there, not on Voyager, not with a hundred and fifty people relying on us. We had made that decision _many_ years beforehand. So when she let down her barriers in that one moment, I knew what I had to do – for Kathryn. She would _never_ have forgiven herself if anything happened between us and it risked the safety of our crew.” He explained. “She’d never have forgiven me,” he added. “So I pushed away, our meals together all but ceased, I stopped spending time with her after shift – I shut her out,” he appeared more than a little ashamed. “Despite the fact that I knew how much my support meant to her -” he grimaced again, “I made some rather stupid decisions -”  
  
He shook his head, “I told myself it was for her, but honestly - the move was purely selfish, I couldn’t stand the idea that she might hate or resent me one day so I shut her out, which became the catalyst for exactly the thing I feared.”  
  
“It sounds to me, and the Federation, from her declaration last week that she _certainly_ doesn’t hate you,” the reporter joked.  
  
Chakotay seemed not to see any humour in the comment; he leaned forward in his chair, frowning glumly.  
  
The reporter noticed the change in his demeanour and jumped to another question, “ok, so – you said you could never have had anything in the Delta Quadrant, aboard Voyager, why is that? I mean, _many_ Starfleet Captains have had relationships with members of their crew before.”  
  
Chakotay drew a breath, “the difference is that we were _alone_. What would have happened if the relationship didn’t work out?” he posed, “as far as we knew we were going to be on that ship the rest of our lives.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair, “or worse,” he continued, “what if something happened to one of us – I would have found it difficult _enough_ to accept Kathryn’s death, if it happened. If we had been in a relationship I – wouldn’t have been able to function, I wouldn’t have been able to lead the crew.”  
  
The reporter’s eyes widened and she appeared rather impressed with his admission. Phoebe supposed it wasn’t every day the Federation News Network had a high ranking member of Starfleet bearing their soul like this.  
  
“I’d like to get back to this topic, but first, you implied before that when you _ran away_ from Captain Janeway, out there, that you hadn’t just _pushed_ her away, can you elaborate?”  
  
Chakotay sighed, “I made a mistake two weeks before Voyager returned home. We were still reeling from the loss of Lieutenant Joe Carey,” he sniffed, “I was angry at Starfleet for sending us on the mission, I was angry at myself for leading it, I was angry at Kathryn because she was the Captain – I became depressed and lonely.”  
  
The reporter nodded attentively.  
  
“So when someone asked me on a date, I said yes. You have to understand this person and I have _nothing_ in common – with the exception of the fact that we were both stuck out there,” he frowned and shook his head. “She was considerably younger than me, but she was beautiful, she flattered my bruised ego with her advances and I – said yes. I don’t think it would ever have gone anywhere.” He leaned back in his chair with a distant look in his eyes. “When I accepted the date that was my way of giving up, after seven years I had resigned myself to the fact that we were never going to get home and that -” He paused for some time, staring into the distance for a long while.  
  
The reporter gave him a curious look, “Commander?”  
  
“That Kathryn and I would never have a chance to be together,” he admitted.  
  
He sat still for a moment, the reporter must have sensed something from him, she watched with genuine interested, her patience paid dividends.  
  
He sighed and smiled, “I fell in love with Kathryn on the day I met her, you know,” he admitted.  
  
Phoebe stared wide eyed at the screen. Her mother actually gave it an impressed stare.  
  
“ _The day you met her?_ ” The reporter exclaimed, “weren’t you _enemies?_ ”  
  
Chakotay gave a small laugh, “something along those lines, we weren’t _allies_ , but we did have a common goal. When I met her the first time she squared off against me, if you’ve ever seen us standing together you’ll understand why I was impressed. She’s tiny, compared to me, but she showed no fear,” he reminisced.  
  
“And that’s why you fell in love with her?” the woman asked sounding rather befuddled.  
  
He shook his head, “no – oh, I was attracted to her, don’t get me wrong!” he chuckled.  
  
“So, what made you fall for her?” the reporter pressed, obviously not wishing to wain from the subject.  
  
“Though she had been sent to capture my crew we were both in a similar predicament. Both of us were missing a crew member and though she didn’t really need our help, she involved the Maquis in the search,” he began. “That certainly earned my respect, but the moment that did it, the moment I fell for her - was when she destroyed the array,” he confessed.  
  
The Caretakers array was one of the few incidents in Voyager’s past that was not classified, since it had been the catalyst for trapping the crew out there.  
  
The reporter coughed, not bothering to hide her surprise, “shouldn’t you have been angry with that decision?” the reporter asked incredulous.  
  
Chakotay smiled, “why? She sacrificed _everything_ to protect the homes of an innocent people,” he stated.  
  
Phoebe understood his subtle political commentary, but the reporter, for some reason, felt the need to point it out, “as the Federation had failed to do for your own people, in the past.”  
  
Chakotay’s lips thinned and he gave a small nod.  
  
Phoebe wondered what the Admiralty might think of that comment, but it had been the reporter’s, not his.  
  
The reporter cleared her throat and decided, _quite wisely_ , to change the subject, “so in the seven years you were out there, did you never tell each other how you felt?”  
  
Chakotay smiled wistfully, “we did, in our own ways, I almost told her directly, once – but I chickened out and made up this ridiculous story -” he tugged his ear again and almost grimaced as though the memory was too much for him. “But there were other things, about four and a half years into our journey there was a real chance we might get home and we had a thinly veiled conversation about our relationship. She wanted to know if I’d be here for her, I told her -” he frowned, “I told her ‘always’.”  
  
The reporter nodded her encouragement.  
  
“There were other things of course, I used to leave fresh flowers in her ready room, I used more of my replicator rations on her coffee addiction than I did to keep myself alive,” he laughed. “We spent most of our off duty hours together,” he sighed and shook his head. “Almost all of our holodeck time was spent together,” he said.  
  
The reporter positively beamed at him. “Oi!” Phoebe yelled at the screen, “hands off, woman, that’s Katie’s!”  
  
Her mother rolled her eyes and gave a tsk.  
  
“Kathryn would place her hand above my heart, I always felt that was her way of telling me,” he said wistfully before adding, “if either of us were injured, the other would be in sickbay when we woke.”  
  
“Aw!” Phoebe vocalised earning a head shake from her mother, though she could see a slight smiled creeping onto her lips.  
  
“I have few regrets in my life, but straying from Kathryn’s side, tops my list,” he said after a moment’s pause.  
  
“You believe you should have _waited?_ You should have been beholden to a veiled promise?” The reporter asked.  
  
“Shut up! He’s being romantic!” Phoebe argued. She truly wished she was – wherever they were now so she could throw something at the woman.  
  
“When I was with this other person I couldn’t help the feeling that I was being unfaithful, even though Kathryn and I had never been together, not really. I guess that’s how she felt too,” his expression dropped and he looked the part of a wounded animal.  
  
“We have to make sure she sees this!” Phoebe exclaimed.  
  
Her mother gave her that ‘you’re being melodramatic, again,’ look but Phoebe ignored her darting to the nearest comm terminal.  
  
“Phoebe,” Gretchen said in a warning tone. “Remember what happened the last time you interfered?”  
  
Her hand paused midway through searching for B’Elanna in the directory.  
  
“But -”  
  
“Phoebe,” her mother stated again.  
  
Phoebe pouted before dropping her hand to her side. “Ugh, she hates the news network!” she groaned as petulantly as she could manage.  
  
“But, like you said, it will be all over the Federation for the next week.”

*****

Kathryn paced a couple of steps and then paused glancing at the chronometer again, three hours. She grimaced. She just wanted this damn day over and done with so she could go into hiding again – until her trial. She’d probably need to see if she could be moved, as well, too many people had witnessed her hurried return two days ago.  
  
Assuming her charges were overturned, _ha_ , she wanted to find a place to stay out of the public eye. If she could manage that, for say, the next thirty years, all might be well. The Delta Quadrant would be perfect.  
  
She moved to the replicator ready to order a coffee, grimaced at the thought as soon as she was standing in front of it and then headed back to her spot in the middle of the room. Immediately she thought better of the coffee and stalked back to the replicator. “Coffee, black,” she ordered.  
  
The drink appeared and she snatched it out sloshing a little over the side, onto her finger. She hissed and grabbed the mug with her other hand shaking the sting away. It wasn’t a bad burn at all, barely a couple of drops, so she rolled her eyes and promptly ignored it.  
  
After a sip of her drink Kathryn recycled it with a distasteful grimace. Why was everything being so _difficult_ today?  
  
Her eyes flicked to the chronometer, two hours and fifty eight minutes. She glared at the time willing it to either _stop altogether_ or _hurry the hell up._  
  
Scrubbing her hands over her face she tried vainly to focus on something else. _Coffee_ , she should replicate a coffee. She wandered over to the replicator and growled in frustration remembering her incident a minute ago.  
  
She was losing her mind. It made sense, she’d been alone for the better part of a decade and her brain had cracked. Maybe they’d excuse her from – the rest of her life, if she was crazy?  
  
She shook her head and grasped the small table to the side of the living area. It, like everything else in this matchbox, was within arm’s reach of basically everything else. She needed a bigger place, _like a cell block in New Zealand?_  
  
With a growl she pulled one of the chairs out and sat firmly. Her leg began to quiver energetically. She slapped her thighs in an effort to regain some semblance of control, but this only seemed to increase the intensity of her quivering.  
  
“Dammit, Kathryn, get a hold of yourself!” she snapped. She’d sounded eerily like him and her shoulders slumped. He’d be there today. Oh, this was going to be agonising.  
  
She planted her head on the table and groaned pathetically. She felt ridiculous, like a teenager, overly emotional. An adult would just brush the embarrassment off, and move on with their lives. _Ugh, she sickened herself_. He was probably already over it, he’d dusted it under the proverbial rug and moved on with his life. He was probably already dating another blonde – Marla Gilmore. She snorted, that would figure. They’d _laugh_ as she got hauled away for the Equinox charges.  
  
She almost fell out of her seat when the comm panel on the wall beside her chimed. With a sharp sigh she sat up and slapped it angrily.  
  
“What!” She asked immediately.  
  
Owen’s face appeared on the screen and he actually smiled at her. Thankfully, had that been any other Admiral they might just shoot her when she arrived today.  
  
“Hello, Katie,” he said. His eyes considered her for a moment and he shook his head. “I’d ask how you are, but you’re obviously _fine_ ,” he added.  
  
She frowned at that, she was fine… finally cracking.  
  
“Now, I applaud you for wearing your dress uniform,” he began, “but I think you could stand to – at _least_ brush your hair,” he finished with a grin.  
  
Kathryn couldn’t see her reflection anywhere nearby. She ran her fingers through her hair brusquely and gave him a forthright look.  
  
He sniffed a laugh, “much better. Now, Starfleet wanted me to let you know, there’s been a scheduling change, the press release will be in one hour,” he informed her.  
  
She could only imagine how she looked, she felt her eyes go wide, she knew her mouth was hanging open and she heard the coughing noise she made. It all seemed to be happening to someone else, though.  
  
“Katie.”  
  
_He had to be kidding, an hour?_ She felt as though she’d stopped breathing - oh, she had. Forcing herself to breathe out she stared blankly at the screen.  
  
“Katie, you’ll be fine, no one even remembers whatever it was you were so embarrassed about last week,” Owen told her.  
  
“You are a terrible liar,” she accused.  
  
“That may be true, but I’m not lying about the time change, I’ll see you here in forty minutes for a quick run through of events.”  
  
She stared at the screen with pursed lips considering just turning the display off. She didn’t, of course, “I’ll be there,” she assured him.  
  
He frowned thoughtfully but finally nodded again, “alright, Katie, I’ll let you get ready.”  
  
“Thank you, Admiral,” she said, sounding less than thankful, though she tried to maintain a friendly tone.  
  
They ended the channel and Kathryn pushed herself to her feet with an irritated sigh. She probably did need to touch her hair up; she’d readied quite a lot earlier than she was meant to.  
  
Forty minutes later she stood inside Starfleet Headquarters. Once again the people who saw her reacted to her, this time though they wore broad grins. She grinned back as best as she could manage, her confusion must have been visible to many, however.  
  
At the very least Starfleet had forbidden the press from entering the building, they all stood outside taking holoimages through the broad glass. She ignored them as best as she could as she waited for Owen to arrive.  
  
He met her only a few minutes after she materialized, he had Miral in his arms and was followed closely by B’Elanna, Tom and Harry who all grinned at her as though she missed the punchline to a _great_ joke. She realised she hadn’t seen the three of them since before her rather embarrassing dinner and made a great effort not to grimace at any of them.  
  
“Congratulations, Admiral!” B’Elanna said brightly throwing her arms around Kathryn when she was close enough.  
  
Kathryn breathed an unsteady laugh, “thank you, B’Elanna,” she said.  
  
“Congratulations,” Harry and Tom both said together, they were satisfied with a hand-shake, thankfully.  
  
“Katie,” Owen greeted her happily. He, holding his granddaughter, made no move to hug her or shake her hand.  
  
“Owen,” Kathryn responded with a grin. Her overwhelming nurturing instincts kicked in as she moved in to say hello to the baby. Miral squealed excitedly, causing more than a couple of people in the hall to jump, and she shook her arms.  
  
Kathryn smiled happily offering the little girl a finger, Miral took the gift happily and began to shake her arms again. Her head bobbed uncontrollably but she gave a gorgeous smile.  
  
“Why don’t we withdraw to the press room,” Owen suggested with a nod to the corridor, nearby.  
  
They followed willingly, though it took some time before Kathryn was able to extricate her finger from Miral’s sturdy grasp.  
  
Well, B’Elanna, Tom and Harry had grinned at her like idiots, but they hadn’t said a word about last week. That was something, at least. Maybe the rest of the crew would be just as reserved?  
  
There were a number of people in the hall already, most of whom Kathryn wanted to avoid, her mother and Phoebe sat near the front on the left, Chakotay and Sekaya quite close to them, along with a good number of Voyager crew members. Kathryn was ever so grateful when Owen motioned for her to proceed down the right ramp and to the back of the stage. B’Elanna took Miral and she, Tom and Harry peeled off.  
  
When they exited to the backstage area she noticed more rather happy smiles, lighting the faces of those who looked at her. “Ok,” she said quietly, “what the hell is everyone smiling about?” she hissed.  
  
Owen blinked at her before giving his own grin, “must be your promotion,” he said.  
  
She rolled her eyes, there was something going on and she had less than no idea what it was. She supposed it could just be that everyone had decided to laugh at her rather than pity her. She grimaced inwardly.  
  
Admirals T’Mira, Hayes and Simons waited behind the curtain for her; each gave her a rather respectful nod when they saw her. She returned the gesture through gritted teeth and listened as they explained the process. She wasn’t expected to give any form of speech, though they encouraged her to consider doing so. They would begin with the accolades before moving on to the promotions and then they would announce the dismissal of charges. Only the senior-staff’s accolades and promotions would be mentioned, they would be here for a week if they attempted to go through the entire crew. They would, however, make special mention of the sheer volume of awards to be handed to the crew.  
  
Kathryn was glad for that, frankly if they praised the rest of the crew and left her out of it, all the better. Aside from the obvious reasons, she hadn’t thought about this kind of thing during their journey. She’d been far too preoccupied with fleeing the Borg, the Hirogen, the Malon, the Vidiians and every other malevolent, violent species they crossed paths with.  
  
The rest of the senior-staff began to filter back stage, chatting with each other. Kathryn avoided them as best she could, by forcing a rather uncomfortable conversation with Simons, positioned with her back to the room. Simons kept smiling, like everyone else. This was becoming aggravating.  
  
He seemed to know what she was doing and was more than happy to accommodate her – as well he should be. They managed to maintain their conversation as the senior-staff were all called to the stage. She gave him a rather thankful smile as her own name was called.  
  
She drew a deep, nervous breath before and headed onto the stage. Thankfully she didn’t need to stand too close to the rest of the senior-staff.  
  
Kathryn attempted to contain her surprise at seeing the Federation President seated on the other side of the stage, near Harry. The man gave her a fond smile and a nod as her eyes fell upon him, she returned the gesture in kind. Once she was settled, her eyes fixed on the doors at the back of the room, avoiding the eyes of those in the audience – their rather large audience.  
  
T’Mira began speaking to the hall, “though it has been nearly five weeks since the Voyager crew has returned home, Starfleet would like to officially welcome home Captain Kathryn Janeway and her crew,” she began.  
  
Kathryn gave a small obligatory smile as the audience clapped. She tried not to smirk as someone from the crew ‘whooped’, the loud noise travelling through the room sending a ripple of amusement through the crowd.  
  
“Today we will honour Voyager’s command staff in their marvellous efforts throughout the years. The crew have earned a large number of accolades throughout their journey. So many that we are unable to award them all, within this ceremony,” T’Mira continued.  
  
The Doctor and Seven were glossed over in quick succession. The Doctor, as far as Starfleet was concerned, was property of the Federation and therefore would not be praised in this ceremony. Though it delighted Kathryn when she had learned, Starfleet Medical would be hosting a function themselves, in the next week. At this event he was to be glamorously decorated for his breakthroughs and discoveries while in the Delta Quadrant. Seven received a small number of civilian awards for her services. Kathryn couldn’t help but frown; she deserved better than what Starfleet were giving her.  
  
T’Mira began to list some of Voyager’s overall accomplishments, the most first contacts of any crew to date, the most scientific discoveries, the most new technologies developed. The list went on, some of which surprised Kathryn, the most successful diplomatic missions for instance. She’d almost snorted at that remembering more than a few occasions where her diplomacy had been lacklustre, at best. Some of the details, the Admiral needed to gloss over as the events were still classified.  
  
Finally she finished and moved on to her senior-staff, beginning with Harry, who stepped forward, a proud grin lighting his face. His list of accomplishments was long. He received the Cochrane Award for his work in designing the transwarp engine in their second year. This was followed eight Medals of Exploration, three Silver Stars, half a dozen Bronze Stars and a cringe-worthy fifteen Purple Hearts. Kathryn watched as he was presented with the small badges, Admiral Patterson desperately trying to pin them to his chest as T’Mira read them out.  
  
She was surprised that they bothered to mention the purple hearts. They were for major injuries sustained in the line of duty, but normally there was no fuss, they just sent a ‘thank you’ mail and a pat on the back. Ninety percent of Starfleet officers had earned at least one in their career.  
  
Harry appeared overjoyed by the awards, but T’Mira wasn’t done. Harry also received the Starfleet Cross for his efforts in freeing the Voyager crew from the Hirogen. The entire senior-staff applauded enthusiastically as the medal was presented. The young man was almost in tears.  
  
Kathryn joined her senior-staff’s enthusiasm, clapping proudly for him, as he resumed his spot in the line. He appeared a little lop-sided with all of those stripes above his breast, but he was beaming enthusiastically.  
  
B’Elanna was next; she received a Cochrane Award for the transwarp drive, one for her advances in transwarp technology and _another_ for her advances in slipstream technology. Her face lit up _brilliantly_ as the third was pinned to her chest and she had tears in her eyes. With those awards she could basically name a job, in or out of Starfleet, and it would be hers. The young lieutenant also received ten Medals of Exploration, three Silver Stars, seven Bronze Stars and six Purple Hearts – a much more reasonable number.  
  
To Kathryn’s great joy, B’Elanna was also awarded the Starfleet Cross, for her involvement in the Unimatrix Zero incident. The engineer appeared stunned at the honour, though she shouldn’t have been surprised, few people volunteered to be assimilated by the Borg for a mission.  
  
The applause of the audience, and the senior-staff, caused the chief engineer to blush furiously as she resumed her spot in line.  
  
B’Elanna stared at the stripes on her chest, positively elated.  
  
Tom was next. He stepped forward and was presented with the Cochrane Award for his warp ten flight. He then received two Medals of Exploration, three Silver Stars, six Bronze Stars and five Purple Hearts.  
  
Kathryn watched delightedly as he also received the Starfleet Cross for his involvement in reclaiming Voyager from the Kazon. The young man appeared as overjoyed as his wife and they shared a beautiful, loving gaze.  
  
Though Tuvok was not present his awards were still listed. He received four Medals of Exploration, five Silver Stars, ten Bronze Stars, ten Purple Hearts and he too received the Starfleet Cross for Unimatrix zero.  
  
Chakotay’s awards were rather incredible. Along with nine Medals of Exploration, eight Silver Stars, twelve Bronze stars and eight Purple Hearts, he received the Starfleet Cross for putting himself at great risk to rescue the crew from Quarra. He was also granted the Starfleet Medal of Leadership for his actions against the Borg, during their first encounter.  
  
This put Chakotay in a very slim list of officers. There were very few people in Starfleet history who had earned both the Starfleet Cross and the Medal of Leadership. Kathryn smiled though she didn’t look at him.  
  
The applause from the crowd was astounding, though. Kathryn couldn’t believe the voracity with which the audience, mostly her crew, cheered. In her peripheral vision, Kathryn noticed Chakotay turning an incredible shade of red.  
  
She maintained her gaze at the back of the room as she was called forward. She attempted to keep her expression neutral, but she knew she probably looked nervous as hell.  
  
Kathryn, as Captain, would receive all of the exploration awards not claimed by a specific crew member, that number turned out to be one hundred and thirty nine. She stared, wide eyed at Admiral Patterson as he glanced at the box.  
  
“I hope you don’t mind, but I’m not pinning all of these to your chest,” he said.  
  
Chakotay laughed lightly and Kathryn gave a fond smile. “No, Admiral, thank you,” she responded.  
  
Her personal awards included twelve Silver Stars and Thirty Bronze Stars. She cringed before Admiral T’Mira read out the number of Purple Hearts. She had no idea the exact number, but she knew it would outshine the nearest crew member by a good margin. As it turned out she’d ‘collected’ _twenty eight_ of the damn things. From her side and from the front of the aisle she could feel the eyes of her senior-staff and her mother drilling into her. She must have looked rather uncomfortable, because Admiral Patterson smirked.  
  
_What’s done is done_ , she thought, maybe they wouldn’t bring it up – _maybe_.  
  
The next award came as a shock, the Starfleet Medal of Valour for the incident with the macrovirus. Somehow she managed not to gape as the medal was presented to her in a small box and the stripe placed in line. Before she could stop herself, her eyes flicked to the box and she gave a small frown, unsure that she actually deserved such an honour. Next, she was presented with the Starfleet Cross for Unimatrix Zero and then, surprisingly, two Medals of Diplomacy for forging a tentative peace with the Hirogen and Species 8472. She’d hardly had a choice with the Hirogen, but species 8472 had been just as much Chakotay’s doing, as hers.  
  
The applause from the hall didn’t quite equal that of Chakotay’s, which was fair. She wouldn’t have it any other way. That should have been an indicator of what would come soon, but Kathryn was too stunned by her awards to think about the reasoning for the ‘subdued’ cheering. None of the things she had done in the Delta Quadrant had been for the praise.  
  
T’Mira wasted no time proceeding with the affair. Admiral Paris walked up onto the stage and moved up to Harry as the Vulcan announced their promotions. Harry skipped a grade earning the rank lieutenant, senior grade. He appeared over the moon as Owen pinned the pip to his collar.  
  
B’Elanna beamed as she received lieutenant commander’s pips. Owen replaced the field commission bar on her neck and once he finished she touched them almost reverently. Kathryn hadn’t expected the young woman to be so proud of her position in Starfleet. Honestly, she hadn’t been sure B’Elanna would even stay in Starfleet.  
  
The Vulcan Admiral continued her announcements, prefacing each promotion with, ‘for strength and grace under pressure,’ or ‘for astounding advancements in the field of –’  
  
Owen proceeded to his son next. His proud and affectionate gaze seemed to catch the younger man’s breath in his lungs. He stood to attention as his father removed the field commission and replaced it with the lieutenant commander’s pips. She thought, briefly, that might be it, but Tom broke and pulled his father into a hug, earning a resounding ‘aw’ from the audience.  
  
Kathryn smiled at the exchange feeling a depth of pride Owen must be feeling. Tom had grown so much since Voyager’s journey began and that had never been more evident than this moment.  
  
Next to her, Chakotay drew a deep, nervous breath as Owen moved to him next. “Congratulations, Captain,” Owen said, quietly as he removed the field commission. Chakotay smiled, sincerely honoured as four new pips were added to his collar.  
  
The new Captain nodded his thanks, seemingly speechless.  
  
Kathryn couldn’t help but wonder where his commission would take him. Starfleet would be fools not to assign him a Starship. _Would he take Voyager?_ She didn’t really want to think about him leaving Earth, while she was still stuck here.  
  
Owen moved to her next and gave her a grand smile, exuding all the pride and happiness she had felt for her own crew’s promotions. “Congratulations, Katie,” he spoke as he removed her four pips, replacing them with the vice-admiral’s bar. Her stomach seemed to be doing barrel rolls and she realised, once again, that she was shaking.  
  
“Thank you, Owen,” Kathryn whispered in response.  
  
Suddenly the air from those on stage became, well, the best way to describe it, was odd. Chakotay, B’Elanna, Seven, Harry and Tom all gave her small smiles, that same smile she had seen on a number of faces earlier. She ignored them as best she could as T’Mira spoke once again.  
  
“After a long review of the charges presented against Vice-Admiral Janeway, the Review Board has come to the unanimous decision not to pursue criminal proceedings for actions taken in the Delta Quadrant. All formal charges against Admiral Janeway had been dropped.” The audience cheered, this time with far more conviction than for her accolades.  
  
Someone had done an interview, maybe multiple people. It explained the idiotic grins she was receiving from her senior-staff. It didn’t explain the other smiles she’d seen, though. She had a hard time stilling her irritation, her eyes flicked to Simons and she gave him a venomous glare – he had the good grace to flinch before she returned her gaze to the back wall.  
  
Those charges shouldn’t be dropped, who was going to give justice to the Ankari, 8472, those assimilated by the Borg? She couldn’t _believe_ Starfleet’s flippant disregard for their own rules.  
  
She must have looked terribly angry; her eyes darted down to Phoebe who clutched their mother as though for protection. She’d have smiled at that, if she wasn’t _livid_. Her jaw was beginning to hurt and she realised she’d clenched it. She had a strong urge to put her hands on her hips but remained at parade.  
  
T’Mira began to talk about Voyager’s accomplishments in the Delta Quadrant listing a few of their encounters that were not classified or had been declassified. Kathryn tuned her out as she focussed on her irritation.  
  
_Who the hell did the interview?_ She’d gut them.  
  
Her mind flicked to her earlier thoughts of a prison cell in New Zealand and she had to swallow past a lump in her throat. She – she was angry! A little relieved, but _still_ angry! She could be relieved and angry at the same time!  
  
The hall laughed and Kathryn blinked, she hadn’t heard a word that had been said. Those on her senior-staff all glanced down as though embarrassed.  
  
T’Mira was a Vulcan; she couldn’t have said anything too funny. Kathryn gave a half smile that she hoped would pass for the appropriate reaction.  
  
It turned her stomach that the Ankari would not find their justice. Perhaps, though, their justice had been met when Ransom had died. As for the remainder of the charges – well, she guessed they would have to be her burden to bear. She gave a solemn and distant frown at that thought.  
  
She almost thought T’Mira was finished when another round of applause sounded from the crowd. That was, until the President stood and took the podium.  
  
She’d thought him merely there as a figurehead, a show of ‘solidarity’ with the Voyager crew. He’s smile turned to her for a breath before he began to speak.  
  
“There is one award that I have the great pleasure of being the only person in the Federation, able to bestow,” he began with a charismatic grin.  
  
The audience chuckled lightly.  
  
Kathryn felt a confused expression fall onto her face. The one award only the President could present – the Medal of Honour? They had basically covered all of the exceptional feats the Voyager crew had performed in the earlier presentation.  
  
She didn’t notice the soft smiles and the proud glances she was receiving from her senior-staff.  
  
“During Voyager’s seven years in the Delta Quadrant they dealt not one, not two, but _three_ major blows to the Borg,” the President continued.  
  
Seven couldn’t receive the Medal of Honour, she wasn’t enlisted in Starfleet. Kathryn resisted the urge to scratch her head as she frowned pensively at the far door.  
  
“On one of these occasions a team, led by, then, Captain Janeway thwarted a major threat to Earth,” he continued.  
  
Kathryn finally caught on. As the President said her name her entire crew, those on stage and those in the audience, stood to attention. She had to swallow, they’d known - _was that what all the smiles were for?_  
  
Her heart swelled with, what felt, an undeserved pride. Her eyes were stinging and she was having a rather difficult time keeping her face from crumbling.  
  
“It is my great honour,” the President began, pulling another ornate box out, “to present Vice-Admiral Janeway the Starfleet Medal of Honour, for excellence in service through seven years in the Delta Quadrant. For thwarting a major Borg threat against Earth and for her dedication to duty throughout Voyager’s time, stranded. As the Captain of Voyager, she was always so willing to put her life on the line for her principles, her crew and for the Federation, I cannot think of another, more deserving candidate.”  
  
Seven had told Kathryn about the Borg Queen’s plot to modify nano-probes for a biogenic weapon. Their intention had been to detonate the weapon within Earth’s atmosphere assimilating the entirety of Earth’s Human population in one short and relatively painless (for the Borg) engagement. Kathryn couldn‘t recall adding the knowledge to her own report, Seven must have.  
  
She thought she should probably step forward, but her legs ignored her. An immediate thread of self-doubt passed through her mind as she began to wonder whether she had indeed earned this incredible honour or it had been presented to her for more publicity. There were dozens of holocamera flashes from the back of the hall and she had only now, just noticed a camera crew to the side of the room.  
  
The hall erupted in applause as the President moved toward her and presented the Medal, a field of sky blue with a crescent of five stars; one for each of the Federation’s founding members.  
  
She trembled as she took the box and shook his hand. Her breathing had become stilted and she stared at the dark wooden panelling, insulated with deep purple velvet.  
  
The President presented his hand, despite her stunned state she managed to take it and receive his congratulations. Another deafening round applause rose throughout the hall and she received a standing ovation from the room, those he hadn’t already been standing.  
  
She met the President’s eyes and gave a weak smile, “Thank you, sir,” she managed.  
  
The man withdrew, back to his seat as T’Mira resumed her position at the podium. She began to speak again, but Kathryn was far too stunned her hear a word.  
  
After only a few words the audience began to clap again and her senior-staff began to walk from the stage from the other exit. She followed cautiously, still uncertain whether her legs would do their jobs.  
  
She was not expected to give any statements today, they may ask her to give a speech tonight, but for now she wanted to get back home, she needed to think. She needed to find out who had given that damn interview.  
  
When she descended the stairs a young security officer moved up to her, “Admiral, I’m to take the bio-tag out,” he informed her.  
  
With a lop-sided grin she presented her neck and he tapped a hypospray to the spot with the small implant. There was a slight stinging sensation as it was drawn from her and she rubbed at the spot happily.  
  
Her senior-staff were busy congratulating each other, so she slipped past them while they were distracted. She promised herself that she would make it up to them tonight and congratulate each of them thoroughly. In all likelihood she was in for a rather big night. For now though, she wanted to know who to yell at, who to thank for saving her stubborn hide.


	6. A Rose by Any Other Name

Chakotay followed Kathryn from a few meters, she was so focussed in her goal to get away that she hadn’t noticed him. When she entered the transporter room he waited fifteen seconds before bursting through the door. She’d already been transported of course.  
  
“I’m with Admiral Janeway,” he told the young woman at the transport station.  
  
The woman blinked at him, “oh, sir – of – of course,” her face lit into a knowing smirk and he thought she might wink at him. She didn’t, thank god.  
  
He headed to the transporter pad and smiled casually as she set the targeting scanners and transported him away. He arrived in a corridor just outside apartment 1a, in a complex somewhere. He grinned and glanced around before turning from the door, heading toward the street outside.  
  
He had watched Kathryn’s reaction when her charges had been dropped and knew immediately that she had no idea any of the crew who had given interviews. Knowing her better than anyone in the galaxy, he realised that the moment she returned home she’d try to find out who had done the interview and what they’d said. He wasn’t the only person to have completed an interview now. B’Elanna, Seven and The Doctor had all agreed after finding out about Starfleet’s proposal. Tom, Harry, Icheb and the Delaney’s were all going to be interviewed tomorrow night, apparently, followed by more groups over the next week.  
  
If he knew her like he thought he did, she would watch his interview first. Chronologically he had been the first, though surely it would be the title that grabbed her interest. ‘Commander Chakotay bares all.’  
  
His interview had lasted for about an hour which would hopefully give him enough time to figure out where the hell he was, go home, get his gift and get back with plenty of time to ready for tonight’s function. He glanced around the street outside spotting a sign for the transport terminal. Each transport terminal had the name of the city or town they were located in, written on the outside of the building; a convenience for tourists, drunks and love-struck officers who followed their Admiral to her hiding place, to surprise her with romantic overtures.  
  
The station, thankfully, lay very close to the apartment block, the town name ‘Appleton, Wisconsin,’ printed conveniently above the doors. He smiled with the realisation that she’d been ‘just across the lake’ this whole time.  
  
He entered and moved up to the transport officer. The pinch-faced young man gave a start when he entered and practically saluted, “sir, where can I send you, sir?”  
  
Chakotay grinned before giving his sister’s address in Michigan. He stepped up to the pad and the young man teleported him right way.  
  
There were reporters at the front gate; there were _always_ reporters at the front gate. He ignored their attempts to get a rise and proceeded past them with a broad smile. Today, he would make everything better and no one was going to take that from him.  
  
Entering the house he glanced around looking for signs of his sister, “Sekaya?” he asked.  
  
There was no answer, she wasn’t home yet. That made sense; she would have needed to collect her car. _How long would she take_ , he wondered. He would need her to get him to the transport station again, he wasn’t about to walk the hour and a half to the transport station with his gift; especially not with the damn reporters.  
  
He would worry about that later, if worse came to worse he could call in a favour.  
  
Carefully glancing out the back to make sure the reporters weren’t skulking around he made the mad dash to the garage and retrieved the newly finished work. He stared at it with a mix of pride and apprehension. What if she didn’t like it? He had crafted each flower with delicate care, but that wasn’t exactly what this gift was about. This gift was a release. With luck she would understand the deeper significance, with luck she would finally let go of the guilt that had been clouding her for _so many_ years.  
  
He draped a cloth over his creation and carried it back to the house just in time to hear the door slam closed.  
  
Sekaya smiled at him when her eyes fell on his burden. “Now?” she asked.  
  
The meandered breath he drew seemed to release all of his fears, all of his anger and frustration from the past few months. As he exhaled he saw only one thing in his mind, Kathryn, the woman he had loved for seven years, the woman he had promised to stand by and the woman he hoped to marry.  
  
“Now,” he agreed with a grin.  
  
“You know where she is?” Sekaya added a second later.  
  
He nodded, “yes.”  
  
“The reporters are going to follow you to the station,” she reminded him. “Especially if you’re carrying that,” she added.  
  
He glanced down at his gift, “I need something better to wrap it in,” he realised, aloud.  
  
She frowned at him, “yes; that will make it less conspicuous.”  
  
The cloth he had used to cover the flowers was one he used to polish his work, a ragged old dirty scrap of material. Perhaps she was right, but he didn’t want to give it to Kathryn like this.  
  
With the shake of his head, he preceded to the replicator, “computer, one length of silk cloth, two meters square, maroon,” he requested.  
  
The bolt appeared and he wrapped it around the vase, pulling it up over the flowers he tied a small, loose knot at the top, with the four ends.  
  
“Well, it looks better. Good luck not drawing every reporter in the Federation on top of you with that,” she commented.  
  
He smiled, “I might be able to call in a favour.”  
  
She gave him a curious look.  
  
“Just – be ready,” he told her, before moving to the comm panel.  
  
Sekaya shrugged and motioned to herself, still jacketed and holding her handbag, “ready as I’ll ever be.”  
  
Chakotay grinned at her before glancing through the database; he tapped B’Elanna’s name and a moment later Tom’s face appeared on the screen. He appeared to be midway through doing up a bow tie and cradling his daughter, who stared at the ceiling with infantile interest.  
  
“Chakotay, what can I do for you?” he grunted.  
  
Chakotay grinned, “is B’Elanna available? I need a favour,” he said.  
  
“ _B’Elanna!_ ” Tom called out, causing young Miral to jump and stare at him, wide eyed, as though he’d grown horns.  
  
“Thanks Tom,” Chakotay laughed.  
  
The young man gave him a lop-sided grin before tugging at the bow-tie again, “no wonder she told me to get ready this early,” he commented, “it’ll be an hour after the party, before I finally get this damn thing tied,” he griped.  
  
“Well, if you’re late I’ll let everyone know why,” Chakotay joked.  
  
“At least make it sound dignified, will you? I don’t need Harry trying to teach me how to tie one of these damn things!” Tom said with a frustrated gesture to the cloth around his neck.  
  
“You got it, how about – delayed in traffic?” Chakotay posed.  
  
Tom laughed, “seven years in the Delta Quadrant, now stuck in traffic on Earth. That’s rather –” he grunted as he wrestled with the fabric again, “fitting,” he choked.  
  
“I’ll blame the Devore,” Chakotay told him.  
  
Tom gave a small laugh, “or the Voth, the Borg, whoever.” He glanced over his shoulder again, “B’Elanna?” he called out again.  
  
“Coming!” his wife’s voice replied from somewhere in the house.  
  
“Better late than never, I guess,” Tom joked as B’Elanna ran out smiling at the screen.  
  
“What can I do for you, Chakotay?” she asked.  
  
She too had decided to get ready early it appeared; she wore a slim-fitting blue dress and was brushing her wet hair.  
  
“I need a favour, well actually, I need a distraction,” he said with a grin.  
  
“What kind of a distraction?” B’Elanna asked, staring at the screen with a small frown.  
  
“The kind that’ll drag the reporters away from Sekaya’s house for a little while,” he told her. He gave her a grin.  
  
She frowned, “you know, I _just_ heard a rumour that Seven of Nine was seen in downtown Los Angeles shopping for wedding dresses. Oh, and what’s _that?_ Admiral Janeway is _helping her!_ ” she said with a grin. “It’ll be on every reporter’s PADD in ten minutes, I don’t know how long it’ll hold them for, though.” Any news of Kathryn or Seven had the vultures salivating; he would bet everyone on the planet, with a holocamera, would be there in minutes.  
  
“Perfect,” he agreed happily.  
  
“You know, Chakotay, we’re supposed to be responsible Starfleet officers now, they don’t tend to hack into communications channels,” Tom commented over B’Elanna’s shoulder.  
  
She scoffed and pushed him to the side with the small shake of her head.  
  
“I won’t tell, if you don’t,” Chakotay replied.  
  
“As long as Harry never finds out about the tie, we’re good,” the pilot agreed with a grin. He had given up on the tie now and stood bobbing up and down for his daughter.  
  
“Before I let you go B’Elanna, I have one last thing to ask,” Chakotay said with a genuine smile.  
  
The couple listened gleefully before B’Elanna happily agreed. They signed off after another minute or so, “good luck,” they said in unison. The screen went blank and Chakotay sniffed an impressed laugh.  
  
Sekaya smiled at him from her position by the front door.  
  
“Anything yet?” Chakotay asked feeling suddenly anxious.  
  
She drew the curtains aside and peeked behind them, “hmm, they’re interested in _something_ ,” Sekaya commented. He approached her side and peeked through the curtains. The dozen men and women camped outside were all glancing at their PADDs. Two of them raced toward a pair of hover cars parked along the side of the road.  
  
Chakotay smiled at his sister.  
  
A moment later a couple more dashed off, leaving three reporters, all of whom glanced between the road and Sekaya’s house.  
  
“Take the bait, you idiots,” Sekaya snapped quietly.  
  
Chakotay smirked at her and shook his head.  
  
“Well – they are,” she grumbled.  
  
“Hey, you’ll get no argument here,” he agreed. “If I’d known they were going to be this bad when we got back, I’d have stayed in the Delta Quadrant.”  
  
Sekaya gave him a horrified look, “don’t even _joke!_ ” she said punching him in the arm.  
  
He chuckled as he rubbed the spot.  
  
The last reporters darted for their cars, “thank you, B’Elanna,” Chakotay said. Sekaya’s eyes followed his and she gave a brilliant grin.  
  
“They’ve all gone to the local station, how about we take the Portage station?” Sekaya posed.  
  
Chakotay nodded, the Portage station was half an hour’s drive away, but the town was small, he doubted he’d run into any reporters there.  
  
Sekaya opened the door and peeked tentatively around, “I think we’re clear,” she whispered.  
  
With a grin Chakotay grabbed his gift and they headed out, toward Sekaya’s car.

*****

When the door chimed Kathryn knew exactly who it would be.  
  
She proceeded to the door and drew a deep, calming breath before opening it.  
  
He stood there, a beautiful, dimpled smile lighting his face. Not for the first time, she wanted to reach up and run a finger across those stunning cheeks, pull him close and lose herself in his embrace. But they had words to say first. So many words, no matter how this went, though, she wasn’t letting him leave again.  
  
“Can I come in, Kathryn?” he asked.  
  
Kathryn blinked a couple of times and stepped back, motioning for him to enter. _You’re doing great, Kathryn, just fantastic._  
  
“Chakotay,” she breathed. The word was barely audible and she couldn’t think of what to add. She scrambled trying to form the correct sentence to convey everything she was feeling.  
  
“Before you say anything, Kathryn, let me tell you a story,” he came to her rescue once again.  
  
“Is it another Ancient Legend?” she asked, before she could stop herself. She felt the broad grin tugging her lips  
  
He gave a small laugh and shook his head. This was the first moment she noticed that he was holding something. Her eyes flicked to the maroon bundle curiously. “No, it’s not an Ancient Legend,” he replied. He held the bundle out, “my story is about Trebus.”  
  
She took the package and placed it on the table as she began to work on the knot at the top.  
  
He spoke as she plucked at the fabric; the soft cadence of his voice drawing her in, calming her, as it had always done.  
  
“There’s a memorial on Trebus,” he explained, “of a metal flower, a native flower. Each petal represents one of the colonies destroyed by the Cardassians, and each petal has the name of every person in that colony, that was killed,” he told her.  
  
She met his gaze with a solemn frown as the silk came loose in her hands. The maroon fabric slipped to the sides of a beautifully crafted, wooden vase, holding twelve roses, carved in a rich red wood; mahogany, she guessed. Her heart seemed to do a flip in her chest as she lifted the first flower out. Each petal on each flower was carved with a name.  
  
“Chakotay,” she whispered, “you didn’t die in the Delta Quadrant,” she managed, tracing his name on the petal with a finger.  
  
“Those aren’t the names of the dead, Kathryn,” he responded softly. He took a tentative step toward her, “those are the names of every person you brought back alive,” he told her.  
  
She stared at the flowers in her hands as she silently read the names to herself. Utterly stunned and moved beyond words, her hands began to shake. Tears stung her eyes as she examined each exquisitely carved flower.  
  
“Every person on those flowers owes their life to you,” he added, “and they’d gladly give it.”  
  
The flood gates opened and she had to bury her face in her hands. She hadn’t cried since she returned. “They’re beautiful,” she wept.  
  
She felt a hand touch her shoulder delicately, “you need to remember the good you did out there, we never would have gotten home without you, in the Captain’s chair,” he soothed her.  
  
“I’m so sorry, Chakotay,” she sobbed.  
  
“Kathryn, it’s ok,” he replied.  
  
“No, Chakotay, I mean – I’m sorry for the other night, for Voyager – for everything,” she blubbered.  
  
He pulled her close and held her in his arms, “no, Kathryn, I’m sorry,” he too was sobbing. “I made a promise and I broke it,” he told her.  
  
She pushed away and held him at arms-length, shaking her head, “no, I should never have expected you to wait, it was selfish and -”  
  
“I knew how you felt, I was selfish,” he interrupted.  
  
She let out a small, sobbed laugh, “let’s just agree that we were both selfish or we’ll never finish this conversation”.  
  
His smile, in response, brightened the room, “alright, it’s a deal. We were both selfish.”  
  
“And stupid!” she added quickly.  
  
He chuckled, “and stupid,” he pulled her into an embrace again and she held on for dear life.  
  
“And foolish,” she muttered into his shoulder.  
  
“And scared,” he added.  
  
“Hey!” Kathryn pulled away again and met his eyes, “watch who you’re talking about,” she griped. She wiped her face as best as she could, though she didn’t doubt she looked like a mess. Chakotay looked fantastic though, as always.  
  
“I forgot, the great Kathryn Janeway doesn’t experience fear,” Chakotay responded.  
  
“Oh, that’s not true,” she objected. “You’ve met my mother haven’t you?”  
  
He gave a nervous laugh, “I have – she certainly is -”  
  
“Intimidating,” Kathryn finished for him.  
  
He gave a thankful smile, “yes, half the time I’m not certain whether she’s going to hit me or hug me.”  
  
“Don’t worry, neither am I,” she told him.  
  
“And that _gaze_ ,” Chakotay continued.  
  
“The one that tells you, she knows _all_ of your secrets, yes I know the one,” she laughed.  
  
“And I honestly believe she does,” he joked.  
  
“I wish I’d learned that one for the Delta Quadrant, it would have made life _much_ simpler,” she chuckled.  
  
Chakotay grinned in response, “I take back my earlier statement, if your mother had been the Captain of Voyager I have the feeling we’d have been home long ago.”  
  
She smirked, “are you kidding? If my mother had been the Captain of Voyager, the Caretaker wouldn’t have _dared_ die on her.”  
  
He laughed, “you’re probably right,” he agreed. His face became rather serious; as though he was thinking on it further, “is she – going to be ok with -” he motioned between them with a hand.  
  
Kathryn couldn’t help but raise a brow. They hadn’t’ exactly discussed this yet _themselves_. “I think before worrying about her reaction to anything we should probably – talk about it ourselves,” she pointed out.  
  
He gave a rather distressed look and dropped his arms, as though burned. Kathryn didn’t let go, though.  
  
“Do you think some _grand_ romantic gesture,” she motioned to the incredible gift on the table, “and getting my court-martial dropped, is enough to sweep me off my feet?” she teased.  
  
Thankfully he sensed her tone and smiled, apparently relieved, “I figured my charm and good looks would be enough, those other things are just a bonus.”  
  
She grinned removing her right hand from his shoulder, to place over his heart. “Chakotay,” she whispered, “you kept me alive out there,” she told him wistfully. “I meant what I said in the restaurant, I do love you,” she told him. “Though I am annoyed at you for doing that interview, for them,” she added with a frown.  
  
He drew a deep breath, “I didn’t do it for _them_ , Kathryn,” he told her, “I love you.” He placed a hand over one of hers and delicately caressed across her thumb.  
  
Her heart leapt at his words, she felt as though she was in a freefall. Though she’d heard him say the words during his interview, there was something powerfully seductive and intimate about the way he spoke them now. Almost as though the words held more meaning for him than they ever would for another living being.  
  
He caressed her cheek with the back of his finger, before lifting her chin, but she put a hand up urgently, stopping him from kissing her. The shocked look on his face spoke volumes, she had to explain.  
  
“Chakotay,” she began, “we only have an hour and a half until the reception, if I kiss you now, there is no _way_ we’ll make it out the door.”  
  
He breathed a laugh, “that is why you’re the Admiral and I the lowly Captain,” he joked, “always thinking ten steps ahead.” His smile faded and he grimaced, “I didn’t bring anything to wear, may I borrow your replicator?”  
  
“Well, that was silly,” she commented. His brow furrowed in a silent agreement. “You certainly should have expected to stay the night – at least.” He smiled again looking a little embarrassed, but they also held some amount of relief. Did he think she’d actually turn him away now?  
  
She smiled, “my replicator is your replicator,” she motioned toward it and moved toward her tiny room to get ready.  
  
He nodded his thanks and gave her a lingering look, before she closed the door.  
  
Somehow they both managed to get ready without throwing themselves at each other. This, for Kathryn, posed quite a challenge, though she felt that it would be worth the wait. The dress was formal, non-uniform. Chakotay wore a striking tux that Kathryn wanted to tear from his body. She wore a knee-length forest green dress with matching shawl. _She_ had pulled her hair into a tail again. Chakotay had always loved her hair like this.  
  
As they were ready to depart he offered his elbow and she looped her arm through his. His hand rested on hers and the world felt right, once again.

*****

The room stirred and Phoebe glanced up toward the door with a smile. She nudged her mother who gave her a small smile, “I told you,” she whispered.  
  
“Actually,” Sekaya interjected, “I told you,” she pointed out, through a sip of Champaign.  
  
“They still have a long way to go,” her mother commented.  
  
Phoebe rolled her eyes, “yes, marriage and babies, lots of babies,” she joked, to _keep_ you _busy_ , she added in thought, at her mother.  
  
Katie and Chakotay were a hit, dozens of Voyager crew members and their families moved up to congratulate them. For the first time since her return Katie was smiling, _truly_ smiling. Phoebe had to wonder whether she’d ever truly smiled while she was in the Delta Quadrant.  
  
Phoebe glanced at her mother, interested in following her cue. They hadn’t spoken to Katie since their fight and Phoebe wasn’t exactly certain how they might go about doing that. There were _many_ apologies owed, all around. Phoebe had been close to Katie since her arrival and hadn’t thought to ask about counselling. Katie of course had yelled – a lot, and their mother – well, she was their mother so she’d probably forgo any apologies.  
  
They watched as the couple were barely able to take a step without being mobbed by a dozen people, eager to pass on their congratulations. Katie glanced up and met Phoebe’s eyes for a heart-stopping second. Her eyes softened and she nodded. That was all Phoebe needed, but she knew Katie would make a large fuss over her apology.  
  
After a few minutes Katie and Chakotay finally pushed through to where they stood. Katie took her mother’s hands, “I’m so sorry, mom,” she breathed.  
  
Her mother pulled Katie into a hug, “I know, Katie, I know,” she whispered.  
  
Phoebe shook her head, the woman was encourageable.  
  
After a short embrace her mother whispered, “Welcome home, Katie and congratulations.”  
  
“So, how’d you do it?” Phoebe asked Chakotay who stood awkwardly to the side.  
  
He glanced around as though looking for a way to escape.  
  
“Wow, you really do bolt at the first sign of trouble,” Phoebe joked with a grin.  
  
Katie’s hand left her mother and without even looking up she smacked Phoebe’s arm sharply. “Ow, Katie. Gees!” She exclaimed.  
  
“You don’t have to answer that,” Katie spoke through her hug.  
  
Chakotay gave an appreciative smile.  
  
“In fact, you don’t have to talk to my sister at all,” she added.  
  
“What?” Phoebe griped, “Come on.”  
  
Katie pulled away locking eyes with their mother in a genuine and warming smile. Phoebe thought they may just stand that way for the rest of the night, but after only a minute or so Katie grabbed her and pulled her into a hug.  
  
“I’m sorry, Phoebe,” she said.  
  
“I’m sorry too, Katie, I should have known,” she added, aware just how many prying ears there might be around. She would hate to alienate her sister again, blurting out that she’d needed counselling.  
  
“And congratulations on your pile of medals,” she added quietly, “well, half of them at least,” the thought of all those Purple Hearts _astounded_ her. She knew her sister was reckless, but obviously had no idea the lengths she would go to.  
  
Their mother watched on with a fond smile, before she turned the Chakotay. Phoebe held her breath all too aware that Katie hadn’t yet noticed.  
  
“Do you _really_ love her?” she asked in a rather forthright manner.  
  
Katie pulled away so fast she might just win another medal for it. Before she could tear more shreds in their relationship, though, Phoebe came to the rescue, “I know _I_ make public declarations of love for everyone _I_ meet,” she joked.  
  
Her mother eyed her sideways, before returning her gaze on the poor Captain.  
  
“Yes, I do, and I have done for a long time,” he answered honestly. He and Katie locked eyes as he spoke. He did not keep his tone low, hell, the man practically shouted it.  
  
Despite the fact that this was all quite new, there was no sniggering of former Voyager crew members, no quiet gossiping in the corner. They took it in their stride, hell, some of them were swooning. Perhaps Phoebe had underestimated their connection aboard Voyager? The entire crew obviously seemed to have felt it.  
  
Sekaya, the sap, beamed and put her head on her brother’s shoulder.  
  
Chakotay and Katie still held one another’s gaze as if they were the only people in the room. Phoebe supposed, from their perspective that was probably quite accurate. Nevertheless, she was always one to spoil a perfect moment, she clicked her fingers in between them a couple of times, “Earth to love-birds,” she said.  
  
Her mother rolled her eyes.  
  
“Phoebe, how did you ever marry James?” Sekaya asked.  
  
“No one else would _have_ him,” she joked, though she felt it a little harsh, since he wasn’t there to defend himself.  
  
“Or, no one else would have _you_ ,” Katie joked with a wry grin.  
  
Phoebe feigned insult and pushed her sister’s shoulder, “and I was willing to forgive you.”  
  
Before Katie could respond someone tapped her on the shoulder. Their group turned to face that stuffy Admiral who had been sitting next to T’Mira. The man wore a smile of all things, it didn’t suit him at all and she was half tempted to ask him to put it away.  
  
“Admiral Hayes,” Katie said, becoming suddenly business-like.  
  
“Admiral Janeway,” he responded, just as formally. “May I speak with you, for a moment,” he requested.  
  
Katie glanced at the group before returning his gaze to the man. She nodded and he began to walk her away from the group to ‘chat’.  
  
Chakotay’s gaze followed her until she was out of sight, he then turned to Gretchen, “I have a question that I’d like to ask,” he said.  
  
Phoebe exchanged a grin with Sekaya who winked. He certainly knew how to party.  
  
“Yes, Chakotay, please marry my daughter,” her mother responded, sounding a little exasperated.  
  
His eyes lit up and he gave a rather handsomely dimpled grin. Man, those dimples! How the hell had Katie resisted over the years? Or, more importantly, what the hell was _wrong_ with her?  
  
“Tonight?” Chakotay asked.  
  
This set Gretchen back. Phoebe gave a small smile, before burying her face in her glass.  
  
“Well now, I guess _that_ is up to Katie, some of your Voyager crew aren’t here, though,” Gretchen pointed out.  
  
“Oh, I have my best engineer on that,” he responded with a fond look in B’Elanna’s direction. The woman stood near a stand of monitors, playing with a PADD as though interfacing.  
  
“Was Admiral Hayes dragging Katie away your doing, as well?” Phoebe asked.  
  
Chakotay smiled, “I asked B’Elanna to distract her, so, probably. She’s a remarkably resourceful woman.”  
  
Phoebe wasn’t certain whether Katie would love this or hate this. It was something she _knew_ Katie wanted. Whatever happened tonight it was certainly going to be entertaining.  
  
She patted Chakotay on the arm in a supportive manner. Hopefully he wasn’t about to sign his death certificate.

*****

Kathryn waited patiently for Admiral Hayes to find a spot away from the crowds, she wasn’t entirely too sure what this was all about, but she sensed a difference in the air the moment she moved away. Something was afoot, was Hayes a part of it?  
  
“Kathryn, I wanted to, first congratulate you on your accomplishments, in the Delta Quadrant,” he began. She noticed his eyes dart to the back of the room. Yes, he was part of ‘it’.  
  
“Thank you, sir,” she responded. She’d never been much a fan of the man, especially since the letter she’d received asking about the ‘Maquis’ situation little over a year ago.  
  
“The second reason I wanted to talk to you was, with your promotion, you will need to figure out what kind of role you would like to assume within Starfleet,” he said.  
  
His words had layers to them, he wasn’t just asking what position she’d like to fill when she returned to active duty, he was basically asking what role she saw herself in, in years to come. She raised a brow at him curiously, “I guess I’m at Starfleet’s disposal for the time being,” she tested.  
  
He gave a small smile, “ultimately, Admiral, Starfleet thinks you would be a great asset to the diplomatic corps, intelligence or security,” he told her.  
  
She kept her expression neutral, though she had little interest in those fields. “I’ve honestly never been much of a diplomat,” she objected lightly.  
  
He smirked, “said the woman with the most first contacts of anyone in Federation history, _by a long margin_ ,” he replied.  
  
She frowned remembering the all too numerous occasions her ‘diplomatic skills’ had done little for Voyager’s wellbeing. She certainly thought the Tac Tac would object to her being named a diplomat.  
  
“As for intelligence and security, I’m not sure I have the - patience for either field,” she added as tactfully as she could manage. Intelligence would be another high stress job that would certainly test her patience, security might be just as highly stressful, but she wagered it would become rather boring, rather quickly.  
  
“To be honest,” Hayes began, “I told T’Mira you wouldn’t be interested,” he said.  
  
She gave him a surprised smile, “oh?”  
  
“I figured that you might like something a bit – closer to home,” he said with a grin, obviously deciding that his choice of wording was quite funny. “Like, heading up a team to study the data Voyager brought back?”  
  
_Oh yes, how droll._  
  
“You know, I think that might just be the perfect role for me,” she agreed, with a grin.  
  
He nodded with a genuine smile, “consider it yours, after your –” he paused and winced as though he’d been about so say the wrong thing. “After your holiday,” he finished after a second.  
  
Kathryn stared at him mimicking her mother’s, ‘I know your secret,’ glare and he shifted uncomfortably.  
  
“I think Admiral Paris wanted to talk to you,” he spoke quickly, all but pushing her in Owen’s direction.  
  
Owen stood toward the head of the hall chatting with Chakotay. The difference she had noticed earlier seemed to have intensified now. She could swear everyone had their eyes on her, though when she glanced around, everyone appeared to be happily conversing amongst themselves.  
  
Kathryn was keenly observant, which was _probably_ why T’Mira had pegged her for intelligence. Her astute senses noticed a few things as she made her way toward Owen and Chakotay. The people in the room were indeed conversing amongst themselves, but they were all facing the direction she was headed. The five large panels on the side of the room now all displayed the Federation logo, as though someone was about to open a subspace channel, say, to the five members of Voyager who hadn’t been able to attend this evening’s festivities.  
  
Chakotay met her eyes as she approached and with one look she knew. He was about to propose, in front of the entire, damn room. She desperately wanted to know how he’d managed to convince Hayes to be part of the plan.  
  
When she came close enough, Chakotay took her hands gently and gave one of his irresistible grins. She returned the smile hoping to convey that she was going to say, ‘yes’.  
  
“Kathryn,” he began. His voice was rather quiet, she wasn’t certain even _Owen_ , who stood a couple of feet back now, would be able to hear.  
  
She wanted to say something in response, but found that her voice had returned to the Delta Quadrant, for the time being.  
  
“Marry me, Kathryn,” he whispered.  
  
Suddenly her senses were too busy focussed on her swooning to notice that their audience wouldn’t have been able to hear his words, or that the monitors on the side of the room still displayed the Federation logo.  
  
She nodded, “yes, ok,” she responded, finally finding her voice.  
  
His gorgeous dimples showed again before he glanced over her shoulder and nodded at someone.  
  
The last couple of seconds replayed in her mind and she blinked uncertain, “what, _now?_ ” she asked.  
  
Chakotay’s brow rose and his eyes flicked to Owen, “well, not to put a downer on the occasion, but your luck with fiancés is lacklustre at best,” he said. “Honestly, we’ve been engaged for ten seconds and I’m nervous the Borg might beam in any second now,” he glanced around nervously, to illustrate his point.  
  
Kathryn’s hands clenched reflexively at the mention of a Borg invasion; he was right, though. She glanced up almost expecting the ceiling to cave in or maybe Q would appear and transport the crew back to the Delta Quadrant. “Yes, ok, point taken,” she agreed nervously.  
  
With a light chuckle he glanced at Owen who gave them both a warm smile. “Congratulations, you two,” he said quietly.  
  
“Thank you, Owen,” Kathryn whispered. Chakotay just grinned, beautifully.  
  
Out of the corner of her eye Kathryn saw B’Elanna working with the consoles and slowly all five lit up. Seconds later, Owen held up a glass and tapped it with a spoon gathering the attention of the room. All eyes flicked in their direction.  
  
Kathryn felt a little bad that they were hijacking the crew’s promotion function, for their wedding. Then again, this might be the last time they could get so many members of Voyager’s crew together, though.  
  
It appeared though, that everyone was in on the secret, Chakotay had obviously moved quite quickly. No one appeared surprised in the least by their former Captain and Commander lovingly gazing at one another.  
  
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Owen spoke over the crowd. “Not only are we celebrating the accomplishments of the Voyager crew today,” he announced, “we will also be celebrating the union of Admiral Kathryn Janeway and Captain Chakotay.”

*****

Owen had kept the ceremony brief.  
  
Mutually, Kathryn and Chakotay decided not to share their first kiss in front of the room, though they did enjoy a first dance as Husband and Wife.  
  
They were soon joined, on the dance floor, by a good number of people. Kathryn delighted in seeing so many of her crew happy. Some of the crew, dancing as friends, others dancing as couples.  
  
She followed Chakotay’s gaze at one point. He had spotted his tiny Russian friend, Sveta, dancing with Mike Ayala rather more intimately than ‘friends’ would imply. Kathryn felt overjoyed for him. Ayala had been devastated by the loss of his family, at the hands of the Cardassians, years earlier. As far as she was aware, he hadn’t even _looked_ at another woman during their time in the Delta Quadrant.  
  
Tom and B’Elanna made an appearance, Kathryn, only noticing now, Tom’s lop-sided bowtie. She saw Chell and his wife swaying to the music. She’d never before thought of Chell as a particularly graceful man, but with his wife he seemed to glide across the dance floor.  
  
Megan Delaney invited Sekaya to the floor, which delighted Chakotay, no end. A number of the crew stared with joy, wide eyed. Kathryn shared her Husband’s grin.  
  
The night was beautiful, tiring, wonderful and emotionally fulfilling. After four hours Kathryn and Chakotay finally made their escape, and were delighted to find that Owen had organised a beam-out from the reception for them. No need to dodge reporters together.  
  
They returned to the shoebox arm in arm, elated and suddenly reinvigorated. After all, they had seven long years of affection and abstinence, on Kathryn’s part at least, to catch up on.  
  
Their shoes were discarded at the door. Chakotay pulled his socks off awkwardly, leaving them, as well.  
  
Kathryn felt rather more nervous than she was expecting once they were finally alone. Their eyes met again as they contemplated one another. Slowly her anxiety began to disappear under his loving and affectionate gaze. She was with Chakotay, she had never _felt_ safer, or more secure, than in his presence. She’d never felt more loved than when he smiled at her. She’d never felt more at peace than when he held her.  
  
He stepped toward her and brushed a stray hair from her face, his fingers dancing over her cheek lightly. They stood close now, gazing into each other’s eyes and his hand continued, falling comfortably in place behind her neck. He pulled her toward him, not breaking eye contact until the last moment when they both closed their eyes. Their lips touched in a gentle and loving caress and for the first time in her life Kathryn _finally_ understood what it was to be alive. His tender kiss drew the very breath from her lungs, capturing her capacity for any sense or thought, other than of _him_.  
  
After a moment of their blissful embrace Kathryn began to run her hands over his chest again, pushing his suit jacket over his shoulders. The garment fell to the floor in a clump; neither of them gave it much thought. She moved her hands over his shirt, feeling his biceps and ran her tongue over his lips, tasting and enjoying the sensation. His own tongue intertwined with hers, sending an excited shiver down her spine. Her hands gripped the fabric of his shirt tightly as their kiss intensified.  
  
She’d unleashed something powerful. He became ravenous and with a breathy sigh, began massage her back, lightly, before pulling at the zipper on her dress.  
  
Kathryn turned her attention to the buttons on his shirt, pulling them open and tracing a line down his chest with a nail, as she did so.  
  
Her dress came loose and he pushed the straps over her shoulders, as she tried not to lose contact with Chakotay’s luscious lips.  
  
She couldn’t believe she was doing this, with him, she couldn’t believe this had finally happened. At the thought she smiled, he must have felt it through their kiss. He pulled away and studied her with an intense affection that caused her heart to leap in her chest. His soft eyes remained on her face, despite her near nakedness and his hand moved to cup her cheek again.  
  
“I love you, Kathryn,” he whispered. He pulled her closer and their lips met again  
  
She wanted to respond in kind, however all words appeared to have vacated her brain. She decided to show him, instead. Pulling the remaining buttons loose she ran her fingers over his bare skin. Chakotay shrugged his shirt away hastily, obviously not wanting to loose contact for too long.  
  
He moaned, eager and excited – from the feel of him, very excited. His hands ran down the side of her neck, lingering on her chest, teasing lightly above her breasts.  
  
She unclasped his belt, removing his pants with ease and he stepped out of them, kicking them to the back of the room.  
  
No sooner than they had hit the wall she began to run her fingers along the band at the top of his boxers. Working them down slowly, fondling and feeling as she progressed. If he wanted to tease, so would she.  
  
He got the picture. His hands cupped her breasts over her bra, pinching her nipples lightly through the fabric, before manoeuvring behind her back to unclasp the damn thing.  
  
Pulling his boxers down off his hips, she danced her fingers across his thighs, around to his firm buttock, kneading his flesh and pulling him closer.  
  
With little effort he lifted her and carried her, back toward the bedroom. Despite the fact that he had to navigate around the table, chairs and the couch, their lips did not part en route.  
  
The bedroom was tiny, the bed filling it almost entirely and Chakotay almost tripped on it as he attempted to lower her. She fell backwards, out of his arms and giggled as she hit the doona.  
  
He grinned, “That works too,” he said softly.  
  
Leaning forward he began to brush his hands lightly down her neck, her chest and stomach. She closed her eyes, sinking deep into his touch, moaning her approval as his fingers hooked the sides of her underpants. With a delicate and deliberate care he pulled them down slowly, his gentle hands caressing her legs as he did so.  
  
She drew a sharp breath as he teased her clit with his thumb and moaned audibly when he slipped a finger inside her. As it turned out his fingers were as adept as she’d imagined since the massage on New Earth. She had to bite her lip to stop herself from crying out, and he’d only just started.  
  
The bed shifted as he knelt beside her and began kissing her, first on the lips, the cheek, and the chin. Slowly he moved down her neck, her chest – _oh god_ – her breast. His tongue flicked at her nipple and she couldn’t stop herself from gasping, her entire body, overcome by the incredible sensation. A number of times in the past, Kathryn had imagined this moment, dreamt of Chakotay’s touch, his lips tasting hers, none of those moments compared to this blissful reality.  
  
To encourage him she scratched her nails through is hair, over his back, anything she could get her hands on. She couldn’t get enough of him, but she didn’t want to finish like this. She wanted him inside her; she wanted him howling her name to the stars as they came together.  
  
She pulled at him, trying to draw his lips to hers again.  
  
He took her signal, smiling as he obeyed her unspoken command and then laughing when her leg wrapped over him, pulling his body to hers. His hand withdrew from her and he moved close, but the damn encourageable tease lay atop her, just kissing her. She became frustrated and rolled him over, sitting astride his hips, gazing down at his exquisitely moulded form.  
  
This must have been what he’d wanted the whole time. The smug grin on his face spoke volumes.  
  
She ran her fingers over his bare, golden chest again, kissing, nipping and licking across its firm, muscular surface. She drew in his scent and tasted his flesh, teasing him as he had done to her.  
  
Reaching down between her legs, she gripped his stiff length and he shuddered visibly at her touch. Gently stroking him, she pressed her thumb over his tip causing him to writhe under her. His hands moved to her hip and he held, tight, fingers digging into her sides. His panted breaths became ragged. She almost thought he stopped breathing altogether when she lowered herself onto him.  
  
They exhaled in pleasured unison as he filled her, pulsating in her depth. After so long, that sensation alone was almost enough to send her over the edge and she had to remain still as she balanced on the precipice of bliss. Somehow she held on and once certain she could contain herself, she began to rock her hips steadily against him.  
  
The sound of his pleasure was almost as incredible as the feel of him inside her. He moaned, he _tried_ to say her name, but the word seemed lost in his throat. His breathing came in growls as he began to move with her, pressing as deeply as their position allowed.  
  
His hands cupped her breasts, thumbs running over her nipples, sending a shudder of excitement through her body. _Oh, she wasn’t going to last long at all._  
  
Their rhythm increased and Kathryn leaned forward kissing him, tasting his lips and tongue again. “Oh god,” she gasped against his mouth.  
  
Pushing himself up to kissed her left breast again, he pinched her nipple between his lips. She cried out as a rush of unbelievable pleasure welled through her entire body. Her muscles clenched against him as she came. A moment later he echoed her cries and she felt his release.  
  
He pulled her close through his climax, holding her head to his as his breathing began to gentle. She cupped his face and stared into his eyes, enjoying the contentment and peace that lay within.  
  
They collapsed onto the bed moments later and he held her tightly, fingers gliding across her back. She closed her eyes, feeling completely at ease until he began to chuckle.  
  
Pushing herself up, she gave him a curious frown, “what?”  
  
He shook his head, “I was just thinking about how right you were,” he said with a dimpled grin.  
  
“About what?” she probed. She lifted herself off him and moved to his side, positioning herself under his arm.  
  
“If that had happened in the Delta Quadrant, there is no _way_ we would have gotten home,” he laughed.  
  
She smiled broadly and absently placed a hand over his heart, “I’d have had a hard time keeping my hands off you,” she commented.  
  
He sat up, an incredulous expression lighting his face, “you mean, that was you trying to keep your hands off me, out there?” he asked.  
  
“You don’t know the half of it,” she told him earnestly. “Some days I had to cancel dinners with you because I was afraid I might not be able to control myself,” she admitted. She nestled her head into his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her forehead.  
  
“I always wondered,” he said with a sniff. “And if it makes you feel any better, you’re not the only one who cancelled dinners for that reason.”  
  
She smiled to herself at the thought of that. Some part of her _wished_ she had thrown propriety out the air lock on Voyager. But she knew how much more difficult her job would have become, how much more difficult _both_ of their jobs would have become.  
  
Kathryn’s fingers ran over Chakotay’s chest as they lay in comfortable silence, winding down, ready to sleep.  
  
“Let’s get our own house tomorrow,” he suggested after a moment.  
  
She pushed herself up to look at him again, grinning from ear to ear. “I’d like that,” she agreed.  
  
Closing her eyes she relaxed against Chakotay’s side, “computer, lights,” she requested softly.  
  
For the first time in seven long years Kathryn drifted off to sleep with ease, feeling loved, feeling at peace and feeling at home.

END


End file.
